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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:

drinkyourmilk · 20/11/2013 10:59

I would call them and cancel today. Apologise for being so rubbish lately and explain you are sorting out childcare today so that this will not occur again.
Then get onto childcare . Co.uk or sitters and find a few people you can call on in the future.
It's just not worth the worry.
Shitty situation for your dh to leave you in.

Pearlsaplenty · 20/11/2013 10:59

Just about what someone said earlier.

Is it true that you aren't allowed to pop next door and leave your child for a couple of minutes, even if they are sleeping?

I have to leave ds alone once he's asleep just to do things like take the rubbish out. Or bring in the heavy shopping from the car etc. We are in a flat so although I am as quick as possible I am still a couple of minutes. And I try and use the stairs but can't at the moment as have problems with pregnancy so I know being stuck in the lift is a risk. What are the laws with this?

zippey · 20/11/2013 10:59

Have you got a double buggy? They can fall asleep in the buggy and you can take them inside to your visits.

I'm guessing they will be in a car outside the home you are carer for, and you'll checkup regularly? The boot of the car, is this like a back seat? It's not actually a boot? You know the situation best. If you think it will be safe enough, then do it.

RevengeWiggle · 20/11/2013 11:00

Can your DH absolutely not get home or is he just being difficult

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 20/11/2013 11:00

Work are going to be even.more pissed off at ypu if something happens whilst ypu do this.

If I was the boss.of someone considering this id be saying the exact same as I am to you now.

Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 11:00

You MUST phone work, Geckos. You really must, pissed off or not, you have to.

God, I'd be mad as hellfire if my DH dropped me in it like yours has though - how dare he treat your job so flippantly! Unless his "don't know" is because the weather is so bad he can't travel, in which case he bloody well ought to have tried to leave earlier to get home.

Wafflepuss · 20/11/2013 11:00

Aside from the car set/strapped in issue it's to be freezing tonight across much of the country. Even well wrapped up they'll be really really cold in the car. If they wake up alone in a dark cold car they're going to freak out? Take them into the calls with you or pay a registered babysitter but please don't leave them alone.

Original poster

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:01

I've cancelled my shift. Work want me to go in for midday and 'talk about it' I think I am going to get a disciplinary.

I would be surprised if i dont get fired.

OP posts:

IsThisSalad · 20/11/2013 11:01

Low risk but high stakes, OP.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 20/11/2013 11:02

Well then your dh will.have a lot.to.answer for.

You can NOT leave your 1&3yo in the boot while you go into work.

IsThisSalad · 20/11/2013 11:02

X-post. Good luck later on.

Sickandsad · 20/11/2013 11:02

Ask if one of the nursery staff that you trust will babysit for you for the two hours. I'm sure they will pleased to earn a few extra £'s.

I really wouldn't take them out in the car while you go into various houses to deliver homecare, aside from this being far from ideal for the DC, it will only add to your stress levels to be worrying about them outside in the car on a cold night while you are trying to do your job.

Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 11:02

Pearlsaplenty, I don't think it is true - but if anything were to happen to your child while you were out you could be done for negligence.

Original poster

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:03

No its because he cannot POSSIBLY turn around to HIS work and change plans because I have to work. He just doesn't think like that. HIS work is so fucking important than we just have to bend the earth for him to be utterly available and I have to pick up the fucking pieces.

I will be so upset if i get fired :(

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 11:03

I don't think it's particularly low risk tbh and someone taking them is low on the list of things that could go wrong.

Shonajoy · 20/11/2013 11:04

I think your oh is being really awkward. I hope you don't get fired.

Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 11:04

Oh Geckos, that's so shit. Glad your dilemma is resolved for tonight but I really hope that your work don't go ballistic at you, these things do happen sometimes!

FX for you that you only get a verbal warning, nothing more than that, if even that.

Original poster

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:05

What could happen to them though?

I have taken them out with me in the day before and given them a biscuit each while I have gone and done a quick call, I have no real issue with that.

But I can't see what real harm could come to them if I am honest.

I think everyone is right though, stress levels would be through the roof I would be so worried about them in the car waking up and being scared (that is the real risk) that I just wouldnt be able to concentrate on my job.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2013 11:06

If your DH's job is a regular problem then you must try and find different work (easier said than done, I know). I presume paid childcare would render you working, pointless anyway?

But you can't put yourself in this position again, it's not workable on any level.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2013 11:08

I have taken them out with me in the day before and given them a biscuit each while I have gone and done a quick call, I have no real issue with that.

Bet your bosses would...

The problem is your DH. If the money is necessary for the family budget then he is going to have to help come up with a workable solution for all of you.
Is he around at weekends? that's when I worked when my DC were young.

Original poster

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:09

Well its been 8 months and this is the first time that his work has caused such a problem for us.

I need to stay with them for 2 years now, they have just paid for my NVQ2

OP posts:

bababababoom · 20/11/2013 11:09

No, you can't do this...I'm so sorry you're so stressed, and I wouldn't leave my children with someone they and I didn't know either, but it is preferable to what you are suggesting, which is to leave a 1 and 3 year old essentially by themselves. If they woke up they'd be terrified!

I don't know why people find it so hard to believe that there's nobody who can babysit - I don't have a single person I could ask, I don't live near family and don't know anyone well enough to ask.

But you can't do this. Work are going to be royally pissed off but you'd have a very good case against them if you lost your job.

Original poster

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 11:10

My bosses were aware actually and saw no problem with it. I leave them in the car all the time for stuff, like nipping into the shop or whatever.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 20/11/2013 11:10

You know what we do if my husband can't make it back for childcare due to work and I have to go to work? HE sounds out alternative childcare and rings me with the details and he's their step dad.

Your husband is the issue here. It's dammed unfair what he's doing.

LoonvanBoon · 20/11/2013 11:10

Oh Gecko, I hope the meeting is okay & you don't get fired. What a nightmare for you. Agree with the poster upthread who pointed out how much attitudes have changed - when I was growing up in the '70s this wouldn't have been seen as a big deal. Do agree with the consensus, though, that the risk of something going wrong is just too serious to ignore. Don't agree with those who would be happy getting pretty much anyone to babysit, though - I certainly wouldn't be happy with dragging in a random teenager who hadn't babysat my children before, for instance. If it was an absolute emergency (not work) & a choice between doing that & taking the children with me, I'd probably take them.

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