To expect the school to do something about ds being laughed at for wearing a Hello Kitty onsie?

[lecce]

He is 4 and wore it yesterday for Children in Need. The bloody thing is mainly white, and, for that reason mainly, I had tried to steer him in the direction of others, but he was adamant that was the one he wanted. He already has a plain pink lunchbox and pink Peppa Pig wellies and tells me he has had the odd comment about these being 'for girls', but he insists he doesn't mind. He is very shy but tells me he has told these children, 'Pink isn't just for girls!', though I do find it hard to imagine him saying this to a child he doesn't know well.

This morning he tells me that yesterday a few children laughed at him so he took off the onsie and spent most of the day in pyjamas. He had no dressing gown or slippers, as the onsie had covered feet, and tells me he was cold. He had to put the onsie back on to play out at lunchtime and more children laughed at him then. He has named two children from his class as being the main laughers when he was inside the school. He is 4, ffs. Why can't he wear what he likes? However, he does not really seem upset as such, and he says he didn't tell the teacher what was going on.

I am annoyed because the teachers didn't seem to be aware of what was going on. I know they can't help it if he doesn't tell them, but they should have been aware, imo, if the comments were enough to make him want to take it off. He is very happy with his wellies and lunchbox, so I feel there must have been quite a lot of comments this time. I teach in a secondary school and, of course, sometimes things like this go on without the teacher being aware, but I am sure 4 yr olds are a lot less subtle than teens! Also, I would expect a parent to bring something like this to my attention if I didn't notice it myself.

I am also a bit annoyed, though less so, that they didn't contact dh (they know he is a sahd) to bring in an alternative for him, to save him being cold and having a miserable lunchtime. I just feel that ds has had a bit of a pants day, when it should have been fun and he was so pleased with the onsie, and that I should do something about it.

On a similar topic, ds2 (yr2) tells me he regularly has, what he calls, 'mean comments' about his packed lunches - especially the fruit and Greek yogurt. He is capabale of standing up for himself, but says it's getting 'annoying'. I'm starting to feel this should be addressed too.

Dh thinks I'm being silly, but is starting to come around the more I go on. Tbh, though, I can't rely on him having a quick word with the teacher about this, as he will probably 'forget', so, if we do raise it, it will be me who does so, making it more formal as I will have to make an appointment.

AIBU to think it worth mentioning these issues, and to think that part of the role of primary school is to encourage kindness and tolerance amongst pupils?

Got to say when my normally confident happy boy was dressed in pink coloured clothes by nursery when he had an accident ( no idea why they didn't take clothes from his drawers) it was awful. It happened more than once.

He was teased told he was silly and became miserable.

I had to stress to nursery what was happening and I had to ensure it never happened again.

I is like gender stereotyping but despite trying tomexplain things I found that although he dress up it is only in male gendered clothing now.

IMO OP has set up her child for a miserable time to fight a battle she wants to fight. What sort of parent does that?

Barbarian that is not the same. Wearing the onsie is a short term choice which the small child is making without fully knowing what they are doing, so not being prepared for the consequences. Skin colour and glasses are not choices obviously.

In an ideal world children would never be laughed at, but what I am saying is that setting up a 4 year old to be laughed at in order to make a stand idealistically, is using the 4 year old as a symbol of adult ideals, rather than simply protecting them a bit from entirely avoidable teasing, until they are old enough to make an informed choice about where they want to make a stand.

Yeah because no boy should ever like cartoon cats or pigs -

Ffs just because there are lots of thick people about doesn't mean you have to do what they say. That's the first thing I teach my kids.

Fiscal, you are so right! I always tell dd that she sparkles with beautiful little lights as she is exactly as you describe! She can be mouselike in a group but when people actually speak to her they are always surprised at how quietly confident she is.

chipping never been accused of that before!
But i do firmly believe that the only way to change attitudes is through education, and school is a perfect place to promote diversity.
the onus is not on the 4 year old, but on the adults to take responsibility.
If my child had been teasing others for what they wore, i would hope and expect the school to tell me so that we could talk about it at home, and i say this as a parent whose 4 year old DS wore pink peppa pig wellies to school and got teased for it.

Fiscal maybe, but I've never come across a small child who likes being teased.

YANBU, My DS chooses pink things all the time, although not his favourite colour to the point his grandma told me off for encouraging him. I will not be my sons first bully.

Paleodad the little boy didn't even tell the teacher though, so he or she can hardly tell the parents ... even if you believe the majority would feel as you do.

Faithless how would it have been bullying for a parent to tell her child the onsie would get to dirty/ needed to go in the wash, and encourage him to ear something less bound to get him teased. Setting him up for teasing is closer to bullying than gently steering him away from painting a target on his back at 4 yo.

But MrTumbles (great name!) how is Op imposing anything on her child when he wanted to wear it? Surely she would have been imposing something on him by not letting him wear it!

*too

Faithless 's point is a good one - being a target of ridicule is crap,. why invite it through something you have full control over. The absolute key here is that the child is 4 and not old enough to understand fully the decision he is making, any more than he is old enough to fully think through the consequences of not taking shoes or a coat to school - that is up to his mum ultimately, at 4 - absolutely different once he is.

And what does she do the next time he wants to wear something considered "girly"?

The evidence from this thread would suggest that most don't feel as i do

Mine didn't tell his teacher either, but we had a conversation about it later, where i basically told him to wear what he liked and ignore what anyone said. The sad thing was, it was some girls in his class who told him that pink was a 'girly' colour, and boys shouldn't wear it.

paleodad - of course the way to change attitudes is through education, no one said otherwise. However, teachers are not fecking mind readers so the child has to either stand up for themselves, change their actions or tell an adult. He's 4, he's old enough to understand he will get teased if he wears pink/takes a dummy to school/goes in his pants. He can choose not to do those things or he can choose to stand up for himself or tell an adult. Expecting teachers to hear & see every little thing in a classroom is madness.

Lila thank you :o my answer is because he is 4. We generally limit the decisions we let 4 years make without filtering ourselves, because they are not yet old enough to think the consequences through.

People can be objects of ridicule for pretty much anything! You can't protect your child from it at all times. What you can do is prepare them for what some people are like and say that you support them being themselves. Not letting them do that is lime saying in a subtle way that those making unkind remarks have a right to so that.

so the four year old was expressing himself, by having big hello kitty and peppa pig character logo items?

TV characters are now self expression??

No your child is suckered in in the same way that other kids are suckered in by whats on the telly.

My twelve year old son wanted to wear a fluffy blue feather boa to school because it was soft and it reminded him of a cats tail. He has ASD so i had to talk to him about other peoples reactions to things like that, and how he feels when other people single him out for unwanted attention. Of course they shouldnt, but they WILL. He still didnt get it, so I just said no, to protect him. He can wear it at home.

chipping i don't expect that of the teachers, they have a hard enough job as it is.
And i don't think that choosing to wear pink is the same thing as going to school in your pants. You shouldn't get teased/bullied for choosing one colour over another surely?

You got that op. Boys in blue or superheroes - girls in pink and animals only otherwise it's tantamount to child abuse, see.

Appaling typos! Sorry using my phone! I do see your point. My Friends Ds always wanted to wear dresses to parties. In the end she went with it and because of her relaxed attitude others stopped commenting. He chooses to still do this now he is in high school and is revered for it! I appreciate it could be different but I think it's more damaging to supress your kids personality.

This thread is dispiriting...

YABU sending a 4 year old to school in a onesie with feet. I dread to think of how he managed to go to the loo without it being dragged all over the toilet floor. Boak.
As for him being cold, why didn't you as the parent responsible for what he was allowed to wear, send him with a change of clothes?

I think the pink issue is irrelevant, kids will unfortunately always find something to tease other children about.

You sound incredibly highly strung.