was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

[wingsofgildedsilver]

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

You'd have to ask him diddl I suppose.

Who knows?

I will sometimes show my frustration in a gesture.Just because it makes me feel better.

If I'm frustrated with the kids not tidying up I will sometimes roll my eyes and raise my hands to the heavens.

Yes,I understand that Athel!
But, nevertheless,my comment was directed to the could have-beens.

The people who disagree with the shaking of the head and hooting have a black and white opinion that differs from mine - the debate reaches more of a full stop there with those posters as we fundamentally disagree.

Why did he beep?

Ime no one beeps nowadays unless they've seen their mate walking by on the pavement or are being aggressive.

Very, it's pretty clear that the majority of posts are forming an opinion on the facts, namely that OP's dh hooted and shook his head at another driver simply for being polite, subsequently followed the driver for 25 minutes and she reported to his company that she felt intimidated. Hooting was both illegal and unnecessary, and shaking his head was patronising, big headed, judgmental and wrong - you don't get to tell someone off about their driving when they are just being careful and good-mannered. Overall he made much too big a deal out of a few seconds' delay to his journey, and was offensive with it. None of that is acceptable for someone whose job is driving and who is representing his employers when he is out in their van.

I was taught while learning to drive that the horn is your 'audible warning of approach' and therefore should only be used to warn other drivers of your presence. So I'm afraid your DH was being an arse, OP, and he deserved to be pulled up for it. If he drives for a living he should know better.

I'm a new-ish driver who could be described as 'hesitant' at times. I'd probably get a bit flustered if someone beeped at me to tell me to hurry up - and that's not going to help anyone get where they're going any faster, is it?

Friends, VerySmallSqueak - and an apology from me for being a bit sensitive.

I think the woman did the right thing. Beeping your horn at someone is an aggressive act. I hate being beeped at because my immediate thought is that there's some danger I haven't noticed, when in fact it's just that some twat is angry because I hesitated three seconds too long at the roundabout.

Also he was really beeping his horn for no reason. She was courteously allowing another driver into the traffic. This is something that people - normal people - do all the time.

If he gets this angry at something minor like that, what is he like when someone cuts him up? Just a guess, but I bet this isn't the first time he's behaved like that.

Yes,I see that nenny.

I happen to disagree though and so I am indulging in debate.

It seems to be quite clear to me that he followed the driver because that was the direction in which he was travelling!

I have nowhere said that his behaviour was perfect.

However I do think sometimes people get a bit carried away and he has been called a cunt,twat,aggressive,arsehole,bully,dick etc etc.Some people also have him down as possibly swearing,gesticulating,aggressively tailgating.

He hooted and shook his head ffs.That's the extent of what we know.

If I am a fool for not wanting someone to possibly lose his job because I have reported him,merely for doing that,then I am a happy fool!

I would see it as a total act of hypocrisy on my part because I too,get frustrated,and sometimes fail to maintain the dead pan expression that seems to be required.

Furthermore I fail to see how an act of intolerance in response to an act of intolerance makes this world the happy-clappy place some people seem to think it would be if they were in charge........

Without a doubt SDT.
Friends

And I also apologize if I caused upset.

I've an'alf taken a bashing on this thread

But is it not the act of an arsehole to hoot someone and shake your head at them for daring to delay you whilst being considerate? And if you do that, should you necessarily assume that the other driver has to suck it up and there must never be any adverse consequences for you?

No it's the act of a human.

Arsehole is just unnecessary really,I think.

No you shouldn't assume that there won't be adverse consequences if you behave in a behaviour that's less than perfect.

Clearly.

Crap english.
Not behave in a behaviour obviously.
But you know what I mean....!

Would it be arsehole-y to beep one's horn at a person ahead of you who hasn't noticed that the traffic ahead of them has moved on, or the lights have changed? I have done that from time to time - and had it done to me, when my mind has wandered, and I didn't take it amiss.

The last time I used my horn was when I was at the front of the queue at some traffic lights - they went green, and I was just starting to move off, as was the driver in the other lane, next to me, when a car hurtled across in front of us, having clearly run the red light at the road on our left. If either of us had been the sort of driver who leaps off as soon as the lights go red and amber, there would have been an accident. Luckily both of us were sensible - unlike the arsehole in the other car who ran the red light, because he didn't want to wait for the lights to go through their sequence and get back to him.

Now the person who ran the red lights was clearly an arsehole.

Of the highest order.

"Would it be arsehole-y to beep one's horn at a person ahead of you who hasn't noticed that the traffic ahead of them has moved on, or the lights have changed?"

I've often thought that there should be another sound you could employ for things like this - one that says "I am not being an arse, I am just letting you know in a friendly way that the lights are now green and you can go". A tinkling bell, perhaps.

No you shouldn't assume that there won't be adverse consequences if you behave in a behaviour that's less than perfect.

There's a difference between behaviour that is less than perfect and behaviour that is rude and bullying.

I like that idea hackmum!

Could there be spoken announcements?

Like;

'Hurry it along please'
'Emergency vehicle approaching'
'oi,YOU! YES! YOU!!'

It'd make the driving experience much more interesting!!!

Rude maybe.
Bullying,I think not,personally.

But there's rude and there's rude.

If I went to pay for something in a shop and the person told me to fuck off that'd be rudeness I would probably complain about.

But If they finished a two sentence chat with their colleague first (which some may see as rudeness) I think I could manage to get over it rather than complain.

It's all about balance imo.

It is definitely a more reasonable approach than the one dh would like to deploy on drivers who annoy him, VSS - the bonnet-mounted Exocet missile! . I have pointed out that using the missile might cause a bit of a mess, that might hold him up even more, but he still thinks it would be appropriate in some cases.

Actually it happens regularly, if you dare as a woman to pull out in front of a man driver, or onto a rabout, even though they are not really close they often beeeeeep as if you had caused them to brake to save lives and accelerate up behind you to prove you pulled out at the wrong time.

The head shake is a passive aggressive action to demean the other driver, an exasperated 'OMG you shouldn't be let loose in a car' comment about her driving.

But, fortunately, we know the type who have the need to display this type of rudeness are twats with small willies, I'm sure OP can confirm.

It would be effective I think though SDT

My DH would like to be The Judge and go round removing people's driving licences from them.

Less direct,let's say, than your DH but both seem to have a touch of the megalomaniac I think....

Just a wee touch, yes, VSS! Allied to the absolute certainty that they are right, and all other drivers are Fools and Nincompoops. Mind you, having watched some drivers round here, I don't think they are entirely mistaken...

He was being a twat.

But I don't let people out of junctions any more after the flash for cash insurance scam.

I was driving to my dad's once with DS1, then about 3, in the back when someone carried out some kind of dangerous-looking manoeuvre and I commented in exasperated tones, "oh, what does he think he's playing at?". A dear little voice from the back of the car piped up, "That is because they are all arse holes".

I had a bit of a firm word about appropriate language to then-H when we got home...