to think that this article is just another way to sneer at sahms? Motherism?

[usuallyright]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/18/sorry-but-being-a-mother-is-not-the-most-important-job-in-the-world

Whilst I agree with some of it, I don't like the sneery tone. There are many similar articles around at the moment about Mothers who choose to stay at home.
Imagine if someone wrote a similar article about working Mothers.
It's just another excuse to pour scorn on Mothers and their choices, which are often complex decisions, not a knee jerk decision to be a martyr..

Knowing one or two people who didn't like their maternity leave period doesn't mean anything. You can't possibly extrapolate the experiences of a few unhappy women. And no-one - no-one knows what it's like to have kids until they actually have them. Add PND, being skint, not liking groups into the equation - plus some people's identity is very bound up in their work. that's fine

On the small business front, I have a successful business which I just happen to run out of my home and you can't claim back costs. You can offset costs against your earnings to reduce your tax burden, but if you're earning £40 a week you won't be paying tax so can't make use of the offsets.

I've nothing against working Mums, I am one, but when Mums and Dads work 24/7, and constantly complain that baby/toddler/kid stuff bores them shitless and they'd much rather be doing anything else, I do idly wonder why the hell they decided to become parents because it's an optional life experience. (and obviously I'm talking about parents who make an active choice, not those who fall pregnant accidentally)

I loved my maternity leave - far from being boring, it was one of the happiest and most relaxed times of my life.

I can see how it would be annoying to hear people complain about maternity leave/childcare being boring. However, by the same token, I find it odd when SAHPs bang on about what a hard job it is to be at home with the kids. I love spending time with my dd, she is great company - it isn't a chore for me at all!

I think my job is part of my identity in that I can't imagine giving it up and being a SAHP. Well to be honest my DCs are older so I wouldn't really be any more of a SAHP than I am now, given that they are in school all day, but when they were younger, it wouldn't have been my choice.

I do enjoy my DCs though, I love spending time with them.

I wonder whether the mums you're talking about who say the kids "bore them shitless" etc aren't very similar to the young women (usually young) in newspaper comment pages saying nasty things about lazy stay at home mothers / how disgusting BF is / etc etc. There's a dismissiveness about the maternal experience in life generally (just look at what the media say about and their attitude towards Mumsnet: "mothers! talking to each other! They must only be talking about milk and groceries! They have nothing useful to say beyond that because they're mothers)

Once people have children that is going to isolate them - because rather than embracing the infrastructure that exists for mothers of small children they are at home, sneering, sawing off their noses to spite their faces and to ensure they aren't, y'know, like us. And heaven knows there's only so much Homes Under The Hammer you can watch. No bloody wonder they're itching to get back to work.

Oh - I work BTW. It's not really relevant but since that's what we're talking about, full disclosure etc...

I think whether you find something boring is more down to your personality type and attitude than anything else. And you certainly can't generalise anything from individual people's anecdotes. FWIW I thoroughly enjoyed my ML..like I said earlier, enjoying one thing doesn't mean you have to hate something else. It's perfectly possible to love spending time with your children and also to love working !

I agree Longtalljosie, and wonder how much of this is a genuine sense of not enjoying it and wanting to rush back to work, (which is fine) or just feeling embarrassed by the status of a sahm, as the sahm is currently presented in pop culture: the invisible drudge who watches too much daytime telly, no identity, dependant and should strive to be economically active.

This is an attitude I've seen here, in the media, newspapers, telly etc. since the past 3 governments have slowly made it their combined mission to get all parents out working whilst subtly, insidiously, undermining and pushing out the usefulness and relevance of a sahp.

Fewer people are going to feel confident or comfortable doing a job which isn't respected. I do wonder how much of the " oooh I couldn't do it, I'd be bored, braindead, I need stimulation" mentality comes from a truly real, authentic sense of not being happy (with the obvious exception of pnd) and how much of it comes from knowing that sahparenting is currently frowned upon and in the process of being squeezed out as an option by successive governments. So it's all a bit embarrassing and quick, get the power suit back on and off to the office, don't want to let the sisterhood down..

I disagree with that. If it was the little woman too brainwashed into going back to work by recent governments why not also brainwashed into staying at home by other cultural norms and expectations. There's nothing abnormal in an adult needing stimulation in addition or in a different way to how little children can provide it. Why should you hide that? Why pretend at living baking and crafts and jumping in puddles when reality falls do short of that?

The thing is priorities are different too, whether you can afford to be a stahm. All people who have something against the working mum's it isn't always their choice. I picked feeding my kids over being a stahm and people saying that makes me less of a parent really offends

LCHammer, there's nothing wrong with that.
But if you have a years maternity leave and spend it in your house complaining of boredom, like my friend, or are pregnant with your first but already know it's going to be unfulfilling,dull and plan to return sharpish, well how much of that is experience and how much is prejudice?

Interesting how the thread was started as a defence of SAHM and the perceived sneering attitudes towards them but has somehow been turned around to have a go, in the last page or so, at women who go back to work. Divide and conquer, as always.

there's a world of difference between a mother who's sick of her maternity leave, finding it lonely and boring,
and a childless woman who berates her colleague for considering being a sahm because "you'll go mad, what will you do all day?"

Why would anyone be prejudiced and decide they won't like time with their baby? Why can't you accept that people can say they'll go back to work after one year? At least you have honest friends who maybe foolishly trusted you'd understand them, not use their example to entrench your own prejudice.

a bit like the writer of this article, who's life couldn't be more markedly different to that of your average woman, berating women.
(Does she really live on a kibbutz, or is this a comedic comment?!)

why would anyone be prejudiced?! Are you serious? People are judgmental and prejudiced towards others on an hourly basis, often without any experience of the thing they're judging! I lost count of the number of childless men and women who gave me unsolicited (judgmental) advice as to what I should do career wise after having our first baby.. I felt like I had a sign on my forehead saying: tell me what to do, cos I've no clue"

Hang on, I can't be having clever discussions on the 'net. I need to go and get the kids. Such is the life of mums.

No earlier on the thread took a turn about working mum's too . I have nothing against stahm until one decides she is a better mum and does more with her children , which just is not true. Everyone makes a choice for their family. I went back to work when mine were 6 months so I could feed and house them

and at my first antenatal classes, many of the people I met had preconceived notions about parenting and how it was going to be. We all do, don't we? Many of us say we'll do one thing before giving birth, are certain we'll feel a certain way, and then change our minds...

Oh I definitely do more with my child than most because I'm lucky enough to have the time (and finance) to. If working parents have free less time then of course there is less opportunity to do things. Mind you, being a SAHP is no guarantee that the child will be exposed to more. Some people are happy being in the home all day, others couldn't think of anything worse.

My child has gained in many aspects by me not having a paid job, but equally she has missed out on a lot too because being with me limits he life to being limited by me.

Pros and cons for both parents and children.

is it not all about balance though ? balance between work and children.
I make sure I can work and still do everything with my children.

I am with you with the parents that obviously are never at home etc and I understand stahm ,,, I will hopefully be one shortly.
but I do feel its all about balance. I make time to do all those things because they are my children and whether I work or not that doesn't change a thing.

yes joy, I found that comment odd too. You can't spend as much time (as sahm's do)with your kids if you're working!
In the holidays, if mine are in the holiday club, I'm not spending time with them, I'm elsewhere! Stay at home mums are spending more time with their kids during the weeks mine are elsewhere. And that's fine by me: they enjoy it, I enjoy it, yada yada...

I think this woman is intelligent and has a point, but the way she makes it is so reductive it becomes just another weapon to beat SAHMs with rather than an analysis of women's lives today.

It just give the more vocal SOHMs ammunition rather than encourages debate. I would rather she had looked more deeply into why women are pushed into this corner where in order to protect children we feel we have to tell everyone else we are in charge. Perhaps it is because we have still not been reassured that they will be safe, that if Daddy's ill we will still have to take the day off work, that if the nursery has to close for the day we will have to drop everything.

usuallyright I didn't say spend time of them as such I said do things with them.

I make sure I am there sole carer and that I am the one there for them.

Exactly mumofbeautys- it's all about balance!

Hopefully everyone on here is intelligent enough to realise that a simple "I spend 6 hours a day under the same roof as my child, therefore I must be a better parent than one who spends 3 hours". There are so many variables, in terms of what Youre doing with your child during the time you spend with them. And of course, the interactions and experiences the child is having when you're not with them.

I really don't get at all why a few people on here are obsessing about the fact that a WOHP may be spending fewer actual hours in the week with their child. So what? You measure the quality of parenting and childhood by the richness of relationships and experience. Or at least most of us do, I would think.

its all variables. there will be stahm who do f all with their children too. what happens when they are at school.
and I can honestly say as a full time worker, i do all activities with my children. i changed my career to do this yes and took an a lower job and different shift hours. so it no 1 is the same and you cant paint all with the same brush.

i don't see the article about WOH or SAH but about an idolisation of Motherhood rather than actually being a parent.