Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to think that family members shouldn't be god parents!

92 replies

Bellini28 · 20/11/2013 07:00

Basically our 2 week old has had her godparents sitting in wait since before conception. Very very close friends, particularly of DH. I should add that this is a concession I make to DH as I'm not a believer and if pushed consider myself an atheist. We now have a situation where Dh's sister (we live in different countries) is insisting god mother is her role and hers alone. They are devout Catholics and take this stuff very seriously. She doesn't seem willing to compromise and now we are left - or rather DH is - with the prospect of having to tell our lovely, like a sister to DH, friend that she cannot be god mother.... Incidentally we live in a country where this is taken very seriously.

I am staying on the sideline as I love all involved and feel this is Dh's mess to sort out. But I can't help but think that family is family and a god parent should be the family we have chosen ourselves... As in dear friends.

Thoughts on how to handle much appreciated.

OP posts:

Littlemisstax · 20/11/2013 13:37

DH and DC are Catholic.

DD has three godparents - D(step)B and D(step)SIL and a family friend
DS will have four - DSIL, my best mate and two family friends

I was told it was traditional to have 3 godparents - two the same gender as the child and one of the opposite gender. The form from our church has spaces for 4, of which only one has to be a practicing Catholic.

Quoteunquote · 20/11/2013 14:28

Don't have your child christened, let them decide if they want to when they are an adult, that way you don't have to choose god parents.

KitCat26 · 20/11/2013 14:43

Anyone who demands to be a god parent should not get the role, or even an invite!

My own godparents are family, my children's are family and friends. One has two godparents, the other three (all squished on the certificate).

In both cases the family member met the practicing Catholic criteria of the church.

Bunbaker · 20/11/2013 15:59

I have copied this

"In England, the Synod of Worcester (1240) stipulated three sponsors (two of the same sex and one of the opposite), and this has remained the norm in the Church of England"

So just tell your SIL that you have decided that your daughter is going to have two godmothers (if you have decided to have your SIL that is).

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 20/11/2013 16:12

My best friend is my DD's godmother, i didnt ask family because they already have important roles in my DD's life.

squoosh · 20/11/2013 16:46

Family members can definitely be godparents, it's pretty standard actually. I have godchildren I'm related to as well as ones I'm not. I've only ever heard of two godparents per child though, well apart from celebs, v surprised at all these multiple godfathers and mothers ones per child!

Of course the issue here is that no one has the right to insist that they're selected as godparent! Tell her to sod off.

squoosh · 20/11/2013 16:50

Me too Churlish, all my christenings have been Irish ones, three godparents at the font would have created quite the stir!

squoosh · 20/11/2013 16:52

In fact my friend came up against resistance when she decided to have two godfathers for her daughter and not bother with a godmother. I think it created a momentary kerfuffle.

Bunbaker · 20/11/2013 18:31

"I've only ever heard of two godparents per child though

It is usual in the Church of England to have two godparents the same sex as the child and one of the opposite sex, so three is the usual amount. All my family and OH's family have/had three godparents each.

ShinyBauble · 20/11/2013 18:37

My Mum's two best friends were my godmothers. She lost touch with them 20 years ago, so now I have no godmothers. At least family are more likely to stick around!

TickyTockTock · 20/11/2013 20:52

Shiny, that's not always the case. DD & DS have 3 godparents each, one of which is their uncle. I think he's bothered with them twice in the last 2 years. Their other Godparents however are brilliant and not a week goes by without them being involved in some way.
I wish we hadn't chosen the uncle.

MickeyTheShortOne · 20/11/2013 21:20

Tell her to sod off! Its got bugger all to do with her- you do what you want to do.

DD has 5 "god parents" spoilt (we didn't have her christened so I suppose "mentors" would be a better word). 4 of them are my best friends and non family members (are as good as) and SIL is the last. She is the closest to my DP out of all his siblings and she cant have children of her own.

Sorry, a bit off tangent there but hey ho. Its your choice!!

SatinSandals · 21/11/2013 06:03

I think it is up to the parents, they can have family or non family or more than convention asks for.
The big decision is whether to have her as an extra one or whether to miss her out if she is dictating. For family harmony I would just have her as an extra.

MyBaby1day · 22/11/2013 00:55

YANBU, I think they should always be non-relatives. If you are a child's Auntie you're an Auntie, not a GodMother aswell, yet good friends aren't linked in this way and so it's nice, it gives them a bond they migt not otherwise have with their GodChild, I've always thought this.

MyBaby1day · 22/11/2013 00:56

might

foreverondiet · 22/11/2013 07:34

Just tell her if she wants to be a godmother she can but also with your friend, as she is abroad. If she says no then tell her she can't do it.

Bunbaker · 22/11/2013 08:03

DD has three godparents, one is OH's sister and the other two are very good friends. Our choice was very limited because we wanted the godparents to be believers and take their roles seriously. After all, they make promises to God in church so it is hypocritical to have atheists as godparents.

Flip

1 2 3 4