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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:05

They have warned about having to make redundancies at work lately and now he has a mark on his record ...

Perhaps he should try not to be agressive whilst driving then.

firesidechat · 16/11/2013 16:07

I wouldn't screech to a halt to let someone out from a minor road, that would be silly.

But it sounds like she'd slowed right down behind someone turning left, then rather than immediately speed up again, the woman let someone out first. TBH I do stuff like that all the time! It's a second of time lost, and might make someone else's journey a lot easier. It's a lot nicer being on the roads when you feel that everyone else is looking out for each other, rather than some horrible rat race.

What WannabeFayeMouse said.

I live on the crossroads of a major road and drivers do this all the time to let others out of the side roads and out of my drive too. It's called common courtesy, isn't dangerous and only minutely inconveniences anyone.

OP, I'm afraid that I think your husband was bu.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:07

I bet that in less than 30 seconds, your DH had caught up any lost time.

complexnumber · 16/11/2013 16:07

I'm with the OP here.

You should not give way to drivers coming onto a main road from a minor, they should wait for a break in the traffic.

He shouldn't have beeped, but the driver ahead was technically in the wrong (imo)

I don't think he deserves all the 'arse' comments.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/11/2013 16:08

He deserved to get a mark on his work record. He broke the Highway Code by misusing his car horn. The other driver was being considerate, and probably only held up the traffic for a moment or two. Unless your husband was on some sort of life-or-death mission, that won't have caused him any problems at all.

Care to share with us what errand he was on that was so all-fired important that he couldn't be patient for a moment or two?

Wuldric · 16/11/2013 16:08

OP, put me out of my misery. The van is white, isn't it?

Pancakeflipper · 16/11/2013 16:08

So he beeped the car in front because she had slowed down.

But she has to slow down to let the car in front of her turn off at a junction. So does it really matter that as she was already slow, to allow another car in?

Did it make him 15seconds late for work?

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 16:08

wings I really hope there are no ramifications for your husband.

It's nearly Christmas ffs,we're all bloody skint,and someone would have to do something pretty dreadful for me to report them to their superiors.

I don't think this qualifies.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2013 16:08

Turning right. The main road is an extremely long straight road so easy to see traffic coming from both sides. It's a busy, straight road with no traffic lights for quite a few miles.

Even with your Husband's van in the way?

You don't think she might have been looking for a motorcyclist, or anything else being obscured by the traffic?

Either way, she needed to trust her own judgement and not the judgement of a stranger...and a twattish impatient stranger at that.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/11/2013 16:08

I'd be furious with him, especially bearing in mind the redundancy situation.

guinnessgirl · 16/11/2013 16:09

oh OP. I almost feel sorry for you. You explained it perfectly adequately - fact is, your husband was BVU! Seriously, how can you not see that?!

hettienne · 16/11/2013 16:10

I wonder if his version of events (just beeping and "shaking his head") is the same as the woman's if it was serious enough for her to complain to his company AND for the company to give him a warning about it...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/11/2013 16:10

I will let people out in a similar situation because, looking at things as a whole, it keeps the traffic flowing better, because cars are not stuck in side roads, waiting for ages to get out onto the main road.

JoanHunterDunne · 16/11/2013 16:10

Your husband was being a bit of an arse, but the woman was a petty twat to report him for something so trivial.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2013 16:11

You should not give way to drivers coming onto a main road from a minor, they should wait for a break in the traffic.

I live in London and there would be a very real chance of your child growing out of its car seat, by the time you found a break in rush hour traffic.

This is why polite people who have to slow down anyway, let the odd car out onto the road.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 16/11/2013 16:11

I think I would have let the car out too, if I was already slowed down/stopped behind another car.

That's just what you do, isn't it?

I don't get why he was so worked up about it that he was beeping at someone and shaking his head at them.

I think she was well within her rights to complain to the company about his attempt to intimidate her.

ICameOnTheJitney · 16/11/2013 16:11

People ALWAYS stop on a major road near us so minor road traffic can join...they'd never get on otherwise!

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:11

and don;t we all have a sneaking suspicion that you haven't been told the whole story about his gestures and actions? Its not impossible that he only beeped and shook his head but I know I have only been tempted to ring someones company when they have been a great deal arsier than that.

I'd take what he's told you with a pinch of salt.

Particularly if the company has noted it on his record - I'm guessing it was either worse than you've said or that he has admitted exactly what he did and the company feels it doesn;t reflect well on them. In which case your DH would do better to reflect on how he behaves when in company vans than whine about people who call him on his behaviour.

Chivetalking · 16/11/2013 16:11

You should not give way to drivers coming onto a main road from a minor, they should wait for a break in the traffic.

They'd be waiting until the final trump sounded round here. If there's a natural slowing in traffic flow I can't see why a few seconds more to ease someone else's path is that much to ask.

I've no doubt people have even done it for OP's husband at one point or another...

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:13

From the highway code

112
The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively. You MUST NOT use your horn

while stationary on the road
when driving in a built-up area between the hours of 11.30 pm and 7.00 am
except when another road user poses a danger.

147
Be considerate. Be careful of and considerate towards all types of road users, especially those requiring extra care (see Rule 204). You should

try to be understanding if other road users cause problems; they may be inexperienced or not know the area well

151
In slow-moving traffic. You should

...
allow access into and from side roads, as blocking these will add to congestion

UnacceptableWidge · 16/11/2013 16:13

Your DH will hopefully think twice now that he has a mark on his record.

I don't think the woman driver was BU in the slightest to report him to his bosses.

I wish all cars were identified with contact details in order to report the arseholes who beep, rev engines, flash lights and generally behave in an intimidating manner because somebody else dares to add a few seconds to their oh so much more important than anyone elses journey!

jerryfudd · 16/11/2013 16:13

It was maybe harsh of her to report but maybe if more people did these bad drivers would think twice about thinking they are king of the road.

Grennie · 16/11/2013 16:14

I learned to drive 3 years ago. Both my driving instructor and the examiner would have expected me to let someone out in this situation, in the busy City I live in. People are nowdays taught to drive courtesly. Although I know many pass and then ignore this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/11/2013 16:14

"I wonder if his version of events (just beeping and "shaking his head") is the same as the woman's if it was serious enough for her to complain to his company AND for the company to give him a warning about it..."

Hettienne makes a very good point - I doubt he is going to have gone home and told his wife that he behaved in an aggressive and intimidating manner towards another road user! So it was probably worse, maybe a lot worse than he has told you, wingsofgildedsilver - sorry.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/11/2013 16:15

OP, can your husband confirm that he has never ever been let out of a side road in all of his driving experience?