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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school?

235 replies

extremepie · 06/11/2013 12:58

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

OP posts:
kittens · 06/11/2013 17:37

Hi,

Are you entitled to free school meals, is you are the school will get pupil premium for your children and they can use this to fund breakfast club places. This has been done at my school and it helped the children achieve more as they were at school relaxed and had a hot breakfast each morning. Even if you aren't eligible for pupil premium the school could choose to do it, certainly feel free to put a request in for consideration and if it gets a knock back send it to the Governing Body as they can choose to agree it.

Hope this helps.

fuzzpig · 06/11/2013 17:41

Ah I geddit now thanks tethers :)

(Sorry for hijack OP)

fuzzpig · 06/11/2013 17:47

BTW extremepie, slightly different situation but when I was in a very bad way health wise and couldn't manage school runs, the school gave DS two free weeks of extra nursery sessions so he went FT (5 weeks in total but we only paid for 3). This was offered and we didn't expect it, they were just offering it out of kindness. It would be helpful if they could do similar for you with the breakfast club, even if you still had to stay there due to not having a 1-to-1 - at least you wouldn't be paying for it. Not sure if they used a specific hardship fund or something but worth looking into.

NameChange70 · 06/11/2013 17:52

Wow some lovely replies. When my son with ASD was 5, it could take me 45 minutes to get from the classroom to the car, due to meltdowns, running off etc. No way could I have done 3 lots of runs with him at that distance and I blood love fresh air and walking. School should not be having a go at you about this, they should be working with you to find solutions. But you do need to be frank and discuss with them:

MotherofBear · 06/11/2013 17:53

OP, a PP mentioned claiming breakfast club costs as part of your tax credits. I would advise you to give the tax credits people a call to see if you can claim childcare costs. If you've already done that, sorry!

It sounds like an awful situation you're in, I really hope you're able to find a solution soon.

I know you're stony broke right now, but is there any way you could look at electric/battery powered bikes? Even renting one, or buying a second-hand one. You could attach a trailer for both your DCs and absolutely whizz up that hill. My mum has one and if it's at full power then it feels like you're going downhill even climbing the steepest hill!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 06/11/2013 18:14

Right. Story has moved from where I first posted. Does the school have a care service? I think an appointment to discuss all this needs to happen. You cannot sort a solution alone. You need help. The school has access to knowledge. It needs to work with you to find a workable solution at X date (so say four months time once a plan is in place acceptable to you/school/council).

Btw I neither think you are inadequate or feckless or anything particularly. More knackered probably. Post in special needs? Might get specific help.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/11/2013 18:22

OP, I feel for you. No practical advice but don't listen to the 'we live at the bottom of a lake and have to scuba dive to school with fifteen children' posts. Competitive nonsense.

I used to work for SS and I second the people saying to make lots of noise about support, transport, carer's allowance immediately. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

MinesAPintOfTea · 06/11/2013 20:51

Does ds1 have any friends that live nearby who might agree to drop him off even a few days a week? Db2 was dropped off by our neighbour for a term when dm had a childcare crisis in exchange for an assortment of other future favours.

Aside from that, yes remind the school that a fair proportion of this problem is due to their failure to meet their legal obligations for ds2 and what they will do to ensure he gets a full time education and his transport statement is meet. Especially if youcan get support via legal aid.

Original poster
extremepie · 06/11/2013 20:51

Wow lots of posts since I last checked, sorry been away for a while, had to take boys to the doctor :/

Thank you for the support, the last few months have been awful but I am trying my best!

OP posts:
Loshad · 06/11/2013 21:09

Extreme, I teach and am usually unsympathetic to my ( secondary ) students who are late. However your situation is totally different to most, and very hard. Firstly agree with other posters re your school acting illegally, if your ds2 cannot cope in a classroom all day, then he is entitled, and they must provide alternative provision for him. We have a number of kids who simply could not cope with all day in a classroom, they spend part/ all of their time in the SEN base or gardening or other activities. That is the law, end of story. The school must provide your lad with a full day at school, where and how ( ie not all in a class with another 29 or not) is up for discussion. Secondly if transport is on his statement then the LA need to provide it for you. I know you have lots on your plate but a fair bit of hassle from you now would make your life much easier in the long run. Hope both the school and LA start to deliver their legal minimum requirements for you soon,

UniS · 06/11/2013 21:37

walking 5 or 6 miles a day is normal if you have a child in preschool and one in school and you live a mile away.

5madthings · 06/11/2013 21:43

Not helpful uni

Op I just remembered when ds4 was little I had post natal psychosis, for a while social services provided a taxi to take my boiys to school. Given you have just gone through the breakdown of your marriage and yoiy have a child with sn's maybe something like that would be possible?

bialystockandbloom · 06/11/2013 22:12

Unis read the thread perhaps.

extremepie get yourself over to the SN board if you're not already. Loads of great advice and support for just about anything you might need it, and we're all lovely Smile

Andro · 06/11/2013 22:38

OP, your situation sounds very hard - I hope you manage to get the support you need.

One unpleasant though that has come to mind though; even if/when transport is sorted for your youngest, will they ensure that pick up is at a time which will allow you to get your eldest in on time?

(very little idea how this works and I'm sorry if I'm adding to your stress by mentioning it)

jacks365 · 06/11/2013 22:51

Try to apply to your lea for travel costs on the grounds of no safe walking route. From what you've said you should qualify for that and it has nothing to do with your son's sn but what it should do is cover the cost of a taxi for both of your dc. I hope you get this sorted.

Pogosticks · 06/11/2013 23:15

OP I really do feel for you. And your boys, must be especially hard when your dad moves 400 miles away when you have ASD and just started school. Do you know many other parents at the school - please don't be afraid to ask for a favour, I would hate to think of someone struggling when I could help.

Am glad you have good advice here on arse kicking re the school.

Retroformica · 07/11/2013 00:18

I think the school could make an allowance for this. It's only a few mins.

OneUp · 07/11/2013 00:40

I think a lot of (not all) the posters who think you should walk them to school have either forgotten or have no idea what it's like to have to walk everywhere. In summer it's OK but in winter it can be fucking miserable to have to walk in the rain.

I have to walk 2 miles to pick up my LO from the childminder and now it's starting to get darker in the evenings it's horrible having no option but to walk in the cold and the rain.

Add into that a child with ASD and I think you're a miracle worker just getting the pair of them into school, five/ten minutes late or not.

I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to walk, and I'm in a town, not the countryside. OP YANBU!

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 07/11/2013 07:17

Good luck! And eith that level of autism, get advice on the SN boards, get a statement, keep all paperwork, log all incidents and facts that prove he is not getting a full time education.

Some schools boycott this ( do they get fines if a child can not function well within the exclusion policy?), you gave to fight for your rights!

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 07/11/2013 07:18

I mean INCLUSION policy.... Duh need coffee

intitgrand · 07/11/2013 08:59

I have asked this question twice but the op hasn't answered, so I assume she has no answer.My question was:-

'How is that you miss the bus back if you walk, but catch it if you go on the bus? Ditto the afternoon and evening runs? I can't see how walking in the morning has any bearing on any of the other journeys'

So basically she only has to walk one one mile journey a day and can use the bus for all the other legs.So yes I think it is unreasonable not to walk on the days the weather is not horrendous, and catch the bus on the few that it is.
One mile is nothing to walk even pushing a 5 yr old!

ShoeWhore · 07/11/2013 09:25

OP where I live the lack of pavement on the route to school would automatically qualify both children for transport. Might be worth investigating?

Bunbaker · 07/11/2013 09:44

"walking 5 or 6 miles a day is normal if you have a child in preschool and one in school and you live a mile away."

Not smug then UniS? I suggest you actually read the OP's posts instead of being so judgemental.

Quite frankly I'm appalled at some of the insensitive and judgy posts on here from people who have no idea what it is like to deal with your situation extremepie

We live in a rural area with roads with no pavements and some of the pupils at DD's old primary school were entitled to a taxi to school, so I second ShoeWhore's suggestion.

You have my utmost sympathy and I hope you find a resolution that works.

JockTamsonsBairns · 07/11/2013 10:18

This is going to sound a bit radical, but it offers a simple solution and I haven't seen it suggested yet. Does the bus route pass any other families on the way, so would other people use the service if it reached the school on time? If so, could you contact the bus company and ask if they would run the bus service 15 minutes earlier? It would be normal in rural areas for the bus service to run at times most convenient to the local community. It makes sense for them to run their services at peak times. What use is a rural bus that reaches the school ten minutes too late? Perhaps others would use the bus service if it got them to work by 8.45 in the nearest town?

It's worth asking anyhow.

Also, OP, you're in no way inadequate at all. You're trying to deal with a very difficult situation the best you can.

ItAlwaysPours · 07/11/2013 10:18

As this is temporary until the application for the other school is decided, could you perhaps "volunteer" at the school for the mornings. Reading with other children/helping out in the office or something like that to cover the time between dropping them off in the morning and doing the midday run?

I know it would mean that for a while, you don't get any time to yourself in the day which may make things harder but would stop the back and forth.