to stop MIL having DD? extremely long

[Insanityismymiddlename]

MIL thread I'm afraid.

I am so fucked off with my MIL but will start at beginning so not to drip feed.

My MIL and I never saw eye to eye until I was around 6mths pregnant when all of a sudden things changed and she started being nice to me, eventually became to trust her and made an effort.

DD is 8 weeks old, I went back to work 4 weeks ago as didn't qualify for maternity, childcare sorted with DP.
MIL asked to have her that one night I worked and I said ok and we will drop her off on the way, but no MIL wanted to pick her up earlier to spend time with her, ok so agreed that she would pick up DD 5pm and I can't do earlier due to other DCs and our family life.

After the first week MIL started calling asking to pick her up earlier and I said NO to which she still turned up let it go but then started to be a weekly thing that she wants DD earlier.

MIL couldn't have her the night as planned this week as DD had her jabs and I took the night off, as DD was better I offered MIL to have her for a bit yesterday which then by MIL was turned into a sleepover, meaning me and DP could have a night to ourselves which was lovely, MIL said she will need to drop her off by 9.30 am as she had a routine hospital trip with her DM, no problem we will be back and my sister will be here anyway as she wants to see DD.

Come home this morning after getting up at the crack of dawn so we will be home in time, 9.30 comes and goes so ring MIL to find out how late she was running.
MIL decided to take DD to the hospital with her, has not asked us or even told us and I am fuming, I agreed MIL could have her but told her my sister was here to see DD and she took her anyway.

I haven't seen DD in over 24hrs and I want my baby back, I trusted MIL enough to look after her for a little while but now she is taking the piss, I am furious.

MIL only has DD because she wants her, not because I need her help, she always offers and is not asked.

Surely taking DD away from her parents for a lot longer than what was agreed without a word is a good enough reason to put my foot down and say no you can't have her, AIBU?

As a side note MIL knew I didn't want DD going to the hospital as she isn't vaccinated and it is my decision, she was specifically told this as I had to find childcare for her when DS stuck a button up his nose and didn't want such a young vunerable baby stuck in a waiting room with possibly very sick people.

Good idea not telling MIL about the move. Don't even send a postcard. You will only be feeding her drama.

Yanbu

I think you should definitely not leave her with mil again.

Just say that you made a mistake and missed her too much and it won't be happening again until she is much much older. No further discussions thank you.

Continue to organise childcare between dh and yourself so you have 100% control and peace of mind.

Try not to worry about it now, dd is safe and youre back together

Also their attitude is very strange. I have never heard of grandparents having so much time alone with tiny babies!

Surely this sort of thing would only happen in extreme circumstances if the mother/parents were very unwell etc.

Your baby is tiny and should be spending all time her with parents.

So the fact they are getting all angry/demanding about it now is very wrong/controlling.

I would disconnect the phone/put the mobile on silent for a while. If you recognise the number as one of theirs then don't pay attention. If she does anything bad like call social services then they are likely to ring you and not your dp, whereas his cowardly family won't. I completely agree with not even letting them know even when you have moved. If they can't act like rational adults then they don't get treated like it.

But as horrible as it sounds a malicious call to ss may help you. Ss aren't going to be worried about you limiting access to your baby given those incidents, in fact they're likely to tell you that you're doing the right thing. A solicitor demanding access is not going to find your offer of supervised contact unreasonable. Two sets of professionals who will back you up. Then see what dps family say.

God I feel so sorry for you having all this family drama when you have a tiny baby, a job and PND.

Your MIL sounds like someone who is enjoying the sense of power she gets by upsetting you both. Exactly what you don't need.

I agree with the suggestion to put your phones on silent. Disengage for at least a few days. Don't let these nasty people steal any more of your baby joy, or your energy. They have shown you how they treat you at your most vulnerable. Don't give them the opportunity to hurt you again.

Well, afaik contact between GP's and GC is not a legal right. They are given contact by the parents. Normally this is based on trust and mutual respect, unless there is an abuse of the trust as there clearly is here. I doubt that a solicitor would find your offer of supervised contact unreasonable, and I think the fees for a court hearing would put MIL off. She would get nowhere anyway, the judge would rule that you have offered contact and therefore there is no case for a legal contact order. So she and you would have to fork out fees for nothing in the end. And I'm sure that if SS are involved they will see quite clearly that there is no problem with you, what MIL did was essentially kidnap, keeping your baby away from you for so long and maintaining phone silence.

I second the decision to move away. Once you are moved, you can always play it that you were planning on moving after having DD, but hadn't discussed any details until you had them settled (especially as MIL is so controlling, she would never have let you go.)