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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school?

235 replies

extremepie · 06/11/2013 12:58

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 06/11/2013 13:37

I do understand extreme, I really do, my DS is very heavy too, I have back probs from pushing him everywhere!

Is he statemented? LA Transport provision can then be looked into?

WhatTheFoxSays · 06/11/2013 13:38

They're at primary school? Thought they were at secondary school for some reason. I know my primary school actually wasn't fussed about lateness so this wouldn't have bothered them too much.

Is it compulsory to use the breakfast club if you're early?

Farewelltoarms · 06/11/2013 13:39

But surely you don't need to walk there and back three times, just to the school in the morning to get there on time and then do whatever you usually do for the other five journeys?

Can your son manage full days? Or is there a plan for this to happen? Can your ex help at all?

I just see such a marked and striking correlation between achievement and attendance/punctuality in my children's school. I think it works on a deeper level.

GreenShadow · 06/11/2013 13:41

I'm afraid you definitely need to look at walking in the morning, even if you then bus every other time. Just think of the money you would save.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 13:43

Is your ds part time at school for the foreseeable future? Is there an option for him to go full time?

I feel for you it's a really difficult situation I think you need to make some enquiries with services that can help you.

NationMcKinley · 06/11/2013 13:44

Wow, sounds like you have loads on your plate, extremepie, well done on keeping it all together. It seems like such a shame the bus gets you to school just a few minutes late. I was wondering (and I have no first hand knowledge of this, it's just a thought) if you'd qualify for some sort of transport allowance given the ASD issues and everything else? Do you get DLA for DS2? Maybe this would be something worth exploring? Apologies if this isn't helpful or if it's already been mentioned. Didn't want to read and run

homeworkmakesmemad · 06/11/2013 13:44

(and I totally get the pushing extra weight thing! My DTs are now 3 and I still have to push them in the double buggy when I am walking long distances (4-5 miles+) and I know how heavy they are so I do understand that! it sucks too!) Hope you get it resolved soon

Original poster
extremepie · 06/11/2013 13:47

Also, I know that ds2 's pushchair can have a raincover but he won't use it he just pushes it up over himself so when it's raining he gets soaked!

There is not a great deal of time between to bus to & from the school so if I walk them in by the time I have handed them over and got them settled I have usually missed the bus - it's hard to explain but very often that is how it is, especially when the classroom doors aren't open if you do get there early!

DS2 is very impatient, no way would he be ok with sitting in his pushchair until lessons start if we got there 50 mins early, most likely he would be screaming & having a meltdown before school started.

He has a statement, transport is on there but as yet nothing has happened with it, DS1 is too little to walk on his own the school won't let him even if I did :(

He is on part time days because currently neither he or the school staff can cope with full days so he has some sort of exemption and are in the process of applying for a special needs school

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 06/11/2013 13:49

This sounds really hard for you.

I wonder if there's financial help available for breakfast club?

AllThatGlistens · 06/11/2013 13:51

Oh extreme Sad

If he is statemented and has transport on it, then you absolutely have the right to start making very loud noises, they should not be hanging back with this! Shock

Do you have a good Senco or Parent Partnership Advocate that can flag this for you?

SpockSmashesScissors · 06/11/2013 13:54

At our school, children on free school meals get the breakfast club free, is that an option?

Otherwise you will have to walk in the morning and then bus for the other journeys, I do know what it's like with 3 school runs a day, it does take over your life, it's not forever, but will have to be your priority for now.

efeslight · 06/11/2013 13:54

difficult situation, can you learn to drive on an intensive course? could you afford to run a car, and would you be able to claim any running costs for the transport of your son?

5madthings · 06/11/2013 13:55

So he is entitled to transport?

Absolutely get on the case with this.

nilbyname · 06/11/2013 13:56

If you are present for breakfast club, could they give it to you at a discounted rate, and you will be the 1-2-1 adult for your DS?

Have you asked around for a lift share? Was thinking your eldest who is not statemented and on full days could get a lift to school in the mornings only, leaving you to just do one drop off and one double collect?

Sounds miserable your current situation, I feel for you.

Different school??

5madthings · 06/11/2013 13:56

What about your ex? I am assuming he won't step up and help you out? :(

shitonit · 06/11/2013 13:57

I feel for you with your situation with ds2 but I think yabu. With school and nursery runs I walk 6 miles it can be done.

Your children being late everyday with be disrupting their class.

goldierocks · 06/11/2013 13:58

I know every situation is different, but to add a similar example in my family....

My mum looks after my sister's children while she works. All three attended the same primary, 4 years in between each child. The youngest was in a buggy while the older two were at school, now just the younger two are at primary.

She walks them 1.2 miles in the morning, then home.
She's a midday assistant in the same school, so walks back to school and home again at lunchtime.
She then goes to collect the children at hometime.
Total = 7.2 miles per day, and my mum is in her mid 60's.
She's never been late.

She's also incredibly fit and has an amazing figure! I think being so active has benefitted both her and the children.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 06/11/2013 13:59

I'm not getting why you couldn't walk in the morning and then do the rest by bus.

Its only the morning when there's a problem and if you have a Mclaren major already then he would be in time for school, rather then very early. The rest is all bus.

How you can get them into school on time, but miss the bus, but catch it if you'd arrive 10-15 mins later is beyond me.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 06/11/2013 13:59

Sorry, I meant catch it on the return.

And I do appreciate your issue. I have a DC with ASD and I don't drive.

bonkersLFDT20 · 06/11/2013 14:00

I am usually in the "sorry, you have to get them to school on time" camp, but from what you've written it seems reasonable that the school could give you some leeway until the transport issue is resolved.

Could the people who issue the statement (sorry, I have no experience in these matters) talk to the school? There are sound reasons why you can't walk or cycle.

SkullyAndBones · 06/11/2013 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofweeboys · 06/11/2013 14:20

Hi

Is it not possible to get the bus for some of the trips like the lunch time and 3 pickup at least one way?

I would ask for a meeting with the head and go armed with some suggestions how you can solve the issue, show you are keen to get your dc's in on time.

If you can't walk in the morning I would be getting the earlier bus. I would be asking the school if you have to pay for breakfast club since your sitting there with them anyway - perhaps you could take them some snacks to have instead? Ask them if there is a place you can wait until school starts?

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 14:24

If transport is on his statement and nothing is happening please get in touch with IPSEA who can advise you on getting this sorted. Their phone lines can be hard to get through on but you can also email them.

bialystockandbloom · 06/11/2013 14:27

Definitely get on the case re the transport! They have the duty to take him back and forwards to school around his hours, so you would only have to do the walk twice a day with your older ds (at normal school hours), as if ds2's transport was sorted, they could pick him up and drop him back at the specified hours.

Speak to the senco to give them a boot up the arse

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 06/11/2013 14:29

Sounds quite hard. And complicated.

BIL lives in a rural bit of England and while one mile is a short distance on a pavement in town, I would not risk my DCs lives there on a daily basis. The drivers go far too fast and there is no pavement. I witnessed a crash my last outing there in October, it was not nice. With shorter days and wet conditions, it is even scarier.

Could you put an ad at school offering cash towards petrol? Talk to anyone you can? I know it must be humiliating to have to ask everyone but there may be a solution.
Have you contacted the bus service? There may be special services available for your circumstances?