To think I have grown out of my friends?

[DeepFeet]

I must admit I am the first of my twenty-something circle to have dc. We have all kept in contact since school/college.and see each other as regularly as we can.

My DM kindly agreed to watch 18 mo dd tonight so thought I would join my friends on a night out.
First night out for a long long time I must admit but assumed we would be going for dinner, maybe a few cocktails afterwards.

I got out and couldnt believe how drunk my friends were! Vomiting in every corner, abusing bouncers because they wouldnt let them in because they were too drunk. Crying over nothing.

AIBU to wish I had stayed home in my pjs with a boxset and x factor? Or am I just a boring bastard now because I have children? Surely this is not anybodys idea of fun

[SinisterSal]

Op has a toddler.
She probably has enough of puking, of tantrums at being told no, and mystery wailing . She gets enough of that all week without seeking it on her saturday night out too.

[UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps]

This sounds like an awful night out and I don't have children.

[ethelb]

DP and I don't have children (due to finances and job security more than anything) and feel quite strongly that we are outgrowing them.

The inability to make plans and stick to them is a particular bug bear.

TBF few of our nights out end up like yours did though! Did your friends always party so hard?

[ethelb]

them=friends

[Littleen]

Your friends sounds a little immature perhaps, so I'm not surprised. I have no kids, nor do most of my friends, but that just sounds like behaviour of 17 year olds anyway! Find some normal, sensible ones instead :)

[gnittinggnome]

Can you meet them for a meal and then scarper before it starts to get messy? If they choose to get wrecked it's up to them, but I know I'd be saying "the babysitter's got to go at 9" and have a nice time before they get trashed. Would that work?

[Sunflower49]

I still love going out and getting drunk.
BUT , to the stage where I'm throwing up and crying?!
No. I can only ever remember doing that a few times as a teen and I soon grew out of it.
However don't cut off your friends. You have history and the fact that they like something you don't like doesn't mean you can't still like one another.
Next time you see them, arrange what you're doing yourself?Restaurant and win instead of clubbing it perhaps?

[Vikki88]

Having DC does change things without a doubt, for a number of years there became a sort of unofficial split in my friends - those of us that had DC and those that didn't. It wasn't intentional, it was just natural and there definitely wasn't any bad feeling - just some of us now thought taking our DC to parks together in the afternoon was preferable to an expensive night getting hammered in town!

Now that most my friends have DC that split has naturally gone away, whoever said you're just no in-sync with them at the moment was right. All it means now is that when we do get the chance for a night out together we appreciate it a lot more than we used to!

[squoosh]

I presume your friends were like this before you had your child, even though you claim not to remember! I don't get how you're now shocked at something I'm assuming you yourself previously participated in.

If in the past you've ever joined them in their pukey-sob fest I do think you're being a bit po faced to act so shocked at such behaviour just because you're now a mother.

None of my friends have ever been wailing bouncer botherers, pre or post motherhood.

[raisah]

That's a shame but as someone said earlier you cant replace a long history like that. You can suggest a compromise for next time where you all go for a meal and then for drinks after. That way both groups get what they want in the same night. Christmas is coming up so a good time to suggest another night out. How about an activity like bowling/ film followed by meal/drinks, give them another chance before making any rash decisions.

[AgentZigzag]

Arf at making Stoppity puke with my nauseating smugness

I acknowledge that what I wrote does look vomit inducing written down and not something I'd say in RL, but it sums up what I think without a long drawn out post.

I gave up the totally-out-of-your-head drinking about 5 years before I had DC when I was in my mid 20's, but I realise now that I was looking for something, and although I didn't know it at the time the DC/DH turned out to be it.

People don't go out on the lash for no reason, chucking up in corners isn't having a good time, but having children is the best thing that has ever happened to me - especially as I can stare adoringly into their eyes at will

[annieorangutan]

Thats probably more to do with your age then zigzag as you were quite old when you married and had kids.

[JustKate]

My friends and I used to party as hard as we could in our early twenties. When I hit mid-twenties (before DCs) it suddenly didn't appeal anymore. Some of my friends still wanted to party hard, a couple of others were more up for the quiet life. We discussed it a few times over drinks and came to a compromise:

We met up once a week for a nice, quiet drink in a pub. This went on for years and whilst we didn't always make it due to DCs (when they arrived), work commitments etc. it was nice to know the option was there and that we could still get to see each other. We also had brunch dates once every couple of months.

The rest of the time those who wanted to go out and get shitfaced could happily do so and the quieter ones amongst us could stay at home with our box sets and chocolate cakes and not worry about offending anyone or losing friends. We'd make exceptions for example for someone's birthday, if one of our friends wanted to go to a club for her birthday we'd go along, but in general we'd do our own thing most of the time but meet for quiet drinks/late lunches to catch up.

We're all older now and none of us are particularly party animals anymore. We don't see each other so often due to family commitments etc. but I'm really glad we kept in contact and worked out a way of seeing each other.

Maybe talk to your friends about it? Explain that you don't always want to go out and get wasted, but you do want to see them? Unless you don't of course, in which case curl up with your boxset and enjoy ;)

[AgentZigzag]

Possibly annie, but I wasn't decrepit when I grew out of the binging stage.

I haven't claimed to be speaking for anyone else though, the OP got what I was trying to say and didn't throw up at my revoltingly sentimental posts, so a couple of casualites along the way isn't too bad going.

(Is 29 'quite old' to get married/have DC? Nowt I could have done about DD2, we'd given up hope of having another after MCing 2)

[annieorangutan]

Im that age and been married nearly 10 years so did all the crazy partying as a married woman. It is probably just because you are older than you slowed down.

[wingsofgildedsilver]

doesn't have the same appeal when you know what it's like when you and your newborn are staring into each others eyes.


Things like this make me vomit in my mouth. Its all very much holier than thou.

News flash you are not superior because you have a child.

If people want to go out and drink then let them.

I really don't understand I still go out with my friends and have a few drinks and a good time without getting shitfaced. I'd rather look back on life and think I had good times with my friends whilst still being a good mum.

Not bored out of my mind sat on the sofa every Saturday night watching X Factor watching life pass me by.

[tickingboxes]

YABU

If I got that drunk now, due to where I live, I wouldn't be able to get home. It was different as a student when I was 10 mins walk from town.

Plus these days I get far worse hangovers.

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

This happened to me, my friend lives abroad and I visit now and then. She is 9 years older than me (I am 34) and her and friends behaved in the same way, it was awful as they looked sad and desperate. I now will only visit if I go with my DH and I cannot bear the thought of going on nights out with them like that.

I love a drink and a laugh but that is OTT.

[wingsofgildedsilver]

They're still looking for something, and you've found it.

There are no words.



Must be very high up there on your horse. Would you like a tissue for that nosebleed?

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

BTW nothing wrong with getting drunk etc, it is the crying and puking that is vile and immature. Also 45 YO women dancing on tables and twerking is grim! I still go out and have fun but this sounds extreme.

[AgentZigzag]

Do you need a sip of water after that wings?

No high horse here, but I am a better person than I used to be when I was going out on the lash all the time.

Where have I said anyone should stop going out?

It's nice you think I have that much power on an anonymous internet forum, but I've been talking about myself, if you feel defensive and angry because of anything I've said then that's for you to work through.

There really is no need to explain yourself though.

[ImATotJeSuisUneTot]

'Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.'

Be that drinking, socialising, cooking a meal, having a takeaway or watching x-factor. It doesnt make you boring, it makes you different.

OP, right now you are just different to your friends - not better, worse, or more grown up. If its a friendship you truly value, don't turn your back on it.

[wingsofgildedsilver]

Defensive? Don't think so.

The latter point I made was in regards to the OP. It's not all about you dear.

Out on the lash? Eww. Cringe. Of course you don't want people to stop going out otherwise you wouldn't have your superiority anymore.

[AgentZigzag]

'It's not all about you dear.'

Hahahaha No, suppose not.

Yes, out on the lash, I really have touched a nerve haven't I?

Ah well.