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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who WBU? Mortifying train incident.

420 replies

MikeReepySpooksard · 03/11/2013 17:18

Ds, 15 months, has an unfortunate hair pulling habit. Today on the train he got hold of the hair of the teenage girl sitting in the seat behind his and yanked it. She screamed 'get the fuck off me' and glared at him. She kept turning round and glaring at him the rest of the journey.

OP posts:
blueemerald · 04/11/2013 01:21

The apology wouldn't be on behalf of the baby; it would be on account of not paying enough attention to your hair pulling child/allowing your hair pulling child to stand on his seat where he could reach someone's hair. I know accidents happen (I refer again to the fact that the teenagers I worked with with special needs occasionally shouted at or slapped strangers) but you can still apologise for them. I used I apologise, was I apologising on behalf of those teenagers? Hell no, I was apologising for my lack of action.

reelingintheyears · 04/11/2013 01:32

blueemerald is quite right, you apologise for your lack of attention, it wasn't the childs fault, it was your fault for not supervising properly.
Or of course, in this instance, your DHs fault.

Heyho.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 02:49

Sorry I am confused, OP did the teenager have her hair pulled then

  1. Turn around
  1. See it was a baby that had pulled her hair
  1. Then swear at the baby?

Or did you ds pull her hair

  1. she swore
  1. THEN see it was a baby and then continue to give dirty looks?

In the second scenario your dh was perfectly lucky to only get dirty looks for not explaining and apologizing.

If it was the first scenario, I'd think the teenager was total shit. I'd have certainly not apologized but would have told her to fucking calm down.

Tikkamasala · 04/11/2013 03:21

Gobsmacked that you and your DH thinks the girl is unreasonable even though he didn't apologise.

The H was vvvvvvu for not apologising, can't stand indulgent parents who think their children should get away with being total nuisances to others and everyone else should just smile and take it. Your child physically hurt someone because you and your h were letting him stand up and interfere with other passengers, no wonder people were less than impressed.

differentnameforthis · 04/11/2013 04:34

If that set her off then she's obviously being a knob Nice. So your toddler pulls someone's hair, and they are a knob because they object?

but as it stands, she is the wronged party Yes she is! And by your admission you weren't there, so you have no idea how many time he got her hair before she reacted. She may have been aware that he was a child when she turned around, but was she aware before that?

bragmatic · 04/11/2013 05:45

Reading this makes me want to pull out my own hair.

LackingEnergy · 04/11/2013 06:13

FFS I've seen 2 year olds who swear worse than that teenager and they're not being mauled on a train.

I'd shout out and use swear words if my hair was grabbed anywhere not just on a train. If the culprit happened to be a brat instead of an adult an apology for language would only be made if the parent apologised for the mauling my poor hair suffered not to mention the probability that said brats hand was sticky

If parent didn't apologise I'd probably end up loudly saying that my hair is not a toy for you to play with (giving parent a chance to correct situation if they haven't yet noticed though if they hadn't noticed I'd think less of them and wouldn't bother apologising for my own language). Followed by my best don't you dare do it again glare while muttering about ineffective parents.

Teenager- so not being unreasonable
Op- apparently wasn't there so nbu
Ops DH- WBVU
Child- should have been supervised/ entertained. It wasn't an accident since he's a known hair puller

HTH :-)

TheSkiingGardener · 04/11/2013 06:16

Good grief, what a load of sanctimonious numpties I this thread.

You weren't there. Nobody on this thread was there when the incident occurred, so stop asserting that X thought this or Y thought that.

Shame it happened op, sounds like just one of those things when intentions and actions get a bit mixed up.

2tiredtoScare · 04/11/2013 13:29

It is knobbish to check turning round and giving dirty looks if that is what happened, if someone pulled my hair I'd probably swear as well but upon discovering it was a toddler (assuming they didn't do it again) I'd leave it at that

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 13:52

I think the dirty looks were at who hadn't bothered to apologize. If he had and then she continued to give dirty looks it would be a bit pathetic I agree

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 13:52

were at the husband

MaidOfStars · 04/11/2013 14:00

In the girl's position, I would have squeaked in surprise and ducked away (I don't have a very sensitive scalp so hair-pulling doesn't actually hurt me too much) and turned around to see what was going on.

There is no way on this planet I would have said "Get the fuck off me" to a toddler (and I'm a pretty sweary person). I might have tried, awkwardly, to say "Ouchy, that's not a nice thing to do to people", and then got a bit embarrassed because I'd be telling someone's child off and that's not right, and then I'd have blushed and got tongue-tied, and then I'd have gazed out of the window for the rest of journey, bemoaning my inability to talk to a toddler Smile.

I definitely would have expected an apology from the parent though. How is it not natural to say "Oh golly, sorry about that"?

2tiredtoScare · 04/11/2013 14:09

I think he shouldve apologised but not everyone is used to people swearing like that and could be taken aback

scottishegg · 04/11/2013 14:34

Feel some of the comments you are getting are harsh and I'm not one for allowing my kids to get away with anything. The child is question is not much more than a baby and at that age they don't think, yes the child should have been told not to do it and discouraged from doing it but at the end of the day the girl should not have sworn at a baby like that, yes it may have been a shock and it possibly hurt like hell but still if my daughter swore at a baby like that then she would have been the one reprimanded not the child!!!!

squeakytoy · 04/11/2013 15:37

just read through all of this and am pissing myself laughing at so much of the claptrap..

there is no way on earth that this girl could not have known there was a toddler behind her already on this trip... toddlers make plenty of noise.. as do their parents usually trying to entertain them or shut them up..

if I was that girl and my hair was suddenly yanked, my immediate thought would be that it was the toddler who I knew full well was in the seats behind me, and I would probably yell out, however I would not shout "get the fuck off me"... there was no need to be foul mouthed to a parent and child..

the father should have been supervising the toddler more, and most certainly should have immediately apologised for not keeping his child under better control

KellyElly · 04/11/2013 16:29

When I get kicked in the back of my seat on a train journey I assume it's a kid - in fact I don't assume, I know because they are pretty noisy therefore I am aware they are behind me. Has MN entered the twilight zone or something? There is some crazy shit on this thread.

HaroldLloyd · 04/11/2013 16:38

I was beginning to think I was on my own here. Grin

fivefourthreetwoone · 04/11/2013 17:01

She was probably in her own little world, like most teenagers when they're riding on public transport and likely wasn't paying attention to who was around her.

Even if she had noticed, she cried out instinctively without thinking when her hair was pulled. Do people not know what an instinctive reaction is?

HaroldLloyd · 04/11/2013 17:13

You have a fixed imaginary scenario in you head and you will not deviate from it. So it's pointless!

fivefourthreetwoone · 04/11/2013 17:17

You mean like everybody else in this thread has done, including yourself?

judgejudithjudy · 04/11/2013 17:18

yabu & a knob!

HowlingTrap · 04/11/2013 17:23

I think people are forgetting if the toddlers anything like my youngests is 'a diver' and reactions aren't always fast enough.
But I would have apologized profusely, although she does actually sound mental , and no....most 15 year olds wouldn't react like.
I would have been forced to say something on the repeated turning around and glaring, eliciting a hostile response to a toddler for a long period of time sounds like she's maybe a bit unhinged anyway.

HowlingTrap · 04/11/2013 17:25

This, with the added comment that a teenage girl would not have the grace and ability

^^ only very socially inept ones, I get the initial swear/scream etc but the repeated glaring is worrying.

Madamecastafiore · 04/11/2013 17:27

Please stop using the word 'mental' to describe behaviour like this young lady exhibited.

HowlingTrap · 04/11/2013 17:28

why not? the initial reaction understandable, the after bit not so much.

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