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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop MIL having DD? extremely long

131 replies

Insanityismymiddlename · 31/10/2013 12:05

MIL thread I'm afraid.

I am so fucked off with my MIL but will start at beginning so not to drip feed.

My MIL and I never saw eye to eye until I was around 6mths pregnant when all of a sudden things changed and she started being nice to me, eventually became to trust her and made an effort.

DD is 8 weeks old, I went back to work 4 weeks ago as didn't qualify for maternity, childcare sorted with DP.
MIL asked to have her that one night I worked and I said ok and we will drop her off on the way, but no MIL wanted to pick her up earlier to spend time with her, ok so agreed that she would pick up DD 5pm and I can't do earlier due to other DCs and our family life.

After the first week MIL started calling asking to pick her up earlier and I said NO to which she still turned up let it go but then started to be a weekly thing that she wants DD earlier.

MIL couldn't have her the night as planned this week as DD had her jabs and I took the night off, as DD was better I offered MIL to have her for a bit yesterday which then by MIL was turned into a sleepover, meaning me and DP could have a night to ourselves which was lovely, MIL said she will need to drop her off by 9.30 am as she had a routine hospital trip with her DM, no problem we will be back and my sister will be here anyway as she wants to see DD.

Come home this morning after getting up at the crack of dawn so we will be home in time, 9.30 comes and goes so ring MIL to find out how late she was running.
MIL decided to take DD to the hospital with her, has not asked us or even told us and I am fuming, I agreed MIL could have her but told her my sister was here to see DD and she took her anyway.

I haven't seen DD in over 24hrs and I want my baby back, I trusted MIL enough to look after her for a little while but now she is taking the piss, I am furious.

MIL only has DD because she wants her, not because I need her help, she always offers and is not asked.

Surely taking DD away from her parents for a lot longer than what was agreed without a word is a good enough reason to put my foot down and say no you can't have her, AIBU?

As a side note MIL knew I didn't want DD going to the hospital as she isn't vaccinated and it is my decision, she was specifically told this as I had to find childcare for her when DS stuck a button up his nose and didn't want such a young vunerable baby stuck in a waiting room with possibly very sick people.

OP posts:
Quoteunquote · 31/10/2013 12:08

Use different childcare.

nocarsgo · 31/10/2013 12:08

Your eight week old isn't a toy to be handed over to MIL whenever she wants. I would be apoplectic. Is there any way you can go to where MIL is and get your DD back, instead of sitting at home waiting for her?

Original poster
Insanityismymiddlename · 31/10/2013 12:10

Really? I didn't ask her for childcare, Her dad is more than happy to have her but MIL insisted.

I know she isn't a fucking toy, I was trying to let her have a relationship with her Grandchild before she started calling all the shots!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Insanityismymiddlename · 31/10/2013 12:14

So sorry misread, really upset, can't go amd get her as no idea which hospital and mil isnt answering calls or texts

OP posts:
MrTumblesKnickers · 31/10/2013 12:17

That would be the end of overnights for me I'm afraid.

Original poster
Insanityismymiddlename · 31/10/2013 12:20

I just wanted my baby back, I have PND so did welcome the idea of the break and stupidly accepted the offer, wish I hadn't can't get hold of her she is 3 hrs late and I don't know whats happening.

OP posts:
FoxyRevenger · 31/10/2013 12:21

That's awful. She's 8 weeks old, even 8 months and that would be beyond pushing it.

YOU are in charge of what happens from now on, she needs to know that.

What a nasty cow.

Xmasbaby11 · 31/10/2013 12:24

You must be in bits. I wouldn't let MIL have DD on her own again. She cannot be trusted.

nocarsgo · 31/10/2013 12:24

Wasn't criticising YOU re. the toy comment OP, I was criticising your MIL.

RandomMess · 31/10/2013 12:25

I would stop the overnights, YANBU

LovesBeingHereAgain · 31/10/2013 12:25

No not wrong you have to be able to trust her is she's having and this would be a major breakdown in trust

NotYoMomma · 31/10/2013 12:27

I would make sure dh and you agree on this before confrontation, she may try to play victim and heneeds to back you up

but no, she would NOT be having heralone again

yanbu

creepypenisreaper · 31/10/2013 12:28

You do what you think is right by you and your child, and if that includes telling her to back off, so be it. If she has anything to say about it, just remind her of a little thing called cause and effect... 'You took my child to the hospital without my permission, now you can't be trusted with her.'

EldritchCleavage · 31/10/2013 12:30

Well, at the very least you need to have a serious conversation with her about trust, boundaries, and communicating about arrangements.

Ruffcat · 31/10/2013 12:32

Do aswell as not bring her back, she's not answering her phone?

When was the last time you spoke to her. Has she spoken to you or dh this morning

Original poster
Insanityismymiddlename · 31/10/2013 12:33

DP is as fuming as I am, MIL is now bringing her back but kicked off denying we said anything about having her back at 9.30 which was what she said in the first place, I heard the phone call between DP and her and him telling her my sister was going to be here to see DD.

Going to scream in the garden for 5 mins to calm down as I am not having an arguement in front of DD.

OP posts:
Thumbfuckerwitch · 31/10/2013 12:36

No more overnights then, and no more autonomy for her picking up/ dropping off your baby. IF she gets to see her at all, it will be on YOUR terms - that's if you even want her to have sole care of your DD at any point in the near future (I wouldn't).

So very sorry for you - I'd be in complete bits by now in your situation, it's utterly cruel to do this to a mum and her new baby, especially if you have PND to contend with as well. Hope she comes back VERY soon.

WillYouDoTheMonsterMash · 31/10/2013 12:37

It'd be visits we me/DP there only from now on for me OP. I'm glad she's on her way back.

mumaa · 31/10/2013 12:37

YANBU!!

she is bang out of order, i wouldn't let her take my DD again, its very strange! she knew your DS was coming and has deliberately gone against your wishes by taking her to a hospital when she knows your feelings on this before DD is vaccinated.

where is your DP, can he try to get in touch with her? this is just awful, forget who it is, taking someones child and keeping them longer than agreed AND refusing to answer your phone, i fail to see what she is trying to achieve other than to greatly upset you! So sorry, hope you get your DD back soon, just awful

mumaa · 31/10/2013 12:38

Just read update, OMG she is taking the p!ss

MommyBird · 31/10/2013 12:39

She sounds like a cruel woman doing that to a new mom who has PND. You must of been in bits.
And the fact she then denied it!! Shock

I wouldn't let her anywhere near her unsupervised.
Once that trust is broken you can never get it back.

intitgrand · 31/10/2013 12:42

she is too young to be having overnights at a few weeks old ! what are you thinking of!!

EldritchCleavage · 31/10/2013 12:44

I thought that. When I told my mother the number of grandparents on MN agitating to have even tiny babies overnight she thought it was most odd. She's right, too.

Thumbfuckerwitch · 31/10/2013 12:46

Please note that the OP has PND. She thought that the overnight might give her a break and help her PND. Clearly this didn't work out well for her but please don't give her more grief about it.

JohnnyBarthes · 31/10/2013 12:46

She is NOT to young if needs must. The OP has done nothing wrong.

Your MIL is strange. I would cease sole charge pronto.

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