AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

[navada]

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

Yabu & greedy and spoilt. Chill out and enjoy the little things in life (like the time left with your mum ffs).
Really is beyond me how one person could be so money grabbing. Would you really want to kick your bereaved brother out of your dead mothers house anyway? Just so you could pocket some cash
Sorry of I'm repeating anyone, didn't read to the end of the thread before posting.

Tbh this whole thread just demonstrates the need to cap inheritance. Why should entitled little shits be squabbling their mother into the grave over who gets the bigger slice when there are people starving in the world, and people living on the streets? Disgusting.

kicked bereaved brothr out indeed! bit dramatic. they would sell the house and he could get a good deal having pocketed 233 grand

i would be angry too

Yeah but the house where your mother died, or spent the last few years of her life with you might hold some sentimental value to some people

YANBU, it's not about the money it's about treating your children equally. My mum wouldn't do that to us (although she's still alive so I might have a nasty surprise waiting for me!)

But why more sentimental for one sibling than another mew?

I am really glad I didn't find this thread early on when the witch hunt was in full force. That looked like bullying to me - and I was surprised by some of the posters (that I normally like and respect) who were so vehement and yet managed to completely miss the point of the op.

Navada, have you spoken with your other siblings? It would be that potentially quite large tax bill coming that would worry me personally, esp. If the house is not 'supposed' to be sold.

The disparity between siblings is so obvious and blatant - I am sure it must colour your relationship with your brother.

I didn't read the whole thread after page 1 but a good rule of life is never to depend on OPM (Other People's Money).

Are you the brother Mew - or the Mother ??

Maybe you could try reading the whole thread next time before describing the OP as an "entitled little shit".

From what she's said of her family dynamics it seems more than possible the brother has always been favoured over the girls - and that this has hurt over the years. Despite being a working adult, his mother has allowed him to live with her - yet we are told he does nothing to help round the house (the girls apparently have supported their mother much more) - and that her mother has a very traditional view of the world where - seemingly - men are more important than women, as in, "which is exactly what my mum wants, the man in charge of us little women".

Now, the OP has discovered a will has been made which hugely favours her brother - she didn't start an argument out of the blue about inheritance - this issue has effectively been forced upon her. Given the background, where (and admittedly I'm writing between the lines here but I bet I'm not far off) the brother is treated as mummy's little prince - even as an adult - "seeing" their mother's favouritism in black and white is going to feel like a real blow. How about considering that if you've lived a lifetime feeling second best, maybe, just maybe, an equal will might have gone some way to redress that. Indeed, a will giving any money to the cat's home would have had much the same effect, as the siblings would still all have been left in an equal position.

"Entitled" would be whingeing on if your parent decided to release all their equity (i.e. "your" inheritance) and party till their dying day. "Entitled" is NOT feeling extremely hurt because the favouritism you may have lived with and been affected by all your life carries on after your parent dies because of their last wishes.

As for houses having sentimental value - well, yes, they might, to some. The house could well have sentimental value to any of the other siblings too - maybe even more so, regardless of how long it is since they last live there. That's a stupid argument to justify what the mother's doing - as it prattling on about "bereaved brother" as in, oh how terrible it is to upset him. The sisters will also be bereaved, and, they will also be feeling rejected and hurt as well. No-one's suggested the poor "bereaved" brother would be asked to leave the minute his mother dies and nor would he be "on the streets".

if the house holds sentimental value, then he can re-mortgage it and give the fair share to the sisters, he would have a third of the mortgage as a deposit

I think that some people are completely missing the point. The OP probably wouldn't mind if she didn't inherit any money because there wasn't any when her mother died (e.g. because her mother had spent it on herself). It's the fact that her mother is favouring one sibling over the other which is upsetting.

My grandfather insisted on leaving his children the same amount of money when he died even though my father is a lot more wealthy than his siblings. He knew my father would just "vary the will" once he was dead so his siblings got the money but that wasn't the point. He wanted to treat his children in the same way and that's how a good parent should be in my opinion.

OP - YANBU - the people on here saying you might get nothing if the house is sold for care are spectacularly missing the point, the intention to favour your DB is there, even if it doesn't end up happening. it's very unfair on the rest of you, just because you're mum is legally entitled to be unfair, doesn't make it any less morally wrong. If you started an AIBU saying "AIBU to leave my estate in a way that means my favourite DC gets the use of it and gets to decide when the others get their money (if it at all)", noone would say that was reasonable (unless there was a reason your DB couldn't work himself).

Your mother is being unfair, the only good thing is that you know now before she dies, so many people only find out that their parent has been unfair to them after their parent dies, what tends to happen then is because the parent isn't there to confront/ask for an explaination, the injured parties tend to take out their frustration on the person who's inherited. Unfairness that's not been 'dealt with' and explained in life can tear apart families.

I actually think you are completely entitled to ask your mother why she's done this. Say that from where you are sitting, is very very unfair andyou'd like to know if there's a reason for it. She doesn't have to give you a reason, but quite frankly, you don't have to be civil and run round after her in her dotage if you don't want to.

I would ask her if she's thought through issues of inheritance tax, for example, if she's not expecting the money to be raised from the sale of the house, is she expecting you and your siblings to pay it out of your personal savings? Also, maintenance of the house - does the will specify who should keep the house in good repair? If not, has she thought that as you will own 1/4 of the house, you will have to pay out of your savings 1/4 of the inheritance tax, then pay for 1/4 of any repairs to the property/replacing boilers etc, on the understanding that you will get some profit from the house when it's sold, but it doesn't have t be sold until DB dies, which could be after you do. For your whole life, she's just effectively making you spend money on your DB, not giving you anything.

If she only wants her DS to benefit from her will she should have the courage of her convictions and leave everything just to him, at least that way it's not going to cost you anything and you'll all know where you stand.

But please, talk to her about this, listen if she's got a good reason she's not told you about before, or if she's thought through these issues herself. Long term, she won't have deliberately thought "let's see how I can make as much trouble between my DCs as I can" - give her an opportunity to explain and fix this if need be. Anger at funerals is far too common.

I spent some years writing wills for a living, so put aside personal opinion to consider this.
I would query whether your mother has used a solicitor, specialising in estate advice, to draw up the document? if not, then the full ramifications may not have been explored.

Does the Will include a clause that allows for purchase of another property for your brothers use, if the house does have to be sold to cover IHT?
If not, and there are no other funds to cover the bill, then the house will have to be sold and your brothers 'right to remain' expires. On the brief info given, he would not then inherit more than an equal division.
Probate will not be granted until the tax bill is paid, so executors may have to take a loan to cover the amount in the interim - because they cannot legally sell the property until probate has been granted.

It is very very usual for this type of clause to be inserted when a child (or spouse) still lives in the property (regardless of age)
People care about those they feel they are providing a home for.
It is not the responsibility of someone writing their Will to consider whether or not future beneficiaries may or may not be annoyed that their inheritance might be delayed by a right to remain clause.
Nor should it concern them.

Wills are written to ensure that wishes are set into Law. Your mothers Will indicates what her wishes are, after her death.
You may not like it, but you should respect it.
Inheritance is best viewed as an absolute windfall IF it ever arrives. It is not a right of any kind, and assuming anything will be inherited is just a route to family division and misery.

another question to ask, if your brother is allowed to keep the house unsold and live in it, are the other owners allowed to live in it too? Quite frankly, in that case, I'd be moving my family in with my brother and renting out my family home. (Assuming the house is big enough to fit you all in, at £700k I'm guessing so).

No way would I be paying for upkeep of a house I didn't get to use. You might find your sisters would support this cause of action, esp if it makes it uncomfortable enough for your DB that he thinks the idea of selling up and getting his share of hte money to live without his sister and family...

Brief point on the IHT. If the DM was in the "standard" setup: previously married to the OP's DF, and all his possessions and his share of the house went straight to her when he died, then the IHT threshold is 650 not 325, because she can use the deceased spouse's unused IHT allowance as well as her own. Makes a really big difference in this case.

(I'm typing without being able to update the thread, so apologies if this point has been made already or superseded by later info from OP).

It isn't the money, if my mum decided to leave everything to the cats protection leave I'd be happy for her - it's the favoritism by her, & the sense of entitlement from my brother. whatever my mums wishes are my bother doesn't have to go along with them - but I know he will.
It's more of a disappointment than anything, disappointed that members of my immidiate family can do this. plus it's a bit of a shock I supppose.

I will talk to my brother at some point - & I will put pressure on him to sell, but legally I haven't got a leg to stand on so I'll be relying on his good nature - hopefully he'll realize the mess it will cause if he stays in the house & he'll do the decent thing. ( although I won't be holding my breath )

Hey, OP, if you're really lucky your brother might drop dead before your mother and then you'll only have to split the inheritance three ways. Happy Days!

Not time to read the whole thread but as a mother with two children and substantial assets I could not contemplate leaving my children unequal shares. Whatever they do, whatever happens to them they will always be my children and they will be entitled to an equal share of my assets in my will. I don't see why the OP has been so flamed on this thread.

& the house has been left to all of us - so I am technically a quarter owner, the stipulation is that my brother can stay in the house for as long as he likes.

It's hurtful, I understand that but at the end of the day it's her house and she can do what she likes with it and to say to hate them both....well that just makes you sound vulgar.

I hate all this money grabbing when someone dies...it's just horrid. My DH lost his mum a couple of years ago who at the time was living in her house with his brother. His brother stayed in the house for a couple of years and although technically the house belonged to all the siblings no one would have ever dreamt of asking him to move out, it was his home....and he did have somewhere he could have gone if need be.........

Sadly he died a few months ago and again, we would rather have him alive and well and living in her house still!

Seriously, get some perspective - you are lucky to have a mum!

Your mother isn't even dead yet. Maybe you should cross that bridge when you come to it. Jeez!!!

How can it not be about the money? Get on with your life and make your own.

Blimey op, you're have great expectations! Why would you hate them? At least she has told you, so now you can make decisions and get on with your life without expecting a pile of cash. Its her money.

She could sell it, buy a smaller place and give that to your db, and spend the rest on a lovely lengthy round the world cruise for her and your db, any savings in the pot for a home- but lucky for her she won't need one as your db will be able to take care of her.

No OP, talk to your mother. Talk to her now, about all the issues raised on this thread, the legal/tax implications, the maintenance, the fairness, what if your brother never moves out? Talk to her and ask her what her thinking was. If her thinking boils down to "my son is the priorty, what's best for him is all that matters and if I end up financially screwing my daughters, so be it" then at least you know before you give up years of your life caring for her in her old age just to find out she felt you had to do that and her DS was all that mattered as a friend of mine did

It's your mum's behaviour that's hurt you, so talk to her. As for your brother, if the tax issues haven't been planned for, then I guess the house will have to be sold anyway, feel free to point this out ot him now, he might be staying there in order to get the house, explaining that he won't get it anyway, but if he's living with your mother you and your other siblings will expect him to do any old age care she needs, might be enough to get him to chose to move out to his GFs sooner rather than later. (If he's as selfish as you say, that might work, but talk to your mum first, you want to make sure you have your facts straight).

The hurt of being overlooked is hard, but it's your mum that's hurt you, not your brother. He might well be an arse of the highest order, but direct your upset at the person who's taken the decision to upset you - although give her a chance to explain first, and listen, there might be more going on that you know, if not, then at least you've given her the chance to tell you, rather than just feeling angry but unsure why she did this.

Yes wills are confirmation there were toxic parents who played favourites and cause sibling rivalary.

None issue house has to be sold for IT in this case, unless large savings.

And as I said earlier, the OP might get nothing if the money is all spent on a care home, but that doesn't change the fact the intention is to favour one child over the others. The intention to favour is as hurtful as them actually being favoured.

Yes, her mother could waste the lost on round the world cruises, but then they would get an equal share in nothing - it's the lack of equality within payouts that tend to cause upset, not the money itself. (This is particularly hard if one sibling has been favoured growing up as well, if they've always been 'the golden child' it can really hurt people that they are still that in death)