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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was this woman bu to complain about my husband?

398 replies

wingsofgildedsilver · 16/11/2013 15:29

My husband drives a van for work. Driving to work in the morning traffic and the car in front of him slowed down as the car in front of her was turning off left, the woman then waited to let another car pull out of the junction.

My husband beeped his horn at her and shook his head when she looked in her mirror at him.

When he got into work, later on that day the company had received a complaint about him - the woman had noted his licence plate and company name and sent them an email.

He now has a mark on his employment record.

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 16/11/2013 21:15

Yes, good point. What on earth is a "mark" on his employment record? And is it fair to have such a "mark" (whatever it is) without the evidence required for a formal warning (if it not such a thing), when its effect may be similar in terms of the reputation of the employee?

And I don't see why an employer would do such a thing short of a formal warning, without proper evidence, on the word of one individual, who could well be faking it/having a bad day/making it up.

TheGinLushMinion · 16/11/2013 21:22

Wow, aren't we a bunch of the most patient angelic drivers... Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/11/2013 21:22

Presumably he admitted it when questioned by his bosses (or whoever).

MildDrPepperAddiction · 16/11/2013 21:27

Your husband was being a dick. She was totally right to complain about him. I hope he realises how u his behaviour was and alters it in future.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/11/2013 21:29

Confused the other driver sounds like she has too much time on her hands.

Ignore any twatty behaviour from other drivers but report dangerous driving.

Which TBH, beeping the horn and head shaking if NOT dangerous.
Annoying, yes.
But it merits no more than a "Who died and made you King"?

diddl · 16/11/2013 21:32

Perhaps she felt intimidated?

Would he have done the same if it was a male driver?

SilverApples · 16/11/2013 21:33

It sounds more like his firm that has excessively high standards for their drivers and want them to be shining knights of the road.
Your DH has obviously been categorised as requires improvement, according to the firm's discipline criteria.
So, he has a mark against his name. Do you think it will stop him repeating the behaviour? If so, then the system works.

Lilacroses · 16/11/2013 21:36

Not sure I think he should have a "mark on his record" but I do think he was BU. I've had drivers do this occasionally when I've let someone out.....why?? It takes seconds! I also had someone shake their fist at me when I was going 53 on a 60 limit road. He overtook me and looked over screaming "it's meant to be 60!". Odd!

Shallistopnow · 16/11/2013 21:40

I beep if the car in front is taking too long or letting someone out when its delaying a lad of cars behind. If you're stuck in a slow-moving queue, fine but some people have no road sense.

Likewise if I'm daydeaming when the lights change to green, I'm happy to be beeped at. But I suppose the car behind shouldn't do that as they're stationary?

timidviper · 16/11/2013 21:42

I'm in 2 minds about this one.
Your DH was wrong to behave as he did but, personally, I would only report somebody for dangerous or really twattish behaviour. Regardless of that though, she has reported him so he now has to just learn not to do it again and move on.

intitgrand · 16/11/2013 21:54

Your husband is a dick!

Ilovexmastime · 16/11/2013 22:02

I object to the use of the name dick as a derogatory term!

Wink

Meanwhile, back on this thread, sorry OP but your DH deserved this as far as I'm concerned. It's behaviour such as his that makes driving such a stressful experience for me. Tell him to have some patience for god's sake.

ProphetOfDoom · 16/11/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 16/11/2013 22:05

Wow, aren't we a bunch of the most patient angelic drivers... Hmm

Well no, not all the time.

But when I'm "on duty" I am. I have put up with shit from clients that I wouldn't personally - nothing illegal, racist, sexist etc but certainly I bite my lip that bit harder when doing my job.

SilverApples · 16/11/2013 22:11

'Wow, aren't we a bunch of the most patient angelic drivers...'

Yes, I am. Because as a child I was driven for miles trapped in a car with a man who was rage incarnate most of the time, and an aggressive and jerky driver with fantastic reflexes. So I'm patient and calm and I've never done more than sigh. Or pulled over and let an arse go past to bully someone else.
Why wouldn't I?

nickelbabe · 16/11/2013 22:20

the highway code also says that if a pedestrian is already crossing the road, then a vehicle turnjng into the junctionnhas to give way.
therefore, if a vehicle turns into a left-hand junction. they should proceed as if they expect a pedestrian to be crossing
so, yes, if I were behind a car turning left into a side road, I would expect the car behind to have to slow right down.

marchduck · 16/11/2013 22:49

I've been on the brunt of this type of aggressive driver recently when walking the DCs to school. The street the school is on has quite a narrow pavement, and it was bin day. There was a bin blocking the pavement and we were going to have to step on to the road to get past. I checked the road and there were three oncoming cars, so we stopped at the edge of a driveway to let them come past before walking onto the road. The first two cars went past, but the third then turned on his indicator, so I realised that we were standing at the edge of his driveway. I smiled apologetically, and waited for him to either drive on in, or gesture to me to come on past; but instead he shook his head and rolled his eyes. When I was sure he wasn't moving forward into his drive, I walked the DCs over the driveway and he then bumped the horn for good measure.
I hate confrontation, but he had been so aggressive that I felt I had to say something. I waited at the other side of driveway until he got out of his car, and then politely pointed out to him that the reason that that that the DCs and I had been waiting on the pavement was because his bin was blocking it, and there was no need to be so rude. He just went bright red and scuttled into his house. Not a peep out of him!

PrammyMammy · 16/11/2013 23:01

Your husband was bu. very.

I'd never make it to the school in the morning if someone didn't let me out my minor road. It takes 10 seconds max!

I actually reported a taxi driver for something similar, I slowed down to turn a tight corner one night in the pouring rain and he sounded his horn while driving right up my arse.

There is no need to intimidate other road users. None at all.
Maybe if more companies recorded this sort of thing there would be less crazy drivers on the road.

ProcessYellowC · 16/11/2013 23:23

YABU, I was beeped recently (as a cyclist, waiting at a junction for a car to go past that had right of way, but the idiot behind me clearly couldn't see) and it really shook me up.

If the vehicle behind me had been displaying a company name I'd have reported it too - well actually maybe I wouldn't have, but this thread has been very helpful on the rights and wrongs of using horns - so I will in future!

Balaboosta · 16/11/2013 23:58

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

UnacceptableWidge · 17/11/2013 00:43

I expected there to be a hilarious 'beep' hours ago. Surprised it took so long

MrsS1980 · 17/11/2013 00:55

Your DH was BU to beep but being VVU to beep while in the company van. Just as a school deals severely with pupils who misbehave outside school time but in uniform, drivers in company vans have a duty to behave impeccably.

Original poster
wingsofgildedsilver · 17/11/2013 01:06

I strongly suspect there is far more to this than has been told here. I reckon she allowed the car in the side road to pull out and as it was turning to go in the opposite direction would have sat for a second or two while the other driver checked it was clear to pull out into the other lane. Van driver performing unknown vital lifesaving mission couldn't wait for these few seconds so honked his horn, gesticulated and overtook both cars (the OP says the opposite lane was clear) in an utterly twattish way

There is a logo on the front and side, and in the complaint email she said she felt intimidated as it was a long road which meant he was driving behind her for the 25(ish) minutes after the "incident". So I suppose not too hard to note his registration.

OP posts:
UnacceptableWidge · 17/11/2013 01:11

After having read all the replies wings what do you think?

Was she BU?

Zucker · 17/11/2013 01:16

Has your DH explained why perchance the woman felt intimidated by him driving behind her for the remainder of the journey? I can imagine why.