AIBU or is the school?

[extremepie]

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

I can see that this is difficult OP. But it is important that you get your children to school on time. I don't think the school is BU.

I'm not sure why walking to school would make you miss the bus back? As surely you would then be there earlier and in plenty of time for the bus?

5/6 miles isn't that far to walk. Does your little one still fit in a pushchair?

I would def second the suggestion of a referral to wheelchair services for a Maclaren major, and I'm speaking as a mum to 2 disabled DC and 1 neurotypical child, so I do understand

The lateness will affect them though, and you do need to find a solution.

The majors can be fully equipped with foot muffs and rain overs so no reason you couldn't then do the walk in any weather, and stop any unnecessary stress

There are some good suggestions here from other posters. Seems like this is something you can definitely work around. Also even though the bus arrives 5-10 minutes late, the kids probably take another 5-10 minutes to gather their stuff and walk to class. With a max of 20 mins late, I can see why the school has an issue. Surely you can see this is a problem too?

"If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back" - so you're already missing the bus back (as walking would get you there for 8:45 and currently you get there c.8:55)? It's one extra mile for you, which should be achievable.

Can your boys scoot?

The school has to hold the line for on-time arrival, hard though that seems from your pov.

*rain covers, sorry

you are being unreasonable.
I know people who lived further away from school than you , and walked there and back with similar aged kids for three lots of school runs.

I think a couple of people aren't paying attention to the fact that she has a child that cannot walk, please bear that in mind when offering solutions.

Sorry, how would you miss the bus back from walking in the morning when will be there earlier than usual?

YABU. and lazy.

Get them walking or get an earlier bus. The school can't change the rules just for you

Does your younger ds have a statement? Worth asking for transport as part of this, if he does?

I don't think you're BU but it is difficult for both sides. School need to make accommodations for your younger ds given the circumstances, so should be able to be flexible, but of course that affects their attendance stats (which usually bothers schools a lot), and your older ds. Is your older one able to walk himself?

I spend 3 hours a day walking to and from school. So does my 3 yr old.

YABU

How old is your youngest? He is entitled to full time education once he has reached reception age, although does not have to attend full time at this age. So you must agree to him attending part time IYSWIM, if the school will not let him attend full time this is disability discrimination.

Are you happy with him attending school part time, is it right for your child? Once he attends full time, this will cut out some of your journeys.

For heaven's sake! They're missing early class make work and are 5 minutes late for Registration. Other alternative is for the OP to pretty much spend her day travelling with her DC, one of whom has SN so probably wouldn't cope well - especially in all weathers. So she would get nothing else done, and I'm sure she has more than enough on her plate.

And as to the poster who suggested moving - do you really think that's a straightforward, affordable suggestion? If it was I would think the OP might have already done that!

The HT is only bothered because the late mark shows on her figures.
Can you have a word with the LA and see if they have any suggestions to help you?

Can't walk independently does not mean cannot walk at all, Glistens, OP doesn't say that he is wheelchair bound.

Why would walking to school in the morning mean you have to walk for the other two journeys? Is it not possible to walk there and back in the morning, so you're not late, but get the bus at lunchtime and the end of the school day, when it seems to be less of a problem for you?

You cant be late every day its not fair on your children or the classes they disrupt.

Does your child that cannot walk have a good enough wheelchair for you to push him? I do just over 6 miles a day, not great in the bad weather but manageable.

If he has a genuine condition that stops him walking to school, then he should be offered a taxi?

It doesn't matter who thinks its unreasonable, you need to come to an agreement with the school and/or local authority. What have you done to sort this out so far? Have you seen the Head, family liaison officer, local authority Educational Welfare officer? I would also ask for support from your local Parent Partnership office.

If you haven't done this then you are quite some way from a resolution so I'd get on to it, also investigate the suggestions above about the Maclaren major.

At our school our family team staff actually go out in their cars and get children themselves if nothing else works; they do this for children whose parents don't bother to get out of bed, or for parents who are disabled etc., the school wants children to attend and do well that includes being on time if possible. (Or rather that's what the school should want). So anyway, maybe AIBU not best place to ask the question, but lots of things for you to investigate, hope it works out.

OP how would your younger DS cope with getting the earlier bus and being 50 minutes early (assuming you stay with them)?

Absolutely Peppi, but I'm the mother of a child who also cannot walk independently and has ASD, and yet isn't continuously wheelchair bound.

In my experience of living with this I can tell you I would never get him to school on time without very much needed aid, be that transport or a major or wheelchair.

I think people are being somewhat harsh calling her lazy under the circs, being late isn't a feasible option, and it isn't something I'd do, but if her child cannot walk to school, then some sensible suggestions would be more helpful than some posts simply calling her lazy.

By the way, before anyone starts, I'm only mentioned parents who don't get out of bed and disabled parents in the same sentence as what I am saying is that the school will help anyone in any way they can as the children's welfare is their priority. Badly put - sorry!

I understand where you're coming from, but really it's your responsibility to get to school on time. They should really be getting the earlier bus, even if it does mean they're a fair bit early. Is there a reason why they can't get the earlier bus?

When I was at secondary school, I would always arrive about half an hour early because if I'd got the later bus, I'd be late. Not a big deal though. I just used to get breakfast from the bakery opposite and then go to the library.

In my school as well we had a policy that if you were late three times, you were given detention. If you continued to be late afterwards, you would be taught in isolation for a week. I'd be surprised if other schools didn't/don't do something similar.

YABU I'm afraid.

Problem is there is nothing around the school at all, we live in quite a rural area & the school is just that, nothing else near it.

It's only a mile one way but it would be walk to school, walk home, walk to school, walk home, walk to school, walk home - I literally have half an hour between getting home from 2nd school run before I have to go out again for the third!

Can't move closer, there are no houses near the school it is up a big hill down a country lane - actually in the process of moving as it is and cannot find any suitable houses let alone any closer!

Have recently split with DH and consequently have had to give up my job so really can't afford endless taxis or breakfast club - I can't even drop them off at breakfast club as the 1:1 for my son doesn't start until 8.45 so I have to pay £5.40 a day to sit and watch them eat toast :/ Don't think it's very fair to take them in early but say they can't go to breakfast club!

They are 6&5, both weighing over 3 stone each and the way to school is entirely uphill - I can't do it on a bike I have tried!

Ds 2 does have a mcclaren major but that just means I have to push him uphill & he is heavy!

No medical conditions on my part but given that I often do 3x school runs a day on very little sleep (due to ds2 's sleep problems) I am often exhausted so this is a long way for me to manage and means I have virtually no time to do anything else with my day except walk to school & back

I understand how overwhelming this can all seem and I absolutely understand if you have a system worked out the idea of changing it seems huge, not to mention the change of routine to a child with ASD - BUT, (and it's a big but) you have a responsibility to get your children to school on time and I don't think the school are being unreasonable in expecting that from you. Coming in late disrupts the entire class, creates extra work for the office staff who have to log late arrivals every day, and teaches your children that they are above the rules, which can have a knock-on effect in so many other areas both within and outwith school.

'just over a mile' really isn't that far - put your youngest in a buggy if you have to, allow your older DS to scoot (it's much quicker!), use reins if a buggy isn't an option. You say your youngest can't walk independently - what does that mean exactly? I think some people are maybe reading it as he can't walk, but I read it that he can't walk without supervision/assistance with reins etc... - please do correct me if I've got that wrong.

It will seem like a huge deal when you start to make the change - esp in winter, but soon enough you'll get into a new routine. Play games enroute to make the journey go quicker - I spy, counting different colours of cars - whatever!

I do feel for you - where we lived before I felt like I was on a permanent school run with drop offs at 9am and 12.30pm and then pick ups at 2.45pm and 3.15pm. My DTs were 1 the year I had to do this and we lived just over 2 miles from the school so it felt like they were either in the buggy or the car pretty much all day long and I was forever looking at the clock. It sucks - I get that, but it's life and it has to be done. It won't last forever - presumably your youngest DS will be full time from next year and then it'll just be there and back twice rather than 3 times a day.