Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 17/11/2013 01:22

He was being intimidating. He deserved to be reported, and I wish more people would do as it might stop people acting the your dh did!

ravenAK · 17/11/2013 02:20

Hmmm.

A quick one off beep? Shook his head?

Well, I wouldn't bother to report someone for that, although the roads would be a nicer place if some drivers didn't go in for mardy & inappropriate beeping & head shaking.

Is it possible that there may also have been swearing & gesticulation, & possibly a smidgen of aggressive tailgating?

AchyFox · 17/11/2013 02:22

But is this what she's really reported ?

Perhaps he's downplaying the seriousness of the allegations ?

"Your driver beeped and shook his head a bit", not really worth the phone call is it ?

HoleyGhost · 17/11/2013 03:39

Has your DH explained why perchance the woman felt intimidated by him driving behind her for the remainder of the journey? I can imagine why.

Yep, it makes sense now. Does he always behave like that?

holidaysarenice · 17/11/2013 03:54

Whilst ur dh may have been a prat. She was actually acting illegally. The police can ticket you if you slow down on a main road to allow a side road person out, esp if you flash them or the cars behind u have to wait.

mathanxiety · 17/11/2013 04:22

I'm not sure I explained it well
Wings, the problem is not that you are not explaining it very well.

mathanxiety · 17/11/2013 04:24

You would need to be driving pretty close behind someone for them to note your reg. I would suspect something in those 25 minutes of following behind her confirmed in her mind the inclination to report.

nennypops · 17/11/2013 09:24

Whilst ur dh may have been a prat. She was actually acting illegally. The police can ticket you if you slow down on a main road to allow a side road person out, esp if you flash them or the cars behind u have to wait.

Absolutely not. Haven't you read the post? She slowed down because the car in front of her was turning left, she waited a few seconds more to let another car out. On a busy road in morning traffic there is no way in a million years the police would object.

I think what would make me see red in this case would be the headshaking: it's redolent of a patronising, judgmental attitude, and completely over the top when the worst that has happened is a very minor delay in his overall journey.

But that last message from OP is a bit of dripfeeding which throws more light on this. The woman who complained felt intimidated when OP's husband continued driving behind her for 25 minutes. You can bet she wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of noting down the company details and complaining if he'd been driving considerately and cautiously throughout that period.

Thatisall · 17/11/2013 09:29

Haven't read all the comments, what did your dh beep his horn for? Does he often shake his head at those showing courtesy in the road?

harticus · 17/11/2013 09:32

I wonder how different the responses would be if the car driver had been a man.

There is more than a whiff of "silly crap woman driver overreacting" in some posts on here.

If a bloke had reported van man for being intimidating and aggressive people would never dare to suggest he was being OTT.

comingintomyown · 17/11/2013 09:43

Cant really get worked up about someone beeping and shaking their heads at another driver over the described scenario , what a fuss about very little.

Driving around London I would have to set aside a good deal of time to report non highway code driving practices I encounter

OP your DH needs to remember when he is driving for work in a logoed vehicle that he is on show and as such needs to watch his behaviour as I am sure he will now. I wouldnt worry too much about a mark on his record.

honestpointofview · 17/11/2013 09:54

Harticus the vast majority of posts have said that that the man was wrong and the women was right to report him.

Booboostoo · 17/11/2013 10:04

Your husband was impatient, rude and misusing the horn. Is this a reverse AIBU? I can't see the point to it otherwise.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/11/2013 11:17

I mentioned this thread to dh this morning - and his view is that the chap deserved to be reported, both for the incident, and for the sheer stupidity of acting that way whilst driving a van with a company logo on it that made him easily traceable!

The fact that he followed her for another 25 minutes is relevant too, I think. Maybe he tailgated her - we won't know, unless he owns up to his wife. But maybe the simple fact that he was behind her for that length of time, made her feel intimidated, even if that was in no way his intention.

It might explain why she reported him for an incident which, on the face of it, does not sound very major - beeping his horn and a shake of the head. If she felt it was compounded by him following her to intimidate her, that might well make her feel it was worth reporting him.

Tbh, if I think a driver is driving badly in front of me, I will go past them as soon as it is safe to do so, as I would rather have them behind me than in front of me - given that the road had two lanes (if I have read the OP's posts correctly), I am surprised that he did not do so too. But maybe no-one was polite enough to let him out into the other lane....

candycoatedwaterdrops · 17/11/2013 11:35

Have we established whether the van was white or not yet?

pinkyredrose · 17/11/2013 11:53

Your DH sounds like an aggressive arsehole. I bet he parks like a cunt too.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/11/2013 12:10

If I had a car front turning and I had to stop and there was a car waiting I would let them out.

I suspect that there is much more to the OP's DH's actions than just sounding a horn and shaking his head.

FryOneFatManic · 17/11/2013 12:27

To be honest I feel there may be more to the incident than the OP's DH has told her.

He sounds like he's BVU just on the description, but for someone to go to the trouble of reporting a driver to the company, there has to be more.

I once reported a van driver (yes, it was white). I was driving througha village on an A road at 7:30am. The main road has a mandatory 20mph speed limit past a school, just a very short distance overall. I always find it a struggle to slow down at that point, and the road characteristics make it harder. But this van driver decided to speed up and overtake me, very fast, in this zone. So I called his company.

That 20 limit is there because there have been numerous accidents and incidents involving cars and pupils at the school, so I had no hesitation in reporting him.

It's the only time I've felt strongly enough to go to the trouble. So I wonder if there's more to the incident the OP's DH was in to warrant the lady also going to the trouble.

VerySmallSqueak · 17/11/2013 13:04

There is still a assumption that the woman was the reasonable one,and the suspicion that he must have done more to warrant her phoning the company.

Why oh why can't we believe what we have been told,since that is what we have got,and decide whether the woman was right or wrong to report him based on what we do know?

Otherwise,what's the point of this all?

He could have been shaking his fist at her all the way along behind her.
He could have been nudging her bumper all the way along behind her.
He could have sworn at her and threatened her.

But it's not what we've been told.

She could have taken umbrance at his poor behaviour and decided to report him to the company simply because he pissed her off.And because she could.

Which I happen to think is a bit OTT.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/11/2013 13:20

Actually, VSS, I have said that the fact he followed her might have made her feel intimidated, even if that was NOT his intention - and that might have been what made it into an incident worth reporting, to her.

IE. if she assumed he was tailgating her after the beep and head shake incident, that might have made her feel sufficiently uncomfortable to want to report it - when maybe he just couldn't get out into the other stream of traffic to get past her.

Wuldric · 17/11/2013 13:21

345 posts, now 346, and we still haven't been told whether or not the van is white. This is a vital piece of information in assessing the case.

VerySmallSqueak · 17/11/2013 13:30

SDT I realise you think I was specifically aiming that at you,but I wasn't.I'm really not after anything personal here and don't want you to think that I've got a problem with you,as I really haven't.I did actually appreciate that your wording was quite non accusatory.We've disagreed on this,and I thought moved on.Well,I hope we can agree to disagree in this particular thread? (offers olive branch)

It was a general 'out there' comment made to quite a number of posters.

diddl · 17/11/2013 13:31

So, people who can't get annoyed about the beep and head shake.

That's fine.

But then why did he bother to do it?

To draw attention to the fact that he disagreed with what she was doing?

To let her know that he was annoyed?

To what purpose if so??

AthelstaneTheUnreadyFucker · 17/11/2013 13:33

Very, the thread I have been reading has the vast majority saying he was BU just for the beep and the shake for all the reasons given (distraction, breach of the highway code, patronising, aggressive). NOT because of the could-have-beens.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 17/11/2013 13:34

Wuldric I think its safe to assume that yes, the van is white.

Swipe left for the next trending thread