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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a spoilt brat?

368 replies

NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:17

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I Grin and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 14/11/2013 00:56

Have you been to Hatton Garden in London? DH got a friend of a friend who has worked there for years and is a diamond dealer to commission my ring. It's based on an antique design I liked and is apparently worth an eye-watering sum. We paid less than half of that.

I know the whys and wherefores of not having a ring/only having a token one, but DH really wanted me to have a ring that I would love forever as he's a bit 'traditional' Hmm. So we did. And I do love it.

ScrambledSmegs · 14/11/2013 00:58

Ohhhhhh. Thread moved on a bit.

Bit Confused

MrsCakesPremonition · 14/11/2013 01:05

When I got engaged, a ring cst approx. 1 month salary.
IMO if your fiance is earning around £1500 a month, expecting a ring that costs more is purely greedy.

GoshAnneGorilla · 14/11/2013 01:14

Seconding Thorn - I dream of reading the blow-job after birth thread, I still think that's the most outrageous thing I've ever heard about on Mumsnet.

Back to the OP, I don't have an engagement ring and I find it difficult to believe you can't find a nice ring for under 5K.

missingmumxox · 14/11/2013 01:17

I think the point of this is marriage not the engagement ring, mine I got 4 months after we got engaged, at a half price closing down sale! It has been valued since for insurance at it was really 1/2 price possibly more.
It is a lovely ring, I learnt the value of an engagement ring from a friend who proposed to his gf and she laughed and said yes, am I not supposed to have a ring ? Queue a mad look for a ring pull, this was at the time cans where changing to what we have on cans now, a proper ring pull was located by the groom to be, they still have the ring pull in a little box and it has more sentimental value to his wife than the proper ring.
That said just to be controversial I always understood the rings you get on engagement and marriage where like a life insurance, as in if you where widowed you could sell them?

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 01:30

Word to the wise.

Dont forget to do what my friends then GF did.

Insist on a rock and diamond encrusted wedding band...for every day wear. Then a massive rock and even more diamond encrusted wedding band for best.

Fucking idiot married her anyway.

Wuldric · 14/11/2013 01:34

I do think that an engagement ring is an investment piece. But it should be celebrated for the ring that it is.

FWIW DH is somewhat embarrassed by my tiny engagement ring, purchased in less affluent times, when we were nobbut bairns. It's worth less than £1k now. He frequently offers to upgrade it. I say no. It is where we were when we were young. I am not ashamed of it. You can't upgrade an engagement ring because then it wouldn't be your engagement ring.

What I am trying to say OP, is that you should love your engagement ring whatever. When you are older, fatter and wealthier, you should look back on the times when you were younger.

Oh and on a more practical note. You should never buy an engagement ring from a jeweller. Don't pay retail prices - they are ridiculous. Go and try some on for size and cut and then go and purchase online. You will get much better value. A ring purchased online (or if you are lucky enough to trust someone in Hatton Gardens who will give you a good price) will be literally half the price you would pay retail. Don't FGS go to H Samuel or the like. Overpriced poor quality tat.

ThornSayre · 14/11/2013 01:40

Bogey I had a frenemy like that. She did the extortionate ring thing then demanded a ten grand eternity ring after a year of marriage. A year! WTAF?

KingCrimson · 14/11/2013 01:49

There's something wrong with your maths, Nancy. If he has £1600 disposable income left after all bills have been paid and some savings, it'll only take him about 3 months to save up for a £5000 ring, not a year.

Unless he's buying a lot of private lapdances, of course.

CanucksoontobeinLondon · 14/11/2013 03:19

OP, congrats on your engagement. Bear in mind that the more expensive the ring is, the more petrified you will be of losing it. I have an old-fashioned but expensive engagement ring which my DH didn't pay for. It was his grandmother's and he inherited it. When I found out what it was worth, I got totally neurotic that it was going to fall off my finger, I'd lose this valuable family heirloom, and DH (and his family) would never forgive me. I was constantly checking my ring finger to make sure the damn ring was still in place. And then eventually I really did lose it, although fortunately I found it again. As time went by I wore it less and less, because I just couldn't relax when I was wearing it. Now it lives at the bank. It's of no use to anybody there, but I can breathe easily knowing it's not slipping off my finger.

It's the wedding band that's really important, IMO, and that's comparatively cheap. Don't worry too much about the engagement ring. After you get married, you'll probably have to switch the engagement ring over to the other hand anyway to accommodate the wedding band.

D011Y · 14/11/2013 03:47

I agree with you that lots of people have engagement rings worth a LOT more than 5K. However, if it has taken someone a year to save up to buy it, they really really can't afford it can they? There are plenty of better things to spend that kind of money on.

nooka · 14/11/2013 04:12

My engagement ring cost forty pounds I think, maybe less. I don't like big blingy rings, not me at all. I think it's very pretty, but an investment piece it is not :) Not sure any modern ring is likely to be to be honest - second hand rings are much cheaper than new ones, so it seems likely that most rings lose value fairly quickly.

Dolcelatte · 14/11/2013 07:00

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paxtecum · 14/11/2013 07:10

Will you be whinging that you can't afford to buy a house in a few years time?
It's impoosible to save enough for a deposit - that sort of whinge?

Sorry, that is quite harsh but..........

raisah · 14/11/2013 07:12

Why not save for the wedding? My friend did this, she was engaged for a year without a ring and had the the most fabulous wedding.

Or he could save for a £5k ring & you could save for a £5k watch for him. Only fair?

YouTheCat · 14/11/2013 07:14

My engagement ring cost £16.99 from Argos. I'm really glad it wasn't more. Apart from the fact that h is now ex, the ring had to be cut off when I was pregnant because my hands swelled up. Not so much of a tragedy with a ring that was so cheap but a disaster if your ring cost 5k

Still at least you can sell it when he gets his next lap dance.

paxtecum · 14/11/2013 07:14

Impoosible??
Impossible even

buttercrumble · 14/11/2013 07:16

5K is crazy YABU

fluffyraggies · 14/11/2013 07:21

What with your other thread OP, about his strip club antics, this relationship sounds a bit of an empty vessel, tbh. Sorry.

You can't buy happiness.

deXavia · 14/11/2013 07:30

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Eastwickwitch · 14/11/2013 07:35

Look, who wouldn't love a big sparkly diamond?
In my day the guidelines were a months salary, I'm sure that's a bit old fashioned now.
5K is an awful lot, unless your DP is earning vast sums.
1.5 K would buy a lovely ring. Set your sights a bit lower & be happy.
Right now the ring seems the big thing but you'll soon be focusing on the wedding, honeymoon, house. Honest.

Financeprincess · 14/11/2013 07:41

What paxtecum said. Don't you both have a mortgage/pensions to think about? It's absurd to demand a ring he has to save up for months to afford.

My DH, after he proposed, suggested that I look for a ring up to £4k, which was what he could afford to spend, before we went together to buy something. The jeweller, as you can imagine, brought out a few more expensive rings. One, for £6k, was stunning but I wouldn't have considered putting the difference to DH's £4k, even though I could easily have afforded to; it would have made him feel bad. I chose a beautiful ring in his price range. I bought our wedding rings.

kungfupannda · 14/11/2013 07:45

I knew someone who lost her £7k engagement ring, so they claimed on the insurance, and "upgraded" it to a £12k ring.

At this point in time, they were both shagging other people, and the wedding never happened.

Not bitter about the cost of the hotel/travel to France for a wedding that got called off at a few weeks' notice

WaitMonkey · 14/11/2013 07:46

Oh, good I love this sort of thread. Can't wait to read it after the school run. From the op though, yes you are being a brat.

stinkingbishop · 14/11/2013 07:47

I've got a very nice > £5k Niessing engagement ring with a HUUUUUGE diamond. No longer required as he was a twunt...make me an offer Wink