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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:12

They may have large windows but the great big aisles sort of block the view! You certainly can't see that the children aren't crying or distressed while you are in the shop

DameDeepRedBetty · 20/11/2013 16:14

Rather a lot of competitive hysteria going on here?!

Has anyone told OP not to leave children in the car in case of Zombie Apocalypse? Some of it sounds that silly!

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:15

I think its probably quite healthy for children to get distressed and then realise that you always come back actually.

we were talking about them coming to harm, rather than them being a bit distressed. Nobody has yet been able to tell me what this harm is that they might come to,.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:16

Saying its healthy for children to get distressed when alone says a lot doesn't it. Not sure how any parent can think that is acceptable personally

DontmindifIdo · 20/11/2013 16:18

Anyway, great you have sorted it but a couple of things - when you said nursery staff could only have them until 6:30pm, did you check you weren't meaning look after them at nursery, at DS's nursery, most of the staff will do babysitting in my home in the evenings privately. as long as it doesn't affect their work hours, the nursery are fine with them doing some extra work, it's worth checking for the future.

Also, the shop issue - look, you are unlikely to collapse and be taken to hospital unconcious leaving your DCs alone outside, you might not come out to find your 3 year old has opened the car door and wandered off, you might never come outside and find a stranger chatting to your DCs/has taken them out of the car, or found your car has been stollen, complete with DCs in the back etc, but these things have all happened in the past to some people. As rare as they are, they do happen and I bet if you'd asked the people that did experience these things the day before if they thought this could happen, they'd say no.

the risk that something could happen is small, but it could happen.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:18

My kids dont get distressed though, or try and get out of their carseats

they just sit there and wait for me to come back (because they know that is what is going to happen)

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:23

But you can not possibly know they won't though. Unless you have psychic powers you can not say that will never happen

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:27

I think the tiny risk of them developing the wish to get out of their car seats (and then do what?) and come to any harm is outweighed by the risk of letting them loose on the forecourt and then in the shop

OP posts:
BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 16:29

Nobody has been able to tell you harm children could come to when left alone in a car? Several people have told you. It is an unnecessary risk.

Frostyfoxy · 20/11/2013 16:30

I haven't read the whole of this thread, but you do know that your babies could choke on the biscuit you've given them whilst you leave them in the car for half an hour.....??

Or they could get very hot or very cold depending on the weather outside

Or the car could get stolen

Or they could be sick

Or kidnapped

Or, or, or.....!!!

You should focus on how you would feel if anything happened to them (let alone how they would feel). I understand you are trying to do your job and make life easier for you - but would life be easy if you lost your child/children??

Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:31

I am intrigued as to the risk in a shop? The only reason they would be let loose is if you are incapable of controlling your children!

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 16:32

If they get out of their car seats, they can get out of the car and wonder into the road. They could take the handbrake off. Lots could happen.

If you supervise your children properly, what will happen to them in a car park or shop that is a greater risk than being left in a car alone?

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 16:32

*wander into the road

43percentburnt · 20/11/2013 16:34

Hi, I know you have it sorted for tonight but what county are you in, maybe someone could help next time. For example I know a couple of very sensible teenage girls who would happily babysit for pocket money, I'm sure there are lots of sensible teens about. When I was a teen I babysat for four or five families nearby - lots of fun reading books and watching Thomas the tank engine! They got undivided attention for several hours a time! Maybe if you met a babysitter upfront then you would be more comfortable leaving the children with him or her if the need arose.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:38

I dont know, I've seen some pretty ridiculous absentminded driving at petrol stations! I would much rather the kids are safe in the car than out in all that.

and yes, If i was in a shop, holding the baby with 1 hand and a basket with the other, not only would I have to grow an extra arm to get things into the basket, the 3 year old would be loose.

As he would be in the forecourt when I get his little brother out the seat.

Its just not worth the risk for the teeny tiny risk that they might somehow manage to navigate their carseats AND the childlocks in order to get out of the car and then might come to some harm rather than myself or someone else seeing them and raising the alarm

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:41

surely if people are being absentminded in the petrol station driving thats all the more reason not to leave you child alone in a car there?

little life backpack for the 3 year old, hold the baby! Get the baby out then the 3 year old. I can't see any reason you can't safely shop with children TBH

cunexttuesonline · 20/11/2013 16:47

If you are just talking about the shop at the petrol station, then that is a bit different as you are generally in a queue where you can see your car the whole time. But if we are talking about a shop where you can no longer see your car and you have left them in the car unlocked for around 5 mins then that is not so acceptable IMHO!

Mia1415 · 20/11/2013 16:49

I am completely stunned that you would leave your children alone in an unlocked car & you can't see the obvious risks.

I'd never ever leave my DS (11 months old) alone in the car.the thought of doing so makes me feel physically sick to be honest. If I have to go into a shop, even for milk, he comes with me.

The only exception to this is when I nip in to the petrol station to pay. But I lock the car & I'm watching it the whole time.

TokenGirl1 · 20/11/2013 16:50

How about taking your baby monitor with you to listen to them while they're in the car?

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 16:51

The conversation was about going into a shop to do a small shop, or to pick up shopping for a person at work, so not a quick nip into a petrol station to pay. This would involve a lot longer than a couple of minutes.

HenriettaPie · 20/11/2013 17:03

I seriously hope this is a wind up. How can you not see how neglectful this is?? Leaving a 3 yo and a 1 yo in the car, alone in the cold and dark, while you are away for 30 minutes at a time? Driving them around not belted in? Leaving them unsupervised eating biscuits in the car? (Btw biscuits and cookies are number 3 on the list of top foods that infants choke on)

I have a 3 yo and a 1yo and am shocked by what you think is acceptable parenting.

SolomanDaisy · 20/11/2013 17:06

The OP is not a troll, I recognise her name from a thread where she was being deeply unpleasant about the McCanns, bizarrely.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 17:08

No I specifically said i leave the kids in the car when i go in to pick up a few things from the corner shop or from a petrol station. Thats very different to going in to do a big shop.

When I get shopping for people, i tend to go into a supermarket to do it so I would take the children with me into the supermarket in the trolley and then leave them in the car while I go into the persons house and unload.

Anyway, I have no problem with any of that, I think its fairly normal behaviour to be honest, I certainly see other people doing the same thing.

I haven't taken them out tonight, i've cancelled work and to be honest, it looks like I have cancelled my marriage too. My husband is being awful and I think it would be best if he just jogged on and left me to get on with my life.

OP posts:
HenriettaPie · 20/11/2013 17:14

You said you leave them in the car eating! And tonight you would be leaving them in the car while you are getting people dressed for bed and into bed. That takes longer than running into a shop for a loaf of bread.

No one here is making out to be the perfect parent. There's no such thing, we are just all a bunch of mums all trying to do our best. And that means putting your children over everything else, including work. They are much too young. They need to be at home in a nice warm bed tonight.

ExcuseTypos · 20/11/2013 17:16

Oh gosh soloman I remember that.

Oh the irony.

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