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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
miggy · 16/11/2013 16:00

If she had just randomly stopped to let someone out then of course that would be daft but given that you already said she had slowed down to let car in front turn left, of course its perfectly reasonable to let the car out from the minor road. I do this all the time and am very grateful when others do it for me.Its not her fault if the other driver was a bit hesitant, having comitted to that course of action the woman could hardly just plough into her!
Too many people get behind the wheel and drive like utter ignorant arses, I particularly dislike the idiots who come up your backside and flash lights/make rude gestures if you happen to be sticking to a speed limit in a resedential area.
Good on her for reporting him, might make him think about driving in a less aggresssive fashion in future.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:00

It's not the done thing to STOP on the MAJOR route

She didn't STOP. She slowed down when the car in front slowed to turn off and let the car out before continuing. Note that this was in the morning traffic, it was unlikely to be travelling fast, no one was ever going to get out of the side road without someone letting them and whilst MAJOR I doubt it was the bloody M25.

She was being considerate, the van driver was being an arse.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/11/2013 16:00

Were you in the car with him or are you simply relaying what he told you, OP?

MurderOfGoths · 16/11/2013 16:00

Nope, your DH still the unreasonable one.

VerySmallSqueak · 16/11/2013 16:00

Your DH was clearly wrong OP.

But it was hardly the end of the world and I would think very carefully about ringing and reporting someone to their work for something like this.
We all have bad days and react wrongly at times.I know I do,since I am not perfect.So,for me,if I was the woman in the car,I would have inwardly been annoyed but let it go.

I hope your DH can perhaps perform a few small acts of kindness in the coming weeks to redress the balance.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/11/2013 16:01

The car pulling out was hesitant, so my husband beeped her for holding up traffic

To achieve what, exactly?

itscockyfoxagain · 16/11/2013 16:01

It doesn't matter how many times you restate what hapoens your DH was unreasonable. You do not beep your horn to hurry someone, or to tell then you are holding up up traffic.
You beep your horn to make someone aware of your presence when coming round a blind bend or over a humped bridge on a single track road for for example.

Original poster
wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 16:01

I should have said I don't think what he was "in the right"

I just think reporting him was unreasonable.

They have warned about having to make redundancies at work lately and now he has a mark on his record ...

OP posts:
Chivetalking · 16/11/2013 16:02

So who was he shaking his head at in the mirror and why? Confused

bzoo · 16/11/2013 16:02

Was the car turning out the minor road going left or right. I would not emerge from a junction and turn right if a car slowed for me if the was an obstruction stopping me seeing to the left (the carriageway I was joining) on the say so of another driver. I've seen crashes happen from that circumstance

Original poster
wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 16:02

It doesn't matter how many times you restate what hapoens your DH was unreasonable

It is necessary because some people are assuming he was driving too close or that she suddenly stopped, or that she was hesitant - neither of these are right.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 16/11/2013 16:03

OP you explained it just fine the first time round, but he was still being a tit and the driver in front of him was well within her rights to complain about him.

MurderOfGoths · 16/11/2013 16:03

Maybe he should think about not being aggressive when driving in the company vehicle. Then he wouldn't have a mark on his record.

Dominodonkey · 16/11/2013 16:03

Your husband was in the wrong but I think reporting him was a little OTT and in that respect he was a little unlucky.
Drivers like him can cause accidents though by encouraging people to take unnecessary risks.

Those who are being all holier than thou about use of the horn are probably being a bit disingenuous. The vast majority of people have used their horn to summon someone from a house or to show displeasure at another driver's behaviour (e.g someone pulling out in front of them) at some point.

BumPotato · 16/11/2013 16:03

I stopped to let a pedestrian, who was already halfway across the road, finish crossing safely. For my troubles the taxi driver who was behind, wound down his window and shouted "fucking idiot" at me as he pulled up alongside at the lights. I got his Hackney plate number, I didn't report him in the end, but some people are in completely the wrong job if they drive for a living and can't do so patiently.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/11/2013 16:03

I really hope he drives more considerately then, for the sake of his future employment and all other road users.

ilovesooty · 16/11/2013 16:03

They have warned about having to make redundancies at work lately and now he has a mark on his record

Well he should have thought before behaving like a twat then.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 16/11/2013 16:03

He may have been arsey for tooting and shaking his head at her but I'm not sure I'd have gone to the trouble of phoning up his company and reporting him on that basis.

chemenger · 16/11/2013 16:03

OP, don't worry, you explained the situation very clearly, everyone understands it and pretty much everyone agrees who was in the wrong. You asked and you have your answer.

harticus · 16/11/2013 16:04

Not getting this at all are you OP.

It is not his place to reprimand people with his horn.
It is not his place to shake his head at people.
He is representing a firm and should behave in a professional manner.
He didn't - he behaved like a bullying dickhead van driver.
Glad he got reported - hopefully he won't do it again.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2013 16:04

They have warned about having to make redundancies at work lately and now he has a mark on his record

If this is a one off. If he's a good worker and an all round nice guy, no company will make him redundant for beeping his horn like a twat.

Does he have other reasons to be concerned?

SoupDragon · 16/11/2013 16:04

I can't actually find the rule about not letting people out. What number is it?

Justforlaughs · 16/11/2013 16:04

OP I would have thought, that being made aware of possible redundancies he would have been more careful - hopefully he will be in the future.

Original poster
wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 16:05

Was the car turning out the minor road going left or right

Turning right. The main road is an extremely long straight road so easy to see traffic coming from both sides. It's a busy, straight road with no traffic lights for quite a few miles.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 16:05

She has already slowed down so she decided there was no harm letting someone who might have been having problems pulling onto the main road, pull out (gien that she had slowed down anyway).

You DH decided this was so unacceptable that he hooted his horn and quite visibly shook his head at her.

Car horns (as many have said) are not supposed to be there to express your annoyance at someone actions - they are for safety reasons eg when someone might not have seen you.

You can repeat the scenario all you like, it doesn't make your DH sound like any less of an irritating arse.