to have questioned a new book club member?

[uptheanty]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

So i started a new book club and was contacted by a woman that i don't know and haven't met before. She had heard of this new book club through the school and wanted to know if she could join.

I checked her out with a mutual friend that knows her and her response was -- lukewarm to say the least.

Anyway, i put that to one side and invited her to join to see if she would like the group and vice versa.

Lots of members of the group complained about her and commented that she was very combative and self righteous.
Everytime i've bumped into her since then she has been quite rude in regards to my friends, all judgy pants and eye rolls and instructed me what she will and won't tolerate when it comes her turn to host.

We are quite a raucous group but thats why we love it so much.

Today during more eye rolls and self important sentences from the lady in question, I asked her if maybe the book club wasn't for her as she is so vocal with her disapproval.

She started to cry and said that I was insecure and I just felt threatened that she had run a book club for 4 years previously and that I thought she wanted control.

She emailed me to tell me that she will return my book and that she won't be joining the group, that although she found our group wonderful and friendly that I had made it clear to her that she didn't fit in and that she wasn't welcome.

I feel bad that I've hurt her feelings, have I overreacted?

What should I do?

I have said that trying to create the perfect eclectic mix at a book club is a bit odd, other than that I am not determined to paint you as odd. Why would I? I don't know you.

I am determined to see good in people and acknowledge that most people don't set out to offend others and that it is hard work trying to fit in with a new group. ironically we tend to put people off us when we are trying hard to impress. Or maybe that is just me.

I went back through the posts when I realized I had made an error.

I wanted to make sure I had read the thread correctly,

No wine at book club?!? Is she mad?

If she's have told me that there would be no wine at her house when she hosted it, I would have laughed as if she were joking and then told her that she wouldn't be hosting it then as the rest of the club wanted wine and there would be hell up if they didn't get it.

It's probably best that you've moved it to the pub, that's where we have ours and there's no drama at all in our club.

I appreciate your posts philoslothy,

I'm not sure I have handled things very well, which is exactly the reason I've put it all out here and invited opinion, many thanks for yours.

ilovexmastime

This was one of my concerns, she acted like we were all alcoholics and the loud exclamation of " I can't believe you came to work today" in our place of employment in front of some parents .

I'm still cringing…

If it makes you feel any better, I had a touch of cabin fever and took my books to mark at our local pub. I live out in the sticks in a village, so few options.

I was stopped by a parent who questioned my professionalism for marking in the pub. She said she hoped that her child's book would not smell of stake cigarettes and alcohol.

philoslothy

I had no idea book clubs involved such bitchiness and personally political shenanigans, it sounds rather like the sad cheerleaders squad at school. Not specifically referring to your book club, OP, just some in general that I've heard about. Wow.

Haven't read either of those books, thanks! Good idea not to mention her during your meet-up, just let her presence fade away.....if possible; the email sounds like a pain. Perhaps try to imagine that you didn't have any issue with her. If that was the case it would seem a straightforward request from her and something you might be happy enough to do for her. It would certainly take the wind out of her sails and leave her nothing bitchy to say about you if you replied "No problem, I'll ask X to give it to me next time I see her". Could you bear to oblige her?

minty

I emailed her back telling her that the book was very interesting and to thank her for sharing it.
I told her that I would make sure and return it to her personally next week to ensure she received it in the condition she'd donated it!!

I can't deal with the negative energy…it's infectious..

I think you've been incredibly polite and tolerant.

It's a good thing you're being the bigger person and personally handing over the book - her seeking to involve children in this minor matter just shows what kind of person she is.

Great reply upthe, she would have fed off anything negative so you are starving her by being polite and helpful. Ha!