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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
Lurkersanonymous · 20/11/2013 11:11

Fingers crossed for you Geckos.

You have absolutely done the right thing: others have said that you were so stressed you were considering absolutely mad solutions. Hurrah for you for going with the only sensible one available to you (other than ripping your DH a new one, which is still an option: I'll hold him steady for you!)

You obviously know your employers better than I do, but I would be amazed if you got sacked for this (even if it isn't the first time). They are in the caring business after all, and yes it is a business first and foremost but good workers are hard to find. It's just as likely that they are going to have a conversation with you exploring ways of avoiding this in the future.

As I say, fingers crossed for you, and WELL DONE again Flowers

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 20/11/2013 11:11

Erm sorry but comments along the lines of: "If your DH's job is a regular problem then you must try and find different work." Pardon?!
What about if the OP's job is a regular problem - and by problem I presume you mean "something she has to go and do, to make a living" - then her DH needs to find a new job, or preferably make sure he's back when he says he will be. Like everyone else has to.

Methe · 20/11/2013 11:11

I don't really think there is anything wrong with it. At 1 and 3 they'll both be asleep fully strapped in to proper car seats won't they?

As long as they are safe and warm I can't see that on this one occasion it is going to do any harm.

attheendoftheday · 20/11/2013 11:13

I think you've done the right thing.

Parental leave is a legal right, I don't think it would be legal for you to face a disciplinary or get fired for using this. Are you in a union?

Your dh's behaviour is bloody outrageous. How would he feel if he had to miss work because you weren't there to take the dc?

bababababoom · 20/11/2013 11:16

I have taken them out with me in the day before and given them a biscuit each while I have gone and done a quick call, I have no real issue with that.

  • But this is the first time your dh's work has caused a problem?

Sorry OP, I'vr got so much sympathy for your situation but this isn't acceptable or sustainable long term. You're either working, or looking after the children, you can't do both. You're going to have to sort out some childcare, and hopefully get help with that through tax credits. have you looked into employing a nanny? It works out cheaper than nursery in some situations and more flexible? Have a look on childcare.co.uk, and find the right person who can be flexible enough, get to know them until you're happy to leave your children. Save yourself a lot of stress long term and have your children appropriately cared for. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but little toddlers can't be left in the car while you work.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/11/2013 11:20

If you got the person from nursery to babysit ASAP after 6.30pm how late would you be for work?

IsThisSalad · 20/11/2013 11:20

Good point Valium. Not low risk at all if you consider everything.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 20/11/2013 11:28

I would have been most worried about them waking up and roaming around the car, car's are child safe, it's different if they are strapped in and can't get out and stat playing with things.

I'm shocked you give them a biscuit and leave them, are you not worried about the little one choking? I don't ever give young children food unless I can see them.

If this situation happens again it might be easier to find people willing to look after your kids at their own house.

SlightlyDampWellies · 20/11/2013 11:35

Oh Geckos how shit. Poor you. I hope your work hears you and understands when you explain to them. Thanks

But, you absolutely made the right choice in the end.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2013 11:37

And one other thing - you say your bosses are okay with it.

How are you doing your job properly with your mind half on your children outside in the car?

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:38

The only time I have had to leave them in the car is when one of them has had diahorrea or something and I've had to pick them up from nursery and then pop in to someone on the way home.

Its no different to going into the shop

No i dont really worry about him chocking, both of them are pretty good at eating without chocking to be honest and i dont think biscuits are particularly chocky food.

As I said its no different to nipping in the corner shop or whatever which i do frequently.

Now you've mentioned chocking I will probably refrain from giving them biscuits in future though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:39

Yes of course work are okay if I have a call where I have to go and pick up someones washing (for example) and then leave again. Its not a problem is it?

Obviously if its a longer call it would be more of a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:40

The person in the nursery can ONLY baby sit until 6.30pm

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 20/11/2013 11:43

I'm glad you aren't leaving them alone in the car.
You obv know its a bad idea otherwise you wouldn't have asked on here.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 20/11/2013 11:47

I went on a child first aid course, the course leader had worked in the children's a+,e, she had treated a child ( around 18 months) who had choked whilst the mother was driving. The radio was on so the mum didn't hear, she said choking was fairly quiet and the only thing you'd hear would be the child kicking/struggling. The child died :( the parents were ok with her telling the story as they wanted to raise awareness.

I don't even give ds food when his pushchair is facing forwards, only when it's facing me.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 20/11/2013 11:53

Sorry to put on the pressure but shocked you've normalized this as its not ok.

Im disabled and have carers, if I knew one of them brought and left their babies in the car whilst working for me I would be:

  1. calling social services for the children
  2. Calling the care agency abd asking that you never cane bavk to me
  3. Calling adult ss and complaining about the care agency itseld

The situation stinks. You will not be doing a good job for the people that need care, and care isn't given lightly, these people are vulnerable and rely on you. If the agency is sanctioning it then they are a very unprofessional agency skirting the law, and god knows what else they believe is ok for their staff or their clients.

I know you didn't cause the situation, but you'll still be held responsible if something goes wrong. You need to claim parental leave then organise a few people you can call on to do childcare in these situations.

You also need to have a serious talk with your partner ... He's landed you in it.

lunar1 · 20/11/2013 12:03

You have done the right thing cancelling. You have no idea what you will find when you walk into someone's home. They may have collapsed in the floor, they may fall when you help them to bed, or choke on their tea. Anything could happen and as their carer you owe all your patients your 100% focus while you are in their home.

What would you do if you walked into a home and there was a major problem? If you need to ring an ambulance and wait how could you know if your children were ok.

Please never ever leave your babies alone while eating.

NatashaBee · 20/11/2013 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaitMonkey · 20/11/2013 12:27

I'm amazed anyone would do this with such young children. Not strapping them in, leaving them unattended, and driving them around in freezing temperatures in November, really ? You would do this ? Am so glad you've decided not to do this. Good luck SF your meeting. Your dh sounds really helpfulHmm .

valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 12:40

Leave then with a biscuit while you pop into the shop? And you can't imagine why that is a safety issue?

I hope this is a wind up. If it's not it's really quite worrying along with even considering leaving the kids in the car.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 12:43

Okay so I met with work, Have swapped my evening shift for an early morning saturday shift (they are chuffed actually) and though it took a lot of getting around, they are fine with me.

I am just doing a few extra hours for the senior tomorrow and an extra weekend shift, so I wont have a weekend off this month but thats okay. Usually I am flexible with them needing me on one weekend day because I can barter with my own lie-in but not with DH's but we are both missing out this week!

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 20/11/2013 12:49

do yourself a favour and get your plan b sorted now in case this ever happens again.

Gruntfuttock · 20/11/2013 12:50

Frankly, even if the OP had not changed her mind about taking the children out with her, she obviously wouldn't admit it after the responses, would she? Easier to say it's all been sorted now.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 12:51

It has all been sorted now, I am not working tonight. Husband is now saying he will definitely be back by six pm anyway,.

so its doubly sorted.

Next time I wont be trusting him to be back when he said he is getting back.

I dont exactly know what sort of 'plan b' i am supposed to have but these things happen and I dealt with it.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 12:53

Fantastic Geckos - so pleased with that outcome!

HOWEVER - I would downplay the good side of this to your DH and emphasise how awful it could have been, how you could have got a verbal warning, how you could be on the way to being out of a job just because he thinks his job is the only one that matters.

Make use of the situation to attempt to ensure that you're never in this position again where avoidable.

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