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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I have grown out of my friends?

103 replies

DeepFeet · 17/11/2013 02:27

I must admit I am the first of my twenty-something circle to have dc. We have all kept in contact since school/college.and see each other as regularly as we can.

My DM kindly agreed to watch 18 mo dd tonight so thought I would join my friends on a night out.
First night out for a long long time I must admit but assumed we would be going for dinner, maybe a few cocktails afterwards.

I got out and couldnt believe how drunk my friends were! Vomiting in every corner, abusing bouncers because they wouldnt let them in because they were too drunk. Crying over nothing.

AIBU to wish I had stayed home in my pjs with a boxset and x factor? Or am I just a boring bastard now because I have children? Surely this is not anybodys idea of fun

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 17/11/2013 02:42

YANBU, having children gives you a totally different set of checks and balances, having to constantly assess/reference whether everything's OK with such an important person (your DD) it a difficult mindset to get out of.

It also gives you 'highs' you could never imagine beforehand, getting so fucked you're chucking up in corners, taking on bouncers and falling into hedges () doesn't have the same appeal when you know what it's like when you and your newborn are staring into each others eyes.

They're still looking for something, and you've found it.

No need to give up on them completely though, you're just out of sync, give it time and you might be back in step with each other.

kickassangel · 17/11/2013 02:49

Were nights out like this before you had your dd?

Original poster

DeepFeet · 17/11/2013 02:58

Thanks for that lovely post AgentZigZag you are totally right. I have a lot more priorities now and nights out are the least of them, its nice to go out every now and again but I would much rather spend time with my DD.

kickassangel I never thought nights out were like this, but I assume they were. You dont realise how much your mindset changes until you have children!

OP posts:

bellablot · 17/11/2013 03:12

Yeah this happens. I out grew a lot of my 'drinking' friends after having children, it's natural. Don't get too hung up on it, if you'd prefer to stay in on a Sat evening watching x-factor in your pj's, then do that, your a mum with new priorities. Go with the flow.

ICameOnTheJitney · 17/11/2013 03:13

YANBU but don't cut the ties completely because they will also probably have children and change,....and you can't replace a long history.

Elizabeththefirst · 17/11/2013 03:14

That sounds like an awful night, children or no children.

You probably have grown out of this particular set of friends. Find some that can enjoy a dance and a drink without turning into a cesspool type pit of despair.

AgentZigzag · 17/11/2013 03:26

Try to draw on how you feel about the alternative/puking when it gets difficult looking after your (I'm sure) very active toddler.

You can still enjoy going out, but you know now that you're after different things (reconnecting with your friends) and you don't need to get shitfaced to emphasise that you've had a great time ().

I had DD1 when I was 29 and DD2 at 38 so I was spared all this

MiniMonty · 17/11/2013 04:44

They'll catch up... (your friends that is) and you'll probably turn into the font of all wisdom as they all have kids.

You'll be sanguine (and you will SO enjoy it).

HAHA !

stoppitySTOP · 17/11/2013 07:56

It's funny, because you sound jealous of their life. (Maybe not the puking exactly, but their freedom etc). Nobody with a healthy level of self-esteem or contentment with their life needs to come onto a site after a night out and "stealth" (not so much) boast about how much better they are now. Which is exactly what your post is doing - pointing out how much better you are than your friends. "Friends".

Seriously, OP. You know what you came here to hear. You are better than your friends. You are a superior being because you have the responsibility of your daughter. Well done you.

And oh God how I laughed at "They're still looking for something, and you've found it." Did you MEAN to be so nauseatingly smug? I mean, it couldn't be that they are living life as they see fit, having fun in their own way etc. It must because because they don't know "what it's like when you and your newborn are staring into each others eyes."

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 07:59

Im the same,went out wuth my friends a few weeks back.We are all in our twenties but they dont have kids.I did notice that whilst i had a few drinks they went all out to the point they were throwing up in the bar,actually at their seats and by the end of the night were falling asleep and really buggered.They were trying to encourage me to drink more which they should know better than to but i dont seem as thirsty as they do anymore....
When i go out now id rather just have a couple of drinks and a meal,i dont seem to get giddy drunk like I used to and kinda end up looking after everyone else.Its always in the back of my mind to be alert and not too drunk and not get in any bother because ds is my priority 24/7

Crowler · 17/11/2013 08:00

Oh my god! First of all, I had a good laugh over the vomiting in the corners and crying over nothing. Secondly, no YANBU. Your friends sound hilariously bad.

D011Y · 17/11/2013 08:04

You have a different life now. It isn't better, only different.

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 08:04

I think the OP is realising that life changes a lot when a child is in your life.I dont think shes boasting tbh.Im sure if most drunk people watched themselves back there would be a few things that theyd wish they hadnt done,i know my friends wasnt too chuffed she threw up everywhere!

MadeOfStarDust · 17/11/2013 08:06

AgentZigzag what a great post - I think you have summed it up exactly....

having kids is another phase in your life (if you want to have kids) and they will get there too - if they want to have kids, so if you value them as friends still you just need to wait for them to "catch up" .....

Tweasels · 17/11/2013 08:06

Get out the wrong side of bed this morning stoppitySTOP

annieorangutan · 17/11/2013 08:07

I have been a mum for a good few years, and was probably younger than you. I have been there for my friends being sick in bushes, crying over men the lot and they have been there to help with my children, talk with and have a laugh. They have been there for me through everything.

It sounds nothing to do with you being a mum, it just sounds like either you or they are not true friends

D011Y · 17/11/2013 08:09

No. Agentzigzag is assuming that what she wants is what everyone wants. How patronising and ridiculous to assume that everyone is looking for what the OP has got.

annieorangutan · 17/11/2013 08:11

There is nothing more annoying than the Im a mum now crowd. You will miss out on all the trips and weekends away with your friends with that attitude.

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 08:12

I think zigxag was just being nice?i doubt that that post was designed to cause offence in the slightest.

BuzzardBird · 17/11/2013 08:12

I loved Agents post but Stop's made me laugh...you miserable soul

juneau · 17/11/2013 08:15

That sounds like a horrible night out at any stage of life! If your DM offers to babysit again I'd either find some different people to go out with or curl up with that box set. TBH, I'd rather be a boring bastard than a drunk, vomiting, emotional mess.

peggyundercrackers · 17/11/2013 08:20

your boring now but its nothing to do with having children.

Joysmum · 17/11/2013 08:20

Sounds like a normal thing to me. I'm a very different person to what I was as a teenager.

Hubby and I were together for 7 years before we had our daughter, we've been together 19 years now. We've only ever been out to the pub for a drink twice. We've been numerous times for a meal, but never just for a drink but I was always out boozing with my friends before.

As time passes, people change and I do think that binge drinking is more the preserve of people who aren't settled in their life, and by settled I mean more fulfilled in their own skin. I think that way because it was true for me. It might not be true for others but then I've seen relationships split when one partner sees going out on the piss as normal and the partner doesn't. I loved my single life but wants and needs change.

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 08:24

I love how if you dont want to get steaming and not be in control you are boring.I dont think nights out define if you are an interesting person or not.Some of my friends who are the bubbliest fun people i know dont ever drink.

annieorangutan · 17/11/2013 08:25

Its not just drinking though surely your friends are people who have been there through everything, they help you through thick and thin etc. Regardless if they got too drunk on a night I wouldnt be ditching them even if I had 6 children.

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