Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think I have grown out of my friends?

103 replies

DeepFeet · 17/11/2013 02:27

I must admit I am the first of my twenty-something circle to have dc. We have all kept in contact since school/college.and see each other as regularly as we can.

My DM kindly agreed to watch 18 mo dd tonight so thought I would join my friends on a night out.
First night out for a long long time I must admit but assumed we would be going for dinner, maybe a few cocktails afterwards.

I got out and couldnt believe how drunk my friends were! Vomiting in every corner, abusing bouncers because they wouldnt let them in because they were too drunk. Crying over nothing.

AIBU to wish I had stayed home in my pjs with a boxset and x factor? Or am I just a boring bastard now because I have children? Surely this is not anybodys idea of fun

OP posts:

TempusFuckit · 17/11/2013 08:27

I'm with Stoppity - I don't think you are being as quite smug as she thinks you are, but maybe a little (and I completely agree with the finding something you already have line - really?)

That night does sound pretty wild, and I wouldn't want to do it now, but while I don't envy the puking, I do envy the energy and party spirit.

Motherhood can be a huge time for reassessing priorities, but have a quick look at the AIBU board for proof it doesn't automatically confer wisdom and maturity.

OP, you haven't "grown out" of your friends. You have taken a different path right now. Soon, they'll take it too and you will have loads in common again. Don't give up that shared history, find other ways of keeping in touch, and for god's sake don't tell them you think you've outgrown them, they'll hate you for that.

hardboiledpossum · 17/11/2013 08:28

I have felt similar at times. I am also in my 20s and the first our of my friends to have a child. but I forced myself to occasionally go clubbing all night because they have been great friends and it would be rude not to show an interest in their lives just because I had a baby.

eltsihT · 17/11/2013 08:29

M and dh were the first in our group of uni friend to have kids,

I found I drifted away from my friends, as I had child are problems. And different priorities etc.

3 years on I am on Ds2 and they are just starting to have kids that we are all getting on much better again.

saintmerryweather · 17/11/2013 08:30

stoppity has got it right...not everyone is looking gor what the op has got and to suggest her friends are jealous is ridiculous

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 08:31

Oh no id never dump my friends,they want kids too its just not the right time for them.At least you will be understanding for them when they have children and they might feel the same.

roughtyping · 17/11/2013 08:31

I think all of my friends have 'slowed down' a little TBH from when we were 18. Not many of my friends would consider that a good night out... Parents or not!

annieorangutan · 17/11/2013 08:34

As I said I have children but I dont really get that attitude. Most mums and dads are still going on abroad breaks, uk breaks, nights away etc with their old friends from pre kids. You dont give up your friends or even have a break from them just because you have a child imo.

hardboiledpossum · 17/11/2013 08:38

if you Start declining invitations now, you might find that soon enough you stop receiving any. I have read enough threads on these boards from lonely people who drifted away from their friends once they became mothers, to make me remember to value my friendships.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 17/11/2013 08:40

Yes because vomiting in pubs and arguing with bouncers makes a night out.

Why does not getting shit faced make you boring?

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/11/2013 08:42

Agree with everything you said agentzigzag

SantiagoToots · 17/11/2013 08:45

I'm with joysmum in that when I felt fulfilled within myself - I had no urge to live every night in a blaze of glory.

The difference is - I ditched my friends 5 years BEFORE I had kids and they were older than me WITH kids. I think I'd just grown out of it - and there is ITV footage which shows me partying with the best of them.

Charotte31 · 17/11/2013 08:54

Well said stop!! I have a DC and I still go out and get drunk every now and then. Nothing wrong with letting your hair down for a night. I love my friends!

KoalaFace · 17/11/2013 08:55

Loads of people decide to start skipping nights out with friends when they stop finding the vomiting and crying thing fun. Doesn't have to be anything to do with having a baby.

I'm in my late twenties and none of my friends would enjoy a night out like you described. And I'm the only one with DC.

If I was you I'd still see my friends for dinner and lunch out, shopping, meeting for coffees, even in bars for cocktails or something but skip the big night outs.

akachan · 17/11/2013 08:59

I think the child thing is a bit of a red herring.

I don't have a newborn to stare down (what a poor unfulfilled non woman I am!) but I wouldn't fancy going out and throwing up at a table in a bar.

The not remembering if it was like that before has to be bullshit surely. You're telling me you don't remember whether you used to throw up and fight bouncers? Sounds like you might have been the worst of the lot if you can't recall!

akachan · 17/11/2013 09:00

Sorry cross post with Koala - I mean was she said!

Southeastdweller · 17/11/2013 09:02

What a crap night and I'm sure there's many single folk like me for whom going out drinking with your friends sounds like a night in hell.

I don't get at all why some posters are saying you're smug and I'm shocked at the weirdly harsh reply from stoppity. You're not smug. You're also not boring. Just someone with a different idea of what a good night out is compared to your friends.

D011Y · 17/11/2013 09:03

Akachan
Staring down newborns. Snort.

Joysmum · 17/11/2013 09:07

Exactly. I don't think it's the having kids thing that changes what you see as a good night out.

Mind you, having kids has changed out taste in films but that's another thread entirely

wordfactory · 17/11/2013 09:08

OP I think it's fine that you don't want nights out like that any more. Why you ever wanted them is a good question, but hey ho!

However, I think it's a mistake to assume it's all about becoming a mother. That this now makes you whole in some way whilst others are defective.

fortyplus · 17/11/2013 09:15

I'll start by saying I'm old enough to be your mum...

I bet most of us have gone out partying and ended up vomiting at some stage in our lives. Maybe behaved unreasonably or ended up in tears. The difference is that if that's what happens on every night out it's just tedious. I was out in St Albans a couple of weeks ago pretending to be young again and just rolled my eyes at the number of girls tottering about totally pissed, tripping into the gutter, having 'face off' arguments etc. I'm sure they thought they were being terribly interesting but they just looked pathetic.

If they carry on with it they're setting themselves up for problems in later life - I know 5 people who have died directly from the effects of alcohol and maybe more where it's been a contributory factor.

OopsUpsideYourHead · 17/11/2013 09:24

There is absolutely nothing interesting about a person puking in a corner who is so drunk they can't string a sentance together! If you find that interesting I reckon you should examine why. There is a whole wide world out there full of fascinating things to see/do/learn about, why on earth would holding someone's hair back whilst they vomited be interesting ?

D011Y · 17/11/2013 09:29

Who said it was oops?

LimitedEditionLady · 17/11/2013 10:11

I think oops is linking to soneone saying op is boring.out of interest how many fathers have stopped doing this due to fatherhood?my oh loves to be drunk yet i dont.He saud he wouldnt drink like that when he became a dad but he does.

Mumof3xx · 17/11/2013 10:15

I outgrew some of my friends when I had children, even though they had children too! Mainly because I decided to grow up and they still wanted to live like they were 18.

Joysmum · 17/11/2013 10:18

Of course, dropping your friends thanks to them having a different idea as to what constitutes a good night out turns you back on all the other things that make you friends, not good at all.

However, I've not made a conscious decision to drop anybody but inevitably friendships drug about on the tide.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5