to wonder what Mumsnet is actually for?

[Mintyy]

I find it impossible to use these days.

There is a fight on every thread. And I don't just mean in a yanbu/yabu sort of way. I mean that people are happy to round on others because they have different reasons for being here.

I have even seen a row between two different support threads this week.

If you want to make friends you are told off for being royalty or cliquey.

If you want to indulge in a little mild gossiping you are shouted down for being judgemental or shallow.

If you want to have a lighthearted chat you have to make that clear in the thread title nowadays.

I find the general mood of the place to be aggressive, angry, confrontational, defensive, impossible, predictable.

I keep hoping that things will improve, but how ?

I'm using it as google. I'm waiting for the 'why dont you just google' comment

I've always found it to be the things you describe. I think you have to take from it what you want to take from it and learn to develop a thick skin (or 'hide thread') for the more unhelpful stuff. It's not compulsory

You see, I haven't always felt it to be this way. I have had lots of fun on here over the years. I feel the fun has been sucked out of the place.

By the way "its not compulsory " sums up exactly what I mean by predictable. Obviously its not compulsory but ...

It's for perspective, to learn about other peoples and contribute whatever you can from your own.

Kind of what the whole internet is for from my perspective.

I also think it depends what time you post as well. You have to time it right to get the lightheartedness

Sorry for being so predictable but Mumsnet is only as valuable as the community taking part at the time .... good, bad or indifferent. If no-one had ever joined in it would be called www.Justine'sMonologue.com.

I agree. I got sick of being told I was judgemental, when in fact I was just expressing an opinion.

I think the art of discussion has been lost.

Also I think that you need to be on here a while before you settle into it iyswim, but since penisbeakergate, there are lots of new people who haven't settled yet.

I see a lot of these "MN has gone to shit" threads but I don't see the issue, I think there are plenty of supportive and lighthearted threads. There are arguments and trolls on every forum, all the time. It depends where you look and what you're seeking out I suppose.

It is a struggle to find a nice, non confrontational thread lately, its getting to be hard work, wading through pages of arguments and judginess and bitchiness.

I hate that threads have to have a disclaimer now.

The good stuff is still here, it is just getting buried under the low level nastiness.imo

I know what you mean, it is quite confrontational at the moment, but I think it just goes through peaks and troughs anyway so it's not like the change at the moment is special.

I have spotted more posts recently which aren't quite reportable but are really quite nasty, which is sad. Someone had a go at a poster on Relationships yesterday in a horrible situation and effectively drove a poster who very much needed support away from the thread. Very sad - but as I said, there wasn't enough in the tone or content of the post to really merit a report.

But it's still funny and helpful. Sometimes I think it's your (i.e. the reader's) mindset more than anything else which makes MN seem to be having good or bad weeks.

I come here for support for my MH issues and to ask random questions

Sometimes I like to debate stuff.

Personally I cannot STAND the 'lighthearted' threads, they are full of impossible to pregnate cliques of people talking about fucking goats. It's not particularly amusing or different and I just find it incredibly tired.

It's understandable that people will disagree, I don't see the issue so much.

Maybe I could add a signature, with a disclaimer, at the end of all my posts.
It seems very painful ATM.

I get the impression that as time goes by, MN is less and less of a distinct "place" on the internet, with its own values and mores. Because of the sharing culture the business of posting entertaining links from anywhere to anywhere the internet is increasingly one muddy floodstream speeding along full of debris and eroding lots of distinct locations with their carefully built ways of going about discussion. MN's been washed away.

When I post now it feels like talking to my dog: I don't really expect anyone to listen or reply, it's just nice to have a notional audience to make talking to myself feel a bit less mad.

I'm not sure what I use it for any more, probably habit; but I do like to feel useful so contributing to threads where people need help and support or information is what I mostly do now.

The quiche threads I was on to start with have all gone now - the friends I had on them saw me through my move to Australia and kept me sane and "connected". Now I chat to them elsewhere as many of them have left MN.

I do feel that there are a lot more people willing to jump down other posters' throats a lot quicker. There appears to be, in some areas, even less tolerance and sympathy than there used to be, although it is more often carefully toned down to avoid deletion these days - although I think in some ways that's worse! It used to be that you could have a jolly good ding dong with someone, get it out of your system and move on. Now it's all deleted and PA comments all over the place, and MNHQ with their "ahems" and then someone gets suspended. This allows more festering, I believe - and the lower level nastiness just continues rather than blowing up massively and then being over.

Agree Thumwitch and I also think you make a really interesting point, ButThereAgain, about Mumsnet being less distinct than everything else on the internet.

Don't you think, Geckos, that people having a laugh about goats aren't actually doing any harm so why would you resent them for it?

On the webchat that Justine and others at MNHQ did last Friday, one of the things they said was that we on't need to wait for rules to be broken before we report.
They also want reports based on a gut feeling or a hunch as it helps them build a picture of posters.

No, they aren't doing any harm and I am not the type to go in and be rude to people who are having a private joke about something

I was merely pointing out that what you find useful and great and interesting about MN is the opposite of what I (and probably some others) find great and interesting about Mumsnet.

But I am saying what I find great and interesting about Mn isn't really evident any more. It all seems to be lost in a great miasma of angst and bile.

Must get round to reading that web chat properly!

Geckos makes a good point there. MN is different things for different people. Some posters will prefer the anonymity and not be comfortable to be on threads with lots of posters who know each other and have in jokes; other posters come on expressly to for that sort of chat.

So MN can't actually "be for" any one thing. Everyone wants something different.

All of the light-hearted threads, Geckos?

Since a search of thread titles over the last month with 'light hearted' in the title throws up a load of random stuff by completely different posters, I don't get your point.

Do you think there should only be serious threads?

I have a very useful, internal OFFS button which I implement for Goady Fuckers, Professionally Offended, boring twaddle or anything else I'm not interested to read

I'm using it as google. I'm waiting for the 'why dont you just google' comment

Just for SP - lmgtfy.com/?q=How+to+use+google

I think it totally depends on where you are posting.

I joined MN a couple of years ago to learn more about TTC and fertility issues. I learned a great deal, and I now know where to go if I have a question to ask.

I then posted about a very difficult relationship issue with my DP (different NN), and was totally overwhelmed with the outpouring of incredible support and advice that flooded in within a few hours. It helped me to make a very difficult decision, and that shaped our relationship into what it is today.

I recently started a thread for support on another family issue (another NC!), and have received a massive response, which has lead to me understanding a lot more about my family dynamic and helped me enormously. A few posters on that thread have been wonderful, and I now consider them my favourites!

In between all that, I use MN for entertainment, and as a barometer to see what other people think of other issues. It's fascinating.

Yes there's a lot of rubbish on here, and a lot of people looking for an argument. I've never really been the victim of any of those horrible bunfights, but I have been impressed by how others have dealt with them.

And yes, there are cliquey 'in-jokes' just like there are in real life. But you can ignore that if that's not your cup of tea. I suppose I just try and see through the noise to the real issues.

I now often find myself thinking "what would the MNers say about this" when something new happens...

My only problem with MN is how terribly, horribly, all-consumingly addictive it is!!

No not at all!

I think that people should be able to post what they want and if people don't like it should move on to something else

My point is that I don't find the 'lighthearted' threads particularly interesting, the 'nobdie' threads for example, I have opened a couple of them and found them neither funny nor insightful though clearly they are hugely popular with those who love them and add to them

So I just don't add to those threads.

I focus on threads that will interest me and I suggested everyone else does the same. The op might wish there was more 'lighthearted' threads going on but others might just not want to bother with them

Which is also fine.

I know what you mean Mintyy. I've been on here for years and years (on 3rd or 4th namechange, can't remember which it is) and I think it's become a habit for me. I find myself with a spare 20 minutes, clicking on MN, and find myself looking at the same old, same old - and yet still I post! .

Occasionally there is a really interesting or meaty thread but mainly it's the tame stuff (SAHM/WOHM, breast/bottle, the evils of the patriarchy) or the threads that make me think that 90% of MNetters live in a parallel universe (Q: AIBU - MIL wants to come from Christmas, A: WTAF, I can't believe how narcisstic/PA she is).