Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school?

235 replies

extremepie · 06/11/2013 12:58

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

OP posts:
Nerfmother · 07/11/2013 10:42

Op have read most if the thread. All pupils of compulsory school age are entitled to a full time education, (see DfE guidance in attendance) but I note you are planning a special school move. I really think you need to get advice on this and transport, and perhaps have a meeting with inclusions and the school in the meantime. Try parent partnership in your area or ipsea.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 07/11/2013 10:49

This sounds like a nightmare situation and I do think the school could be more sympathetic. Given that your youngest has pretty considerable needs it is brilliant that you are getting him out as routinely (at the same time), as you are, managing two young children on your own under these circs. I would have thought the school could have recognised that and supported you by pushing the transport issues (wielding their own power) with the local authority rather than you (who seem to be doing your utmost).

As to the full time thing? Are they doing it because 'he' is simply not coping and it is unfair to him, or is it simply because they cannot cope? It's all well and good posters saying 'the school have to provide other things in school for him to do etc etc), but sometimes that just doesn't work, the environment is just not appropriate. So in this instance I would ask the school (their pastoral people) to again push for the move to a more suitable school. Unfortunately this sounds like the whole "we have to try him at mainstream even tho we know it will fail because we have to show we have tried and failed before we can allot a space" thing going on which to my mind has very little to do with the child and more to do with targets (just like the lateness issue).

So you have my sympathies. And I would suggest you go into school and ensure they know just how desperate you are because they are not supporting you or your children adequately. Of course you know they need to be there on time, and were both your children NT I would imagine that they would be! I say that because you seem to be proactive with everything else, it's just that this is a barrier to you.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/11/2013 10:57

The reason your kids are late for school every day is because your Ds's transport has not been provided.

Make that very clear to the school.

The school does not need to be "understanding" a- they need to use their power with the LEA (or whoever it is) to get the transport sorted.

So next time they mention it - cheery smile say "I know - I'm so angry with the LEA for not provided DS's transport - once he gets that they'll both be on time for school. I've called them 3 times already this week. Perhaps you could have a go as I bet you have more power than me." Look admiringly at important teacher.

The trick is to make it in the school's interest to do what you want.

ShoeWhore · 07/11/2013 14:04

Mumoftwoyoungkids I like the cut of your jib!

SuburbanRhonda · 07/11/2013 16:10

mumoftwo, just a small point - it's not the class teacher's job to chase applications for home to school transport. It's the parent's, if necessary with the support of a link worker (if the school one) or Senco.

Don't forget that waiting in for the taxi can make the other children late for school, as I have often found with families I support.

UniS · 07/11/2013 19:30

no, not smug. I live in rural area, my walk to school is slightly less than a mile, down hill then up hill, no pavements. I walk 5 or 6 miles a day on days that I have to be at school at lunch time as well as start and ed of day.
Yes its slow walk with children. some days I have 1, some days 3 ( I walk a friends kids in so she can get to work on time). Yes, we are sometimes a bit slow out the door and arrive at school as the bell is ringing.

If OP has no school transport provided for her child because he doesn't meet the criteria than walking is going to be the best option for getting to school on time, the bus clearly isn't working for her and she made no mention of owning a tandem or a bike trailer, either of which would be possible alternatives but are rare.

Bunbaker · 07/11/2013 19:32

Please read all of the OP's posts UniS

oolaroola · 07/11/2013 19:35

I haven't read the whole of the thread but no of course you're not being unreasonable! The school should obviously use a bit of common sense and apply some flexibility. Don't let them get you down or pressure you. I don't know what is going on these days with unauthorised absence hysteria and punctuality obsession, it's demoralising and quite frankly mean and petty.

FloozeyLoozey · 07/11/2013 19:52

Maybe you need to look at moving to an urban area with closer schools and better transport links. Doesn't sound sustainable living where you are. Time to take responsibility for your own life and family.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/11/2013 19:54

suburban - that is very true but if the Op makes it the class teacher's problem then the class teacher will get on the back of the Senco who will probably know just the right person to call.

The school and the Op both want the same thing here - for Op's kids to get to school on time. So the school should be pulling with her to do that.

Nanny0gg · 07/11/2013 20:30

Why do people think that moving is always an option?

It costs money which the OP may not have, even assuming that there are suitable properties convenient to other schools/work/support etc.

Time to take responsibility for your own life and family.

And that is downright spiteful. Just because her children are 5 minutes late for school, for (imo) very good reason, why does that imply the OP isn't being responsible?

hackmum · 07/11/2013 20:32

OP, it sounds to me like you're doing a great job in very difficult circumstances. I don't have helpful advice except to second what people have said about making a fuss and getting more support (financial and practical) for your DS. Good luck.

foreverondiet · 07/11/2013 20:39

It's not that far - why can't you walk? We live a mile from school and often walk even though I have a car. Ds2 is at the nursery and he goes in buggy - ds1 walked since reception. Older kids (now year 3 & 5) sometimes use scooter. All that being said should speak to the school and explain bus situation.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/11/2013 20:41

floozey I live in an urban area. To be exact I live in a city. We have a cathedral and everything. I live pretty centrally too - aforementioned cathedral is less than 2 miles from my house.

However dd's catchment school is 1.5 miles from our house. Urban areas often have big schools and so big catchment areas.

jamdonut · 07/11/2013 20:49

Don't know...it's tricky when you have 3 runs. Have you tried social services for help? Sometimes they will help out with taxis when there are genuine logistical problems for families?

5madthings · 07/11/2013 20:49

Omg read ALL the ops posts.

She has a child with sn's who CANNOT do the walk,plus there is no pavement, its on country roads, no streetlights and her child should have transport provided according to statement.

paxtecum · 07/11/2013 20:50

OP I have no suggestions for you, but please don't let the critical, unhelpful replies get you down.

I hope theseproblems get resolved for you.

Best wishes to you and your DCs.

5madthings · 07/11/2013 20:51

jam yes def I agree and said as much earlier, m walk is the same distance and now I do it fine but after having ds4 I was poorly and ss's provided taxis to get the boys to school in the morning, I then did pick up in the afternoon. They did it for 6mths? Possibly longer and were lovely about it.

jacks365 · 07/11/2013 21:01

Floozey I live in a rural location but moving to an urban area would mean that I'd lose my support network and my dc would lose their friends. Yes it sounds a perfect answer however the real world isn't perfect by a long short.

Quangle · 07/11/2013 21:08

Sorry about the unhelpful responses. I have no relevant experience but sounds like a nightmare to me. You are already managing so much. I liked mumoftwoyoungkids' approach. So much more thoughtful than "why don't you move?" which is of course super easy and cheap Hmm

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/11/2013 21:52

OP, Why is your child with ASD attending school part-time?

He has the right to a suitable FULL TIME education.

I'd sort that first.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/11/2013 22:04

Thanks for the advice, will try and chase up the transport, I do suspect that things have ground to a halt with that because we have applied for ds2 to go to a SN school which, if successful, he will get transport to anyway :D Unfortunately said school is full so we are having to appeal
& blah blah etc! I get the impression they do not see any urgency in getting transport sorted for him while the application is in process because if he changes school he won't need it as it will be provided by the new school :/

SS are being a bit funny about providing financial assistance with stuff at the moment, although to be fair they were funding breakfast club to enable the boys to get to school on time but only up until the end of the summer term so from September they haven't funded it - they are also funding a once a week placement with a specialist childminder to give me a break as apparently DS2 is too young for 'respite'. So they are helping quite a bit :)

Someone asked why the issues with the bus back? Well essentially it this: bus going home leaves 15 mins after bus to school but if I arrive at this time I can walk easily to ds1's classroom, drop him off then walk to the library to drop off DS2 (he doesn't go in the classroom with the other kids). I don't always make it to the bus home on time but it is easier. If I arrived 5-10 mins earlier when everyone else is dropping off their kids I have to negotiate the hordes if parents, pupils & teachers that inevitably stand in doorways & offer no help when I am struggling to open doors & push the pushchair at the same time! Plus DS2 does not always deal well with the big crowds of people & is generally much calmer when we go in after everyone else.

The 1.30 pick up is no where near the bus time so I have to walk there & back whatever happens in the morning.

At 3.15 I can get the bus there but miss the one back so either way I still have to do at least 3 journeys on foot.

I have explained everything I've said on this thread to the head & he isn't very sympathetic at all :/

DS2 was 5 in march so will be 6 soon (someone mentioned it earlier?)

By the way, got told by the school today that his 1:1 and class teacher have both got to attend a course next Wednesday so I will have to keep DS2 at home on that day. Is this right? It doesn't seem right that he has to miss a day of school because there is no one else to look after him?

OP posts:
5madthings · 07/11/2013 22:07

No that is NOT right!

jellyboatsandpirates · 07/11/2013 22:07

Sorry, haven't read all the pages. If it's only a mile, why can't you walk?! Confused
If your youngest has problems walking, put him in a buggy for the school run.
Use one of theose buggy boards for one of the other kids.
I walk a mile to school there and back twice a day, so that's 4 miles a day in total.
It was even more 'fun' when youngest was at nursery and eldest was at school, as I had a school run at lunchtime as well!
So it would be a case of go to school, get back home, sit down for half an hour and be off to do it all again - then back again at 3!
Spent the whole day up and down. Grin The 6 miles a day kept me fit though!
My 4 miles now seems like nothing compared to that!
I always got to school on time. No reason you can't.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/11/2013 22:10

He attends part time because they were not coping well with him & he wasn't coping well with the full day so they decided he would attend part time & gradually increase his time at school, which so far has only happened once from 1-1.30. They were supposed to be working on a timeline so that he would be back in school full time by the end of summer but so far this has not happened :(

OP posts: