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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is DH being a dick or am I

207 replies

Mrschocolate · 17/11/2013 20:44

DH thinks I am being daft and hormonal (I'm 7 months pregnant)
I think he is being annoying and if he carries on I will kill him.

He has spent the past two Sundays grumping because he wants different veg with his roast dinner. Between them my DCs will only eat sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli and because there is a limited time on Sunday I just make what they all like. But DH keeps saying he is bored, I have told him to make his own if it bothers him that much but he just says he doesn't want too.

Then yesterday I asked him to go and get some Xmas presents we have a set budget for each DC. I had set aside more money for my eldest two and less for the youngest two who are both 1 so they won't notice or remember and they will get lots off family anyway. DH agreed this with me. But yesterday he decided that it was unfair and spent loads on the youngest two and he bought some stuff which they already have. When I pointed this out to him he sulked for hours and refused to take them back.

But when I complain he says I am hormonal and just dismisses me as some mad pregnant woman. So AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrschocolate · 19/11/2013 21:55

I don't know where to go from here. I just want to do whats best for the DCs.
He says that he has proof of his story his mates from work will vouch for him. He also came home early on Thursday after telling me that he would be late. (Because he was planning on meeting her) he says I can contact her and ask her if I want.

OP posts:
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 22:00

What is best for the dc's is for you to not swallow his demeaning and belittling bullshit. I couldn't look my kids in the face if I overlooked such disrespect of me and our family unit.

Divorce him. Show your kids you (and they) are worth more than this.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 22:02

he knows you would be too embarassed to contact her (and who would blame you)

And his "mates from work" are reliable witnesses who wouldn't lie through their arse for one of their own ? Pull the other one.

JumpingJackSprat · 19/11/2013 22:02

What a horrible bastard. He shouldn't be contacting other women to get a confidence boost, he needs to be making more effort with you. Don't rush into anything but nor would I rush to trust him or believe what he tells you. You need to look after yourself OP.

toffeesponge · 19/11/2013 22:03

That's big of him to say you can contact her if you want.

His friends will back him up with lies
He will call her to back him up

I can sense you are weakening to stay with him. Your life and you must always do what you think it best but don't stay with him for your child. What a huge pressure on someone so small and I suspect lots of adult children would wish their parents separated rather than made them live in a house where there was no love between their parents.

pianodoodle · 19/11/2013 22:08

What "thinking" did he have to do? Sounds like buying time to organise "proof" for a story.

He wouldn't be offering proof at the outset if he didn't know himself how implausible he must sound.

Really confusing for you. I don't think you're getting the whole truth at all but you're right to keep him at a distance for now.

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 19/11/2013 22:09

It's hard not to weaken but I won't just take him back. I couldn't take him back just for the DCs. My parents did that and it just didn't work. I am just going to give it time for now.

OP posts:
EverybodysStressyEyed · 19/11/2013 22:09

Even if he is telling the truth, he has still taken a woman's number and kept it, contacted her to meet up (even if he cancelled at the last minute) and he has been treating you like shot because of his guilty conscience.

He is looking after himself - you need to look out for yourself. Don't rush into a decision - take your time.

steff13 · 19/11/2013 22:13
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 22:14

You do realise he stayed out of your way at his mother's and refused to speak to you until he had got his cock and bull story lined up with his mates and this woman, don't you ?

WannaSplitAPineapple · 19/11/2013 22:17

If when the car was stolen he still has his phone why didn't he ring you? If his phone was taken how does he still have her number?

It may just be that he's overwhelmed with the responsibility of another child, which doesn't excuse it but may explain why he is doing something which from what you've said sounds out of character.

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 19/11/2013 22:19

Oh he didn't keep the girls number. He binned it but then found her again on Facebook

OP posts:
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 22:20

Is that better then ?

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 19/11/2013 22:21

I don't know mist

OP posts:
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 22:22

he has done such a number on you Sad

pianodoodle · 19/11/2013 22:33

Has he even acknowledged or apologised for how awful his behaviour to you was? I hope he isn't excusing it. Does he realise the strain he's putting on you or it is all now about "poor me"?

Really sorry only you know him but so much about what he says doesn't ring true at all.

I'm glad you're not rushing hope you're doing alright and concentrate on what's best for you x

MissSmiley · 19/11/2013 22:37

Don't do anything rash. You say he's normally a great partner and husband. People can behave a bit oddly under pressure. We had two kids then unexpectedly had twins followed v closely by another surprise baby so we have been through something v similar stress wise. Anyone with a "normal" number of kids can only imagine the stress you are both under. Please try to find some time to be alone with each other without the children and decide together how to move forward. I think he's being honest. He deserves a second chance.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 19/11/2013 22:38

So sorry op :(

YoniMatopoeia · 19/11/2013 23:21

I am sorry but I disagree with missSmiley. Pretty much 100 % of the time you are getting the minimal version ofthe truth that they think they can get aaway with.

Can you pinpoint when his behaviour started to change?

TheDoctrineOfWho · 20/11/2013 00:16

Did he apologise for being a twat about the vegetables?

Once he'd explained the present thing, did he apologise for the way he spoke to you as it was his guilt talking?

Overall, has he said he was wrong to call you hormonal when actually he is the one in the wrong?

Housesellerihope · 20/11/2013 06:52

I remember your previous thread and I believed his story and defended him then. Now I don't and think that story and this story are complete bullshit. Sorry OP and stay strong.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 20/11/2013 07:07

Does he have proof about the original story? Police report or anything?

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 20/11/2013 07:26

The police came to our house to check on him and found our car.

He apologized for being a dick and for blaming me for it. He keeps saying he will try and make it up to me but I said I just needed time to decide what to do.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfWho · 20/11/2013 07:32

Ok, that's good he admitted he was a dick for blaming you.

nennypops · 20/11/2013 07:38

I agree with MissSmiley, this really isn't the time to start jumping to conclusions. But he really needs to come home and explain himself fully, and start making up for his behaviour.

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