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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 21/11/2013 11:09

Well I can remember being in the boot of the car, as can many other people who commented, I remember being stopped by a copper in a van which had two kids asleep on a mattress in it. He didn't think it was that unusual. I guess people remember things differently.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 21/11/2013 11:10

Can I ask how old you are Geckos48?

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 21/11/2013 11:14

The risk assessment of leaving children on their own in a car is a bit of a grey area. Would I leave DS strapped in his car seat while I went to the cash point or paid for petrol? Yes. Would I leave him asleep in the car in broad daylight in a public place while I had to attend to another child? Possibly. Would I leave him in the car alone at night while I went to do work? Probably not.

The bit that has really really made me Hmm about all this is this:

  • you admit to going round to the houses of probably elderly or vulnerable people while simultaneously caring for your child who have diarrhea
  • your company is OK providing a paid for service to elderly or vulnerable people, that they know their staff are rushing or not concentrating fully on because they are also caring for their own children while they are doing it
  • your husband sounds like a prick

I'm going to assume your company is only looking after private clients, and isn't local authority funded because if it is, good luck keeping that tender when they find out about the quality of care provided.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 21/11/2013 11:15

Having a look, I posted this thread and then maybe an hour later (if that) cancelled my shift. That's hardly 'arguing all day about it'. People continually question my career choice on here and really, that is more about them than me.

None of you know me, know what I do all day every day and how I put myself out for my service users. None of you have the ability to make a judgment about me.

Am I going to defend myself against being told such negative things about myself? Damn right I am!

I don't see why I should stand and have mud aligned at me because people think it's okay to do that. I am happy to defend myself, I have never once told someone they cannot do something or be something because that's not my decision to make. I still work with a young girl who was raised in the care system who wants to one day study social work and I say good on her. She'll learn a lot and do what she needs to do.

Less negativity guys, is what is needed.

OP posts:
LaQueenOfTheDamned · 21/11/2013 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bleedingheart · 21/11/2013 11:19

Hoping for the best and being positive doesn't negate danger, sadly.

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 21/11/2013 11:27

We all make judgement calls as parents, every single day. Not all of those are good calls. If you post several of your judgement calls on an open website, of course people are going to weigh in (after to asked us to) and what we think. And people think it was a bloody awful idea for a whole host of reasons.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 21/11/2013 11:31

Your right, it was a bloody awful idea and it never
Became more than that.

People's opinions on it is not the issue here, the issue is the same old posters using any opportunity to berate me about my career choices.

Having the battle with myself that I did yesterday does not make me a bad parent. If as a social worker I go and look at a family who have similar battles and choose something different to me, then I will be able to empathise with that.

OP posts:
Boetunesgirl · 21/11/2013 11:32

And now comes the: you don't know me, you can only go by the small amount of info that I written etc. Yawn.

SolomanDaisy · 21/11/2013 11:33

So to clarify, your stance is now that people who don't actually know a specific individual and only have information gained from the internet are in no position to judge that individual or their parenting risk assessments? Gosh.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/11/2013 11:36

interesting given some of the op's scathing judgements of certain other parents parenting choices.

HyvaPaiva · 21/11/2013 11:36

'If as a social worker I go and look at a family who have similar battles and choose something different to me, then I will be able to empathise with that.'

You called the McCanns - who chose differently to you - the McScams. How is that demonstrating empathy?

Geckos48 · 21/11/2013 11:39

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appletarts · 21/11/2013 11:42

Am I the only one who wonders how gecko got a burnt breast? It all reads very strangely doesn't it, cheapo option to becoming a social worker, babies in boot of car at night, baby being driven around with the shits while mum makes house calls to care for other people, planning another baby when obviously can't sort out sensible childcare for ones she's got. This is one of the problems with OU, they can't keep a proper eye on students, I cannot imagine how this woman is going to qualify as a social worker and I always cheer anyone on but nix this case I hope she doesn't qualify, there is a problem here with instinct and danger. Anyone else feel like they're watching jerry springer?

ptpan · 21/11/2013 11:43

I have re read the thread-you spent the day after swapping your shift describing how you leave your children in your car in your own words 2-3 per week while you go to the petrol station and buy shopping,as well as leaving them in the car while you unload other peoples shopping and leave them asleep in the car while you are indoors.
The car you also say is always unlocked,and you have a 3 year old?!you seriously don't think this a problem???!
My 3 yr old son has been able to undo his car seat for at least 6 months,not a chance would I leave my kids at this age alone on the car for 5 minutes.why on earth can't you see that what you are doing is very risky?
No one is throwing mud,but you are putting your children at risk but your comments speak as if it's completely normal,ok and no risk.
And I have never commented on your threads before so not one of the same people commenting on your career.
Just shocked at how 'normal' you are insisting some of your choices are while claiming to be a responsible carer.

RevengeWiggle · 21/11/2013 11:43

Don't we all have moments of utter desperation and run through stupid ideas? I have not very long ago under a different name came on MN and asked how to hand my baby to social services because I wasn't coping and was screaming at her, I didn't actually call SS in the end and I didn't get berated. In fact quite a few people told me to put her down and go into the garden for ten minutes.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 21/11/2013 11:44

Why don't you ask me apple instead of the 'studio audience'

OP posts:
DuckToWater · 21/11/2013 11:46

I never ever took my children into a petrol station when they were babies, they always stayed in the car, unlocked, as it sets the alarm off otherwise.

They couldn't get out of the car though as the child lock is on. In any event they didn't know how to unlock their child seat and get out. There is no way the car would operate without you having the correct key on your person. By the time they were old enough to operate the seatbelt they were also sensible enough to stay in their seat and not muck about. Also I could see them at all times through the window of the shop!

There was a far greater risk someone would run them over as they crossed the forecourt with me.

IamInvisible · 21/11/2013 11:46

Near the beginning of the thread you said, Geckos, that your employer had just paid for your NVQ2. There is not a chance that you go out to assess care packages in your role, but if you do your employer is a shower of shit and does not care about it's service users!

My sister is a home carer, as is my niece. My sister has been doing this job for over 10 years and is in the middle of her level 4, she wasn't allowed out to asses until she was level 3 qualified and had years of experience. My niece already has her level 2 and is not allowed to assess!

Going back to the kids in the boot. My mum used to allow us to go in the boot of her Mini clubman on a 1.5 mile trip home from school. That was around 35 years ago, you didn't have to wear seat belts in the front then either. But we've moved on, we all know it is dangerous.

DS1 is 19 in a few weeks, he left hospital in a car seat. He has never been in a car where he has not been strapped in. DSS is 23, the same goes for him. I asked DS2 (16) what he thought about what you proposed to do, he thought you were totally and utterly irresponsible.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 21/11/2013 12:00

Maybe if your answers made sense Geckos folk would ask you, but they don't.

Its like juggling jelly.

ExcuseTypos · 21/11/2013 12:01

Gecko this morning you said it was an HND2 you were completing.

Is that the same as an NVQ2 you said you were doing yesterday?

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 21/11/2013 12:03

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Chippednailvarnish · 21/11/2013 12:11

Juggling jelly Classic Grin

Sirzy · 21/11/2013 12:20

Revenge - there is a massive difference between a parent who is obviously struggling and in need of help and support and someone like the OP who just seems to be out to try to justify her poor parenting decisions and unable to listen to what is being said.

To even think about letting a child sleep in the boot of a car is worrying IMO as it shows a lack of understanding of risk and makes you wonder what else is deemed acceptable.

Dietagainmonday · 21/11/2013 12:20

Can't believe what I've just read! Get a baby sitter, childminder or ask for help off your neighbours with a responsible teenager. Your children need to be tucked up in bed not carted off in the boot. Please don't do it