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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the school?

235 replies

extremepie · 06/11/2013 12:58

I have 2 ds's who attend the same school just over a mile from our house.

Since the start of school the head has been moaning at me about the kids coming into school late - to be fair they are late most days but I have explained the reasons why several times to the head as follows:

I don't drive and rely on the bus which arrives at the school between 8.50-8.55, school starts at 8.45 so not a huge difference and obviously I can't control the bus times

The bus only runs once an hour so my only other option would be to take the boys in early for breakfast club - except for the fact that it costs £5.40 a day for breakfast club & I can't afford this

I have no friends or family who can give me a lift

My youngest has asd and cannot walk independently, he also doesn't attend school for full days meaning I have to do 3 school runs a day, 8.45, 1.30 & 3.15. If i walk to school in the morning I miss the bus back, then I have to walk up again at half one meaning I normally would have to walk between 5 and 6 miles a day just to take them to school & back!

I can't afford taxis every day

Knowing all these circumstances AIBU to take them to school 5-10 mind late everyday and expect the school to be a little more understanding?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/11/2013 14:37

I'm not understanding why you keep insisting it's 6 walking journeys. Surely it's 1, the first one only to get them there on time?

Laurel1979 · 06/11/2013 14:38

If your child cannot walk independently, have you applied for low rate DLA mobility? Surely this would help a little with transport costs?

AbiRoad · 06/11/2013 14:40

Currnetly, do you get the bus in the morning to get to school and walk all other journeys, or do you use the bus for all/ more than one journey? That seems to be causing confusion.

Weller · 06/11/2013 14:43

Speak to social services they can fund breakfast clubs and the 1:1, you have to fight for it but it can be done. Even with transport if they pick up your DS you are still going to be in difficulties getting your other dc to school whilst waiting for taxi.

thistlelicker · 06/11/2013 14:48

Asd isn't as simple as just getting there early and hanging around for 50 mins! It's routine and structure and a lot of hard work getting things in place so the child can understand what's happening!! People who say the op is lazy clearly don't understand what it's like to have a child with sn!!!

Op sounds like u need to start asking questions with school to get transport arranged!! And well done for keeping it together when ur Chips r down!! Remember the only way is upThanks

AlexaChelsea · 06/11/2013 14:53

You'll get Tax credits for childcare, which would offset the cost of the breakfast club?

Agree that it sounds difficult, but I do think you'll need to work something out. Either walk, or arrange transport.

Oh, and stop walking them in! If the bus is coming, let them walk in themselves and get the bus. I drop DS off on the road, every day, and he crosses at the lollipop person and gets himself into school. I always Hmm at the parents who walk their children in past the gate.

Another thought - could you not drop them off 45 minutes early and they could play in the playground? I realise it's quite a long time, but normally but 20/25 minutes other children start arriving anyway.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 14:54

Good point about DLA. If your aren't already claiming then in sounds like like your son son would certainly be entitled, plus he may be eligible for the mobility rate also. If he does qualify for middle rate dla then you can also claim careers allowance as you are not currently employed (apologies if you are already doing this)

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 14:57

Alexa the suggestion of "stop walking them in" is really stupid given that one of them is a five year old with Autism, who has a statement and only attends school part time.

I wouldn't allow my 5 year old who also has autism to cross the road and take himself into school, chances are he'd walk straight out the other gate and keep on going.

sashh · 06/11/2013 14:58

YABU to expect the school to allow two children to be late every day.

YADNBU to think the school should work with you to find a solution.

If this is a finite problem and transport is going to kick in for a while then it's possible the PTA or some other funding could pay for breakfast club.

Would you be happy for a shout out to be put in the school newsletter or other communication for a lift with one or more journeys.

Does your DH drive? Just because you have separated does not stop him being a father and helping get them to school, whether that is physically taking them, paying for breakfast club or paying for a taxi.

thistlelicker · 06/11/2013 15:02

Alexa have u actually read the post properly? Do u know what asd is?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/11/2013 15:04

I personally would not be happy letting a 5 and 6 year old walk across the road and into school by themselves while I got on the bus.
And the OP has already explained that one of her children has additional needs so I doubt that solution is going to work?

I would say if transport is mentioned on the statement, that might be a good place to start, I gather it is a bloody long fight trying to actually get it to happen though.

Maybe if you arrange a meeting with the school, and try and make them understand how difficult this is at the moment they may have some suggestions or at least agree to a degree of flexibility whilst you try and sort things out?

InMySpareTime · 06/11/2013 15:08

Would it be easier if your younger DS attended school for afternoons instead of mornings? Then you'd have the option of finding someone to watch him for 30 minutes while you do the morning school run, and you could take a more convenient bus in at lunchtime with the younger one.
I hope you get it sorted soon.

EatenByZombies · 06/11/2013 15:25

YABU.
If the bus got in at 8.40 but was sometimes late I could kindof understand your point, being that there is some allowance, but the bus being due after class has started is a whole nother thing.
What's the point in having a start time if it's then allowed to be circumvented like this? Hmm

1 mile isn't very far at all, I know people in similar situations to previous posters who have to walk 3 or 4 miles each way with very small children. They manage. So can you. Your first step should be "what can I change" not "what can the school change".

To those posters saying the HT only cares because of records, think again. As a teacher I can tell you all now it's annoying as anything to have kids turn up late. One or two being late now and then I can understand but the same kids doing it every single day is taking the piss. It's not about attendance records - it disturbs other children (and the teacher) and is often more disruptive than you think.

Let me break it down;
8.45 - class starts.
8.55 - kids arriving
+5 mins - hanging up coats, getting books and stuff out etc
+5 mins - kids chatting
+5 mins - repeating explaining any important stuff they missed

So your children being 5-10 minutes late is not wasting 5-10 minutes of the teacher's time, it's wasting up to 20 minutes and making everything late.

Students being constantly late to class is a pain in the hole and disrespectful to everyone . If you're not happy with the start time, home school them.

lljkk · 06/11/2013 15:26

I know people who walk 5-6 miles/day on school run. With a multitude of small children, buggies and all. Year round all weathers for over a decade in one case. Not superfit, either. It doesn't seem so freaky to me. Needs must and all.

I think must prioritise getting the drop off on time.

Original poster
extremepie · 06/11/2013 15:32

Inmysparetime unfortunately he can't go in the afternoon, I don't get to choose what times he goes (like you would in, say, nursery) the school sets it based on when they have the staff for his 1:1 - also I have no one who can watch them for me :(

Can't remember who asked but he is receiving DLA (care & mobility) but currently I have just had a massive reduction in my HB payments to pay back an overpayment so gone from 500 to 200 a month and my rent is 800 so it all goes on paying the rent. God knows how I'm going to pay my bills :( caters allowance was in my ex's name and hasn't been transferred yet but it will soon hopefully!

ExH has moved 400 miles away so is not in a position to help at all, has no job at the moment so I get no money from him either :(

I have to walk up at the 1.30 pick up time because the bus only comes once an hour so I would either be very late or very early - I can get the bus to get to school for 3.15 but have to walk back so currently it's: bus, bus/walk back (depending on how quick I get them into school), walk, walk back, bus, walk back. So it's 2/3 bus journeys and 3/4 walks.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 06/11/2013 15:35

Is there a nearer school to you OP, it seems a long way to go?

kilmuir · 06/11/2013 15:38

So about an hour a week. Walk it

AlexaChelsea · 06/11/2013 15:39

Yes Hmm

My sister is Autistic and was always fine going into school, as she was with me (or sometimes friends we walked with).

Sorry if this isn't a suitable suggestion for your DS. It was only a suggestion.

Wouldn't tax credits cover your childcare, if they went to breakfast club though?

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 06/11/2013 15:41

Ok, that sounds quite tough! In such special circumstances, you should be able to negotiate coming in 10 mins later every day.

My Nephew is autistic, and dB had to fight a long fight to get him into special school (including taxi service) paid by the LEA. It is a weight of their shoulders, they had to threaten to sue the LeA to achieve this though. Great news you have a statement already, but is he learning enough if he misses half the day? This could help your case for special schools ( if that is what you want).

Good luck, hope school gives you a break. Maybe they can link it to your son's SN ( nephew always came 10 mins late to school to avoid the playground bustle).

thistlelicker · 06/11/2013 15:43

Different levels on the spectrum require different support

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 06/11/2013 15:43

Tbf, people on here could cut you some slack! Maybe.

Try walking a mile....and all that. Especially apt ;)

tethersend · 06/11/2013 15:43

Hang on- the LEA has a legal responsibility to provide full time education for every child of statutory school age.

If it has been deemed unsuitable for your son to attend mainstream school full time, then they need to put alternative provision in place; they cannot simply send him home.

It sounds like there are some big issues here- yes, being late is not ideal, but I'm more concerned about the school/LEA not providing your DS with his educational entitlement.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 15:44

Ok I think you really need some legal advice about his statement, transport and the school setting him on a part time timetable. You could post in the special needs children's section on here for more advice (and less stupid comments from goady aibu dwellers)

Push for the careers allowance to be transferred ASAP too.

tethersend · 06/11/2013 15:45

Just seen this:

"Inmysparetime unfortunately he can't go in the afternoon, I don't get to choose what times he goes (like you would in, say, nursery) the school sets it based on when they have the staff for his 1:1 - also I have no one who can watch them for me"

Sod being late- the school is acting illegally.

tethersend · 06/11/2013 15:46

Part time timetables are illegal unless in exceptional circumstances and as part of a reintegration plan.

Every child has a right to a full time education.