Am I being a spoilt brat?

[NancyShrew]

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

I have jewellerey that is worth thousands so I am not against expensive things out of principle.

However I cannot imagine delaying an engagement or wedding in order to have a bigger ring, I also cannot imagine expecting someone to spend that amount of money on me.

I don't have an engagement ring, twenty years later I look at my husband and children and often think wow I am a very lucky woman.

I can't imagine upgrading a ring either, or buying one now that we can afford one.

When we met, we loved each other to bits with the passion and hunger that comes with a new relationship. The lack of engagement ring reminds me of the fact that a lack of money was not going to stand in the way of us making a lifelong commitment to each other.

My ring cost £5k (11 years ago) but my DH proposed to me with the ring already bought, so I didn't choose it or ask for him to spend that much, but at the time he was living with his mum, had plenty of disposable income and had saved for it, he wanted to spend that much because it was a great quality diamond set in platinum. I do love it but was a bit mortified he spent that much! Now of course circumstances are very different with 2 DDs etc so I'd say if you have the money then yes, but doesn't sound like your DP does!! Of course you have to live with the ring forever (hopefully!) but I'm sure you could find it cheaper by getting it made or going to Hatton Garden? Mine as I've said is an A grade diamond but to the naked eye I wouldn't know it from cubic zirconium!! Surely you can find the same design cheaper?

Oh dear if the ring is more important than the actual em engagement it is very shaky grounds from the off.

My engagement ring cost £250 which tbh I thought was extravagant (I am in a well paid profession but I just don't see the point of wasting money on these sort of material things, it wouldn't matter what was on my finger as long as we are in a happy relationship). Look at the priorities here, you seem very shallow.

For me the ring didn't matter. If it matters that much to you then I would say something. However, bear in mind once you have children you will find it is better to have nothing on your hands. For me, it was more important to have savings than a ring. Each to their own but I would tell my DH to return the ring.

Nancy, Why did you return the bag?

Gosh, when someone starts spouting about their Dream Ring/Kitchen/ Handbag, I always have a strong desire to stamp on their toes.

OP, you sound rather like Veruca Salt at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Hang on a minute, unless I have missed something here, am I right in saying your dp hasn't actually proposed yet???
Your engagement is potentially on the cards and you have a feeling that it may happen in the next 6 months........so its not happened yet?

What will you do if he doesn't actually propose?
A lot of things can change in 6 months, Kind of blows your 5k ring out of the water doesn't it??

5000 is a huge amount to spend on a ring. Can't you find anything Cheaper you like?

YABU

I didn't have a ring. We couldn't afford it when we got engaged. It didn't make me feel any 'less engaged' and it didn't make it any less special, You sound more interested in having something sparkly to show off than the idea of spending the rest of your life with your DP.

Jesus, I missed that, Winter . She just has a feeling he might propose. Yes, it's all a bit previous alright.

Yes, Flogging, isn't it just?
It didn't dawn on me until i'd spent 20 minutes reading to the end of the thread
Would be waiting for something solid to go on first before picking out a ring.

You are being a spoiled brat.

I'm sure you can get a beautiful engagement ring for less than 5k?? He could have just bought you one and proposed then what would you have done?

The fact that he wants to be engaged sooner rather later shows how much he wants to marry you. That should be enough.

Grow up.

Hold on, now I'm reading between the lines.

Have you discussed getting engaged together? Does he know you are looking at rings?

Put is this way OP. I would not go back with by ex-dh if his arsehole backside was studded with diamonds. They don't make you happy.

Bear in mind that your new £5000 ring will lose about 60% of its value the moment you walk out of the shop.

If you want a serious ring, for half that price you can get beautiful antique/second hand stones and settings. Most of the cost of new jewellery is the labour.

My DH worked with a guy once whose girlfriend wouldn't accept an engagement proposal from him until he bought her, what he referred to derisively as, 'The Rock'. It was a US$12,000 ring and that was back in 2000. He was really bitter about it and I don't think it's a good start to a marriage to be honest.

That sounds a lot of money to me. It's fine for well of people but saving for a year for a ring. No I don't think it's worth it. I agree with getting a ring you like and then upgrade later when and if you can afford it.

I think you sound v spoilt.

"I will only accept your proposal as atonement for you using sex workers if my ring costs £5k"

Good luck with that one. Now he knows what your forgiveness costs.

I have desperately been trying to find the pearls in the bin thread. It was fucking brilliant! I'll swap you the link for the blow-job straight after giving birth one if anyone will PM me.

OP I'm not going to say that you are spoilt, but you do need to seriously consider your relationship.

I haven't read all the way through this but is anyone else feeling their sisterly support of the OP in relation to her partner's involvement with sex workers was misplaced?

Just wee bit Caitlin, see my post above