To flirt all the time?

[Brittapie]

Apparently I am constantly flirting. I keep getting in trouble for it.

The vast majority of the time (like, 99.9%) I mean absolutely nothing by it at all. It's just a nice way of giving people an ego boost, having a bit of fun etc. I'm not talking actually rubbing against people, I'm not even sure what it is I do really - making eye contact mostly I think, I dunno.

I get told I flirt when I dance too (I do partner dancing) but that just is because it feels weird NOT to look at someone who has their arm round my waist, and if I keep eye contact and smile I am much less likely to get dizzy and/or lose my lead somehow.

I probably do talk about sex a lot. OK I definitely do. But that's not in a flirty way, I just have a dirty sense of humour, and a lot of my friends are the same.

If people don't flirt back I stop, but I would say about 50% of people do flirt back (it's hard to say cos I don't really do it consciously) Every now and again I get in an outrageous flirt off when I find someone else who is as bad as I am

I'm bisexual, but I also do move in circles where maybe a third of my good platonic friends are men, so gender isn't really that big a deal (except that men are more likely to flirt back I suppose)

I'm not wafting about in miniskirts and high heels. I basically dress like a slightly vintagey student, I have very little poise and elegance. I am well fit but I genuinely think that most people are, if they would only believe it.

If I actually fancy someone I usually lose the ability to talk to them even normally and generally act all embarrassed and shy.

That doesn't help though. People keep telling me I was flirting, or telling me off for it. Not the people I'm flirting with though, because I just interact with the person I'm interacting with, not the entire room. And if it is a partner of the flirtee objecting, well they should be objecting to their partner, not to me. I wouldn't have any issue with a partner of mine flirting because, well, it's flirting.

SIGH.

So yeah, does anyone else flirt? And is a bit of harmless flirting really THAT bad?

OP, you sound fine to me. You will always get people who like how you are, and people who don't, that's life. You sound like one of those lucky people who is comfortable in your own skin. If that is the case, then just carry on being you, and people can take it or leave it!

I've dabbled in the lindy/social dance scene. Gazing onto the eyes of someone you're dancing with, for the whole dance, IS considered a bit weird and full-on. A dance teacher (male) once told me that most of the time, as a follow, you should be looking where your lead's tie knot would be, if they were wearing one, which leaves you in the proper position.

Plus on a busy dance floor, you need to do your share of looking out for other dancers over your lead's shoulder.

Oh yes, but catching their eye and a cheeky smile I would say is fairly normal isn't it?

Disclaimer: It has been quite a while since I did any swing dancing. I do mainly ballroom where you don't look at your partner at all, and Latin where you're meant to keep eye contact as much as possible because it's one of the 'contact points'.

Normal social smiling, yes.

I remember overly touchy-feely, handsy people (normally men, but one memorable woman comes to mind) were not particularly well received either.

I've met the op and while I find this thread a bit odd I can confirm that if she is hairy handed steve the trucker, she does a VERY good job of appearing like a non-trucker female :)

Thanks

That is reassuring to hear, StealthPolarBear! There were those of us with doubts.

Unless, of course, you are one of her/his many aliases.

'I' did post very soon after 'me', didn't I?

That didn't go unnoticed. Remember this is Mumsnet.

It goes the other way too. When we met I no doubt looked like a slightly frumpy 30ish woman in a fleece but beneath that fleece I could have been a young, fit, ladyboy
I wish

I don't think there is any reason for anybody to doubt the OP. I do not understand the comments criticizing someone for daring to say something positive about themselves and I find it very sad.

No-one is seriously doubting the OP is female! The thread took a harmless, surreal, comic turn a couple of pages back.

Okay, I now officially hate the word 'Flirt'.

No issues with the confidence thing - that sounds great. People should feel more positive about themselves in general.

There a difference with being charming - the genial, friendly social person which most people like. And being a bit inappropriately creepy. If you are crossing social lines by flirting unashamedly with people's partners (you might be fine with it, most people are not)and people are asking you to tone it down then you fall into the latter.
You come across as socially inept with what you are saying in your posts. Just try talking to people more, instead of this eye contact/hair flicking thing. You also sound completely focused on yourself and mentally unwell. Take care of yourself OP.

Really awesome Flirting quotes will make you smile, try once

fawwafaaw you bumped a 3 year old ZOMBIE THREAD to post that?

okay then

I think your self esteem is lower than you like to project and I think flirting too much is strange.

Flirting by nature is sexual and therefore shouldn't be directed at anyone and everyone.

I'd be angry if my OH was flirting and equally so if someone was flirting with him, once they knew he was unavailable. I'd be annoyed with him if he let it continue and that means he's being put into a difficult position by your behaviour.

I think you've some growing up to do.

attheendoftheday The thing is that flirting all the time reduces all interactions to sexual ones, and reinforces that women are primarily seen as interesting or valuable based on their sexual attractiveness or availability.

Yes, because men can't flirt!