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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that family members shouldn't be god parents!

92 replies

Bellini28 · 20/11/2013 07:00

Basically our 2 week old has had her godparents sitting in wait since before conception. Very very close friends, particularly of DH. I should add that this is a concession I make to DH as I'm not a believer and if pushed consider myself an atheist. We now have a situation where Dh's sister (we live in different countries) is insisting god mother is her role and hers alone. They are devout Catholics and take this stuff very seriously. She doesn't seem willing to compromise and now we are left - or rather DH is - with the prospect of having to tell our lovely, like a sister to DH, friend that she cannot be god mother.... Incidentally we live in a country where this is taken very seriously.

I am staying on the sideline as I love all involved and feel this is Dh's mess to sort out. But I can't help but think that family is family and a god parent should be the family we have chosen ourselves... As in dear friends.

Thoughts on how to handle much appreciated.

OP posts:
Sleepthief · 20/11/2013 07:02

Have two godmothers?

Morgause · 20/11/2013 07:04

We are godparents to family members and our DCs have family members as godparents.

I am also godmother to a friend's daughter but I know it's because they didn't have an appropriate female relative.

I thought it was the done thing. You ask the people who you'd like to raise your child if something awful happens to both parents.

RevengeWiggle · 20/11/2013 07:04

Don't let SIL dictate what you do with your baby. If you want to include her she can be godmother alongside your friends, not instead of, I'd tell her this and imply "like it or lump it" tbh.

bragmatic · 20/11/2013 07:04

God parents should be who you want them to be. That includes family, if you want.

The key words here are: what you want.

Our kids' godparents are family members, btw. Because WE wanted it that way.

I'm not sure self nomination should mean you get the gig.

summermovedon · 20/11/2013 07:06

Have more god parents, 3 or 4 is not unusual. Simples.

Abitannoyedatthis · 20/11/2013 07:09

It seems quite common, certainly the case in DH's Irish (Protestant!) family. My children aren't christened as we are both atheists. DH was a teenager when he became his nephew's godparent.

Can you have two god-mothers? Saying that as one is overseas it makes sense to have two? Otherwise can you "save" one for your second child? Perhaps say that multiple godparents are a British thing like Royals!

wigglesrock · 20/11/2013 07:09

I've done both Smile. I've 3 kids & 2 have family and one friends. We're Catholic too, godparents are supposed to be there to guide & support the child as an addition to the parents, not so much as guardians if you die.

Will your sister in law be able to do this from a different country? To be honest we had a lot of family huffiness from my husband's side when we went for friends or rather when we went for anyone that wasnt his brother and wife. Pick who you want, but don't be surprised if there's a lot of martyrdom and heavy sighs about it Smile

MarjorieAntrobus · 20/11/2013 07:11

Our DC have a mixture of friends and family as godparents.

Why can't you have both your good friend and your SIL as godmothers? There isn't a limit as far as I am aware.

PoppyWearer · 20/11/2013 07:12

Don't some cultures/countries dictate that (legally) the godparents must be the if-something-happens legal guardians though? In which case it probably would be a family member?

I'm sure a friend of DH's had to be a godparent to his DN for this reason in spite of being an atheist.

OddBoots · 20/11/2013 07:17

There is no should or shouldn't when it comes to family being god parents but it is your choice. She shouldn't insist and even if she has asked to be a god parent she is very out of line to demand to be the only one.

Bunbaker · 20/11/2013 07:18

Isn't is usual to have two godmothers for a girl?

Original poster
Bellini28 · 20/11/2013 07:18

Thanks all. But this is why I said no compromising. I proffered the suggestion of two god others. She wants the gig all to herself. Ppffftt!!

OP posts:
Twattyzombiebollocks · 20/11/2013 07:21

Only one of my children's god parents is non family. She hasn't seen her god daughter for 5 years and has made no effort to be in contact with her. My sisters who are godmothers to my other children see them weekly or more and are very involved in their lives. So from my experience yabu to think family members shouldn't be god parents, but equally, if you feel that the godparents that you have chosen will be involved in the child's life until its 18 then that's just fine too.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/11/2013 07:21

Just have more god mothers. I have two, very common for Catholics.

RevengeWiggle · 20/11/2013 07:22

You don't have to pander to her, I would make it clear the choices on offer are being godparent alongside your friend or not being godparent at all. Has your DH spoke to her about it?

WillSingForCake · 20/11/2013 07:27

We're going to have to have family members as godparents for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. Used up both our religious friends as godparents for DD1! Can't ask them to be godparents again as they both gave staggeringly generous christening gifts to DD1 and they'd feel obliged to do the same for DC2.

All our other friends are aethiest, whereas we have lots of believer family members!

Oblomov · 20/11/2013 07:31

Catholics here. Is normal to have 2 sets of parents, so 4 godparents.

wigglesrock · 20/11/2013 07:34

Must be where you're from? I don't know anyone with 2 sets of godparents Smile Well apart from Royals and I'm using the term "know" very loosely Smile

MinesAPintOfTea · 20/11/2013 07:35

We had to have a family member as a godparent as we aren't close to any non-family practising catholics. I ignored my parents' demands that we had someone from their side as well for fairness.

heronsfly · 20/11/2013 07:35

Are you having her baptised as a Catholic ?, I am a god mother to my dgd as well as two of my dds friends, simply because neither of the others are practising Catholics and the Church requires at least one.

feelingdizzy · 20/11/2013 07:36

You can have lots of godparents, my niece has two godmothers as god parents me and my sil sister. I thought it was quite a good idea.

whoneedssleepanyway · 20/11/2013 07:36

I wouldn't want someone so self centred to be a god mother full stop. Tell her is is share role or nothing and tell her you have already asked your other friend. If she isn't mature enough to accept that then she isn't go other material.

nooka · 20/11/2013 07:37

I have two non family godparents plus an aunt. My older siblings just have two each so I assume I have an extra one as the aunt doesn't really count (that's how I felt when I was younger anyway!).

It should be totally the parent's choice, and the role is to be a spiritual guide for the child, not to be a guardian (you need to state guardians in your will, there is no legal obligation otherwise).

I'm an atheist now so no godparents for my children, but I would be seriously unimpressed if anyone, family or not insisted that it was their right to be sole godmother, and would just say no that the role has already been filled and if you want to be nice say maybe for a future child.

Breezy1985 · 20/11/2013 07:38

My DD had my best friend as a godmother, my DD is now 9 and hasn't seen her since she was 15 months old Sad No explanation either.

DS had just family.

My sister had 14 godparents for her DD Blush

nooka · 20/11/2013 07:39

Oh, should probably say I was christened as a Catholic. I don't know anyone with four godparents, feels a bit excessive Grin