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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

is DH being a dick or am I

207 replies

Mrschocolate · 17/11/2013 20:44

DH thinks I am being daft and hormonal (I'm 7 months pregnant)
I think he is being annoying and if he carries on I will kill him.

He has spent the past two Sundays grumping because he wants different veg with his roast dinner. Between them my DCs will only eat sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli and because there is a limited time on Sunday I just make what they all like. But DH keeps saying he is bored, I have told him to make his own if it bothers him that much but he just says he doesn't want too.

Then yesterday I asked him to go and get some Xmas presents we have a set budget for each DC. I had set aside more money for my eldest two and less for the youngest two who are both 1 so they won't notice or remember and they will get lots off family anyway. DH agreed this with me. But yesterday he decided that it was unfair and spent loads on the youngest two and he bought some stuff which they already have. When I pointed this out to him he sulked for hours and refused to take them back.

But when I complain he says I am hormonal and just dismisses me as some mad pregnant woman. So AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
puntasticusername · 18/11/2013 23:23

Ok, I'm sometimes wrong about this stuff and I'm prepared to be so, and/or get flamed, on this too...

You say that he's generally a good husband and father, and that this catalogue of odd behaviour is significantly out of character for him. So I vote for giving him the benefit of the doubt until you hear what he has to say tomorrow. I really hope it turns out to be something daft that you will be laughing about in a few months' time. Maybe he's got a rash on his knob and he's worried you're going to think it's an std that he caught from someone other than you, or something!

Agree it's far from ideal making you wait until tomorrow afternoon to hear from him, though, way to give your wife a sleepless night Sad

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 18/11/2013 23:26

There is nothing in this whole universe worth making your wife wait around like a servant until he is ready to talk to her. Nothing.

puntasticusername · 18/11/2013 23:29

Actually, on rereading the whole thread I'm going to bet that it's some issue at work. I hope whatever it is, it's a solvable one!

Pennythedog · 19/11/2013 01:09

Oh, well at least you will know tomorrow. Good luck for the talk and I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

Pennythedog · 19/11/2013 01:10

Oh, well at least you will know tomorrow. Good luck for the talk and I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

passedgo · 19/11/2013 01:20

Wow, you're up to 13 pages overnight! I hope dp has a really good excuse tomorrow. Try not to get stressed, you just never know what might be going on. Until you know there is no point in worrying.

Think Prince Poncey until you get the facts. It made me smile.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 19/11/2013 01:42

I'm sorry he is putting you through this - his unborn child too, this much stress is not good for either of you :(

I hope you are managing to get some sleep unlike me, too much coffee & too much on my mind, lethal mix

MrsBonkers · 19/11/2013 02:49

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.
I'm sure whatever he has to say wont be as bad as the stuff you make up in your head whilst waiting.

steff13 · 19/11/2013 02:53

It seems mean to make you wait, though. He must know you're worried sick. Good luck to you.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 19/11/2013 04:53
Brew Was it your DH who was assaulted last month? Is he suffering PTSD? (((hug))) for you
Tigresswoods · 19/11/2013 05:35

I was wondering that. He's the DH who went "missing"

BlatantRedhead · 19/11/2013 06:01

OP I'm reporting your thread to have it moved to relationships as that's a better place for this kind of thing. This whole thread has made me sad for you, I hope you're ok and haven't been awake worrying.

notablob · 19/11/2013 06:14

You poor thing, what a nightmare.

stillenacht · 19/11/2013 06:29

Have read whole thread, hope you are ok OP xx

notablob · 19/11/2013 06:38

Yes, that was chocolate's DH. I'd wager the disappearance is connected to this new behaviour. Can you put your finger on when it started OP?

Housesellerihope · 19/11/2013 06:38

Hope you're ok - MIL sounds great at least.

TEEurkeyDay · 19/11/2013 06:50

Are you sure Chocolate wants this moved to Relatuonships? Shouldn't that be her call?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 19/11/2013 06:53

hq will ask her first

Lambzig · 19/11/2013 07:07

OP, I hope you are ok this morning.

My ex DH used to go off to think things through' on a regular basis. I never knew if he would be a few hours, a night or several days. He wouldn't communicate while he was gone. It left me so powerless and an emotional wreck.

I didn't see it at the time, but it was another way to control me, so please don't let him do this to you again if it's a first.

I think you do need to get to the bottom of what is going on and don't take any nonsense about you being hormonal.

Mrschocolate · 19/11/2013 07:18

Morning
Yes it was my DH who went 'missing' last month. His behaviour started two weeks ago however he seemed to be coping okay and he was talking to me about it.
I have wondered if it has something to do with that either PTSD or something that he didn't tell me about that night.

Anyway I called him last night and asked him to get here earlier because I didn't want to wait all day. He said he would come at lunch time then, but I shouldn't 'stress'

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 19/11/2013 07:18

MIL sounds like his enabler.

Don't think I'll be passing messages between my married son and his wife...

paxtecum · 19/11/2013 07:42

Choc: Hope all turns out well for you.

Thinking ahead: is your DH going to get the snip or would you consider being sterilised.
Apologies if that is an inappropriate question.

I have geat respect for people with several children as I would have struggled to have more thasn two.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 19/11/2013 07:48

It is entirely possible he is stressed and wants some time to think.
But flouncing off to his mother's home, leaving his pregnant wife to worry whilst caring for his children is unfair, unkind and unacceptable.
His behaviour is controlling.
If my DH left me stewing like this after behaving like an arse he had better have something bloody interesting to say on his return.
I hope all goes well for you today.

Thants · 19/11/2013 08:00

He is being ridiculous.
Obviously one year olds don't even notice presents!
Stop making roasts. He can make them and pick the veg.

EirikurNoromaour · 19/11/2013 08:02

He's being a dick, but I wonder what happened when he went missing? Could he have been assaulted? Trauma can affect peoples' behaviour in various ways. I wouldn't normally be looking for an excuse for dickishness but on this occasion there might be more to it.