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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school?

235 replies

extremepie · 06/11/2013 12:58

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

OP posts:
friday16 · 06/11/2013 15:47

Part time timetables are illegal unless in exceptional circumstances

Or if the child isn't of statutory school age. It's not clear from the OP's account whether that's the case.

Original poster
extremepie · 06/11/2013 15:51

Morethan it is the closest school I'm afraid :(

Kilmuir I'm not sure what you mean?

Alexa it isn't a bad suggestion but unfortunately Ds is at the severe end of the spectrum and cannot be left unattended by an adult, if I did he would run in the road & get himself hurt :/ I have to use the pushchair at all times outside as he has no sense if danger & will just flop to the floor if he doesn't want to go where you're going.

OP posts:
witchremix · 06/11/2013 15:51

1 mile only a 15 m walk? Lots of kids walk that far every day. Could you get them micro scooters if he youngest doesn't like the buggy?

I think from 5yo children are entitled to a full time education so I would push the school to provide the support to enable them to provide this for him.

I don't think you can keep being late every day. You are then disrupting every other child's education in both children's classes.

Badvoc · 06/11/2013 15:52

A mile?
That's really not that far.
And you have a duty to get your children to school on time.
It must be huge pain for the teachers and other children when your dc arrive late every day thus disrupting any work that has started.
It's also not nice for your kids to always be "the late ones" surely?
Your younger son could use a chair/MacLaren major?

carovioletfizz · 06/11/2013 15:53

I can't believe how unkind some posters are being. It is possible to express that you think the op is being u without resorting to name calling and oneupmanship! It doesn't matter how far you walk to school, you aren't the op, and she has asked for advice, not to be made to feel useless and lazy. Hope you're ok op.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 06/11/2013 15:53

OP, as a former bus-to-school family you have my utmost sympathy. Even without your little one's SN you're fighting a losing battle here and some people are being very uppity and judgy on this thread. Some really nasty comments!

For those you saying 'oh, it's only a mile, just walk it', it's never that straightforward. My youngest is 5 - if he had to walk a mile to school every morning, he'd be knackered by the time he got there!

And as for the 'get to school 45 minutes early'. Seriously? When it's raining? Snowing? 45 minutes is a hell of a long time for small children. Throw in crap weather and you've had it.

And calling the OP lazy, when it sounds like she's got plenty on her plate to deal with, is just callous.

SkullyAndBones · 06/11/2013 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

intitgrand · 06/11/2013 15:57

How is that you miss the bus back if you walk, but catch it if you go on the bus? Ditto the afternoon and evening runs? I can't see how walking in the morning has any bearing on any of the other jpurneys

tethersend · 06/11/2013 15:58

Yes Friday, it only applies to children of statutory school age.

How old is your DS, extremepie?

I am assuming that he is of statutory school age as you mentioned that he is sent home because his 1:1 time only covers part of the 25 hours. This is illegal.

I think it is a bit Hmm that the school will grant you no flexibility whilst they flout the law so blatantly.

LadyInDisguise · 06/11/2013 15:59

Also walking a mile on flat town centre type of road isn't the same than walking uphill on a country lane. Or walking uphill whilst pushing a heavy 5yo and looking after a 6yo too. Esp when the walking with the pushchair is done 4 times a day.
And that the OP is exhausted from little sleep due to the ASD if her son.
It might take 15min to some posters but I would guess it's taking her much much longer than that (hence the impossibility to do anything else too).

A lot of people with little compassion on here today.

tethersend · 06/11/2013 16:00

Skully- the law applies to all children from the September of the academic year they reach statutory school age. All children who turn five in that academic year are entitled to full time education from September, regardless of when they turn five.

isitsnowingyet · 06/11/2013 16:01

I'm with caroviolet on this. I think a mile each way with a 5 year old is quite a long way, particularly if they have problems anyway.

What about when it's pouring with rain? Sure we walked to school a mile each way when in secondary school, but not as a 5 year old.

I would ask the school if they could possibly come to some arrangement - either to wait indoors if early - or to allow 5 mins lateness.

Original poster
extremepie · 06/11/2013 16:01

Yes I'm ok, I've gotten used to feeling inadequate lately :(

Yes it's a mile. Up a steep hill. On a wind-y country lane with no street lights or pavement. Pushing a heavy buggy.

A mile with no children on a flat urban pavement probably does take 15m - with a walking child & a pushchair up a country lane is 30m +

Ds did attend full time to start but the school couldn't cope & he was having frequent meltdowns & lashing out from frustration - sometimes we would have to go & pick him up at 11 because they couldn't deal with him. Hence his hours were reduced & why we are trying to get him into a SN school :)

OP posts:
ouryve · 06/11/2013 16:03

If he is 5 and the school are only allowing him to be in part time with no reason other than not being willing to provide him with support all day, and with no concrete plans to get him into school full time, then their behaviour is unlawful, as this is unofficial exclusion.

LadyInDisguise · 06/11/2013 16:04

I also like when people are making comments such as 'why don't you use a pushchair?' When the OP has already stated she had no other choice than to use one Hmm.

OP tbhbut it looks like the school is trying their best to make you think you are in the wrong and all problems are down to you when
1 they act illegally by not having your ds full time
2 the issue isn't you but the fact his statement, which includes transport, isn't being followed.

Time for a meeting with the HT to have a few words.

tethersend · 06/11/2013 16:04

Extreme, do not accept this- if the school cannot cope, they need to fund additional interim support or the LEA needs to put alternative provision in place.

A school is not allowed to send a child home because they cannot cope. they must involve the LEA who must provide 25 hours of education.

The school have illegally excluded your son, which renders all talk of 'you have a duty to get your children to school on time' meaningless.

Noteveryday · 06/11/2013 16:05

How can you call this woman lazy? Fucking hell. Before I learnt to drive I used to have to walk miles everywhere. At least 5-7 miles per day. And do you know what, a lot of the time in the winter it was depressing and miserable and very very wet. You have to leave your house an hour earlier than everyone else just to get to places on time. You have to take lunch and sometimes dinner out with you every day as you will not be home in time to have meals. You have to carry a lot of stuff with you as you cannot 'pop home' for things. You have to go to the supermarket about 3 times a week because you can only carry a limited amount of things home.

I went through 3 buggies in 2 years. And that was with a toddler and an older child, so not a heavy kid in a heavy maclaren major with ASD. It sounds depressing OP. I don't think the school / LA are giving your son with ASD the proper support.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 16:07

You're not inadequate at all, please consider asking for this thread to be moved as the AIBU topic just attracts the worst of the aggressive posters.

intitgrand · 06/11/2013 16:07

extremepie could you answer my question about why walking to school in the morning, means you can't catch the bus home or for the other journeys.I think it is a key point.

carovioletfizz · 06/11/2013 16:09

Some posters seem really disconnected from reality- the op is in a really tough situation here! Must be v easy to judge and tell her just to walk from your ivory towers.... Have any of you ever tried walking a mile uphill, in freezing wind and snow, pushing an unwilling heavy five year old and a six year old walking beside? No didn't think so. Op have you tried posting on your mn local board? Maybe someone could give you a lift? You have been remarkably patient and restrained with some if the downright nasty posts on here! If I were you I'd explain again to the head, no reasonable person would refuse to cut you some slack till you get transport sorted. X

Badvoc · 06/11/2013 16:09

I would advise you to apply for a statement if he doesn't already have one.
Check out the ipsea website for a template letter.
The school are failing in their duty to provide an adequate education for your son.
I walk over a mile Up a Steep hill with a just 5 year old...a lot of people do. It's not unreasonable IMO.

ouryve · 06/11/2013 16:09

Cross posts - as they're not meeting his needs (and seem to have no intention of trying), they should be working with you to make your day easier on your other children.

Both of mine have ASD and DS1 did spend part of year 1 part time, but with a clear intention for re-integration, so they could work out a clear plan and routine for each flashpoint in the day. When he started staying for lunch, school were flexible and let DS2 stay for lunch, too, so I could pick them up together. (I live 1km from school in a hilly village)

5madthings · 06/11/2013 16:10

No pavement or street lights? Even without the additional sn's your son has that would be apita in winter, I think you need to find out about transport from the Lea and if the school are insisting your son goes part time the least they can do is be flexible esp as transport/bus times are out of your hands.

ouryve · 06/11/2013 16:12

Sorry - other child!

tethersend · 06/11/2013 16:13

Next time the school speak to you about punctuality, ask them when they are going to fulfil their legal duty to provide your DS with a full time education.