AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

[navada]

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

are you upset because you won't immediately get "your" share of the "700K house" you have told us about, or because you may well incur a chunky inheritance tax bill to inherit part of an asset you may actually never be free to dispose of as you choose?

Yes. Next?

In all fairness it's your Mum's house, your Mum's money and it's pretty entitled and grabby to be thinking about her will before she passes away FGS. Why aren't you focusing on your relationship with her rather than thinking about how much you're going to make when she dies? Makes me feel just a little bit ill.

And this coming from someone whose Mum was disowned by her father for marrying "below" her! Would far rather have my lovely family than the estate we 'missed out on'

I'm with Mintyy on the spreadsheet and zootime on the sins.
YANBU!
Parents on here argue until the death about being fair to their children, how is it different as adults?
Children/people have different needs at different times.
I live with and look after my mother, when something happens I fully expect to move and share the house and other money with my siblings. I love them as does my mum.
Everything should be divided equally, not only money but also photographs and important stuff that reminds you of childhood and your mum.

Just had a quick read over the last few posts.

My sisters & I visit mum regularly, and over the years have provided much love & support, a damn sight more support than my brother ever has. she is extremely old fashioned & I imagine she feels leaving the house to the 'son & heir' is the right thing to do - I also believe, as someone mentioned, that yes, she does want to keep the house in the family ( which I'd understand if the family home was a rambling 16th century Sussex farmhouse with acres of land ) as it is it's a rather grotty 3 bedroom house in an unfashionable part of London - despite it's value.

And the will has been drawn up by a firm of solititors, although I haven't been provided with a copy ( yet )

Although I completely disagree with the OP and her assumptions, I have tried to see it from the other side and I still don't get it. The house will still be left equally to all of the children, the only thing is that the brother won't be turfed out of his home immediately.

There's nothing really grossly unfair with that

He won't be turfed out immediately or ever! That's the point! As siblings I assume they are of similar age and so they may never actually inherit anything... Except a tax bill

TBH OP every time you come on and add something you sound even more nasty and bitter, that is your mothers home that you are talking about in that disparaging tone , I hope you do bring up your concerns with her and I hope she does the right thing !

Lol grotty
Lovely!
I get where you're coming from but get over it. Be glad your mum is alive for now. If that's what your mum wants then fine. Leave it at that, no matter how unfair you feel it is. Would you want your kids telling you what they think you should do as a grown adult? I think not.

My concern would be who would pay the inheritance tax, plus who pays for the upkeep of the home. That would leave some very bad feelings as well.

it's pretty entitled and grabby to be thinking about her will before she passes away

From my reading of the OP, it seems as if the OP as only just found out, and it seems as though her brother has rather rubbed her nose in it. So the OP wasn't actually looking to think about her mother's will -- the issue seems to have been forced upon her, and slapped her in the face.

I don't want to inherit from my parents because I don't want them to die, but if they do die (well, I mean when really, unfortunately) then I'd be rather upset if I discovered one sibling had been favoured so much over the rest of us.

BeigeBuffet, the OP clearly states that the brother is to be allowed to stay as long as he wants.

Well, who wouldn't jump at the chance to live rent and mortgage free in a large £700,000 house for as long as they want? There is no time-frame set by which he must move out, so technically he could be there for the rest of his life if he wished. That could easily be another 40 or more years if he chooses, with the possibility that either his siblings are too old to benefit from their share of the inheritance, or possiibly that some of them have pre-deceased him.

It is totally unfair, and gives the brother a very unfair advantage.

Topseyt - which is exactly what my mum wants, the man in charge of us little women - I will talk to my mum & my brother, but only to tell them to stick the money up their arse.

I'll make my own money.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but you might have to let it go.

I am in a similar situation, only there are 4 of us and my mum is refusing to make a will because she doesn't want to upset anyone (2 of my siblings still live at home)
Ho hum.... I do think it is unfair - and it does feel like favouritism, or my mum forcing me to be the bad guy to make things fair. Also, I am settled with DH so don't need the money as much as my siblings.

There are so many variables, that in the end I decided it was all hypothetical anyway & that you shouldn't rely on inheritance, and ultimately I would rather have my mum than her house.

I can't believe people think this is fair. The OP's brother could potentially live there forever, outlive all his siblings, and they would never see their inheritance! I could see there being a stipulation that he can live there for X number of years following her death to make alternative arrangements, but surely there has to be an endpoint? I suspect that a lot of people crying YABU would find this very unreasonable indeed if it actually happened to them.

So she sees him perhaps as some sort of alpha male who will keep things in order when the time comes?

That would really rattle my cage, to be honest. However, telling them where to shove their money is probably not the best approach, and rather smacks of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Have you tried to have any sort of conversation with your mum about this, in which you explain why it is so unfair and unrealistic. She might need it pointing out. She might simply not have thought it through to its logical conclusions

Only read first page but i can see why you are peeved.

So your brother could chose to stay in a house that you will owe a third of and you have no say in the matter, couldn't sell it or move into it as he may well decide to live there forever, raise his kids in it etc etc. He could stay there until he dies but which time you might be dead.

So its an inheritance which isn't an inheritance because you may never benefit from it at all in any way!

I think you might need to tactfully and gently explain to your mum that your brother may spend the rest of your lives living in her house and that's there's a good chance you and your other sibling won't benefit from it all at. That it is in effect leaving the whole house to one child.

He is the entitled one, not you! He could buy accommodation with a share of the proceeds. Yes she can do what she likes but yanbu to be peeved.

Right so the inheritance is more important than your feelings for your mother ,well at least that's cleared up .

Yanbu. By arranging it this way, the mum is effectively making the op and her other siblings pay 60-70k each in inheritance tax plus ongoing maintenance with little prospect if an actual benefit in the op's lifetime.

That's going to hurt.

Yanbu and it is a potential souce of conflict. I don't know your relationship with your dm at all but is this something you and your other sibings discuss with her? Reassur her that none of you want to see db either homeless or burdened with cost of maintenance and suggest a timeframe (maybe 2 years) to allow him to rehouse himself. Otherwise he may not maintain house and it will decrease in value. I would be very respectful of her motives but suggest some alternatives which may help

Also, if it is the only asset it will have to be sold to pay the substantial tax bill. Who is named as executor?

Yes of course on one level we can all throw up our hands with disgust at the OP and say 'but you're not owed anything; it's her mothers assets to do as she pleases with'
Which yes, technically it is.

But that view totally misses the point that the mother is treating one sibling far more favourably than the others. You have to ask why. And of course it's going to raise all sorts of emotions. There is no logical reason to allow one adult sibling to continue living in the house indefinitely, effectively preventing the others from receiving a share.

No, the OP isn't entitled to anything; the mother can dispose of her assets as she wishes. But she's doing it in a way which is unfair and divisive, and I don't blame the OP for wondering why a parent chooses to behave like that