is DH being a dick or am I

[Mrschocolate]

DH thinks I am being daft and hormonal (I'm 7 months pregnant)
I think he is being annoying and if he carries on I will kill him.

He has spent the past two Sundays grumping because he wants different veg with his roast dinner. Between them my DCs will only eat sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli and because there is a limited time on Sunday I just make what they all like. But DH keeps saying he is bored, I have told him to make his own if it bothers him that much but he just says he doesn't want too.

Then yesterday I asked him to go and get some Xmas presents we have a set budget for each DC. I had set aside more money for my eldest two and less for the youngest two who are both 1 so they won't notice or remember and they will get lots off family anyway. DH agreed this with me. But yesterday he decided that it was unfair and spent loads on the youngest two and he bought some stuff which they already have. When I pointed this out to him he sulked for hours and refused to take them back.

But when I complain he says I am hormonal and just dismisses me as some mad pregnant woman. So AIBU or is he?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Cherchez la femme?

[Mrschocolate]

passedgo I have asked him but he just says it's all in my head.
I might ask his mum if she knows anything.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

MrsC this does not sound good.

If this weekend is an abberation then maybe some time in the doghouse or at his mother's would be wise.

If it's becoming standard behaviour, then it sounds like you have a selfish, nasty abusive git on your hands

[ocelot41]

Depression? Sometimes manifests as anger and generally behaving like a dick. Not that his comments are in any way excusable. Is he rebelling against the extra responsibility of a new baby by being as irresponsible as possible? That said, not your job to puzzle this out -it's his.

[Mrschocolate]

annie you will have to excuse my stupidity but I don't really know what that means

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Look for a woman, OP. That's what Annie meant, an affair.

Are the two older DC his?

[passedgo]

Yes, ask his Mum.

[Shellywelly1973]

Mrschocolate
Your dh is a very lucky man. Im 7 months pregnant with dc6 but my dc are older then yours so nowhere near as hard work.

If my dp, for any reason carried on as your dh has- I would inflict some serious pain on him!

My dp isn't perfect... big lumbering oaf at times but he's never treated me the way you've described your dh treating you.

I wouldn't be giving him any choices about going to his mums... he'd be gone!

[JumpingJackSprat]

I really feel for you op. No practical advice but it's most definitely him being the arse. Well done for standing up for yourself.

[cees]

Christ he needs to grow up.
YANBU

[attheendoftheday]

Sounds like a shitty situation you're in, op.

He is absolutely in the wrong to treat you so badly. I would send him to his mother's too.

The 'i paid for it so it's mine' attitude is controlling and abusive. Trying to kick his pregnant wife out of bed is horrendous.

Honestly, counselling or ltb.

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

He is bu and a nob head. I'd send him to his mother's

[fiftyandfab]

I'd stuff the veg up his arse. Sideways.

[Pennythedog]

Well done for standing up to him!

You must be exhausted though. I hope you can get to the bottom of this awful behavior because it really isn't what you need right now.

In 8 months pregnant and we had sausages and sandwiches for dinner.

[PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline]

Hope you're ok this morning OP.

Have you spoken?

[Joysmum]

Predictably, I feel differently to most of the posters.

As far as the veg goes, is be pretty bored with getting the same thing over and over and like to mix our meals up a little. Our daughter went through stages of what she liked and didn't like but I felt it important not to pander to her and offer up some of what she didn't like that given week to see us enjoying it and have the opportunity to try it when the dislike had worn off. I never made a big thing of it or commented. She has loved and loathed every veggie known to man over the years!

All of my family have preferences for different meals, hubby loves cottage pie which DD and I are indifferent to, DD loves spag bol which hubby hates the faff of and is indifferent to pasta, I love slabs of meat and don't mind it being on the bone or trimming off fat when it's on my plate, the others hate doing both. Each of us gets to enjoy our fav meals and don't complain because we know it's give and take and like to see the other 2 enjoying their fav. It's no big deal unless you make it a big deal and the OP is making a big deal of it. It's no biggy to offer variety and in fact it's beneficial to do so. A bag of prepped veg thrown in water isn't that big a faff and why wouldn't you want to please your partner?

As far as the pressies are concerned, that I can relate to. I have a hubby that works very long and unpredictable hours and is often away. He's a bugger for guilt buying gifts because he feels bad about not being home much. I see it as perpetuating the need for him to work long hours to pay for it all! Fact is, much as I hate it, he has as much right to decide in what to buy my daughter as I have. He doesn't do it to piss me off, he does it because he wants to and needs to so I just accept it as something else we don't agree on. He knows I don't approve, I know his reasons and yet we still don't agree...that's life.

[Hawkmoth]

This thread just made me sadder and sadder with each post OP. Hope you are ok this morning.

When I started reading I was going to suggest sticking parsnips or squash round the roast. By the end it was: go through his phone, email and bank because there's something very fishy going on.

He's pushing you away, probably to create a backstory in his head as to why he's so unhappy that he needs attention elsewhere. Or he's a fuckwit.

Good luck.

[Pennythedog]

Joysmum, he can get off his lazy arse and make dinner himself if he is bored. OP is heavily pregnant with 1 year old twins plus two older children plus working part time. She must be knackered! I'm knackered just thinking about it.

[Mrschocolate]

joysmum with regards to the veg I do serve different veg during the week and my DCs have to try it but on Sundays I can't really be bothered fighting and it's the one meal we have that is fun and calm and we get to talk about things with the DCs without tears or screaming etc.

The presents thing mostly annoyed me because he didn't talk to me about it he just did it with any real thought. Had he of sat down and said I want to spend more on the twins we could have come up with a different plan.

I haven't seen him this morning because he went to work but he left a note saying he was going to talk to his mum tonight. She is coming round at lunch anyway (I think H has said something to her) so I shall talk to her then.

Yes all the DCs are his as well.

[ineedanexcuse]

Sounds like you have a good relationship with MIL so maybe you could show her this thread .Mainly because it was written almost as it happened so not a reactive posting and you can elaborate if necessary as she reads through.

I hope its just something to do with work/money that can easily be solved if communication channels are open.

[TheHeadlessLadyofCannock]

He's being a tosser. Sounds like a teenager and a toddler at the same time.

I agree that perhaps something bigger is going on. I'd rather not believe that he's just acting like this because he genuinely think it's OK.

About the veg, though, I'd say serve the variety of veg you and your H like rather than just what the children like at the moment. They won't die if they really refuse to eat one kind of vegetable sometimes.

[RevelsRoulette]

re the veg, I would just - actually I do - cook several different types. Just smaller amounts. Those who like the peas have them. Those who want the carrots, have them. Those who fancy the brocoli, have that. As long as the total amount of veg cooked is equal to the amount of veg needed for 4 people, it really doesn't matter.

re the shopping - he's being stupid. And petulant.

But as for the information in your later posts - they describe a man who is petty, childish, spiteful, selfish and who appears to view you as a domestic appliance.

I suppose what you do depends whether this is just who he is and always has been or if this is a change from a previously loving and lovely partner. Since you say this sort of thing isn't normal for him, then I suppose under the arsish behaviour could be a person who is struggling for some reason about something and who has chosen to dump on you.

We all do it sometimes, I suppose. but it's important to be clear with him that it is unacceptable.

[RevelsRoulette]

Sorry, 4 people obv refers to my family. enough veg for you for however many's in yours.

[Pennythedog]

Good luck with the mil chat. I hope it isn't anything too awful and he's just worried about the baby or something.

[Pennythedog]

Ps this is obviously about much more than veg.