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AIBU?

fathers access rights? (posting for traffic)

201 replies

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 21:28

namechanged in case friends wife is on here. posting in AIBU for traffic.

basically, my good friend has left his wife, about 4 weeks ago. They have a 1 year old dd. His wife has always been a bit controlling and 'odd', and has slowly driven away the majority of his friends and family over the 4 years they have been together. They had an argument last month and she said some disgusting things about his family, which kind of woke him up to what she was really like.

They split and she is now living at her mothers, with their dd. She has not allowed him to see dd since. Obviously he is totally heartbroken over this, as his daughter is his whole world. He has suggested various things eg, only seeing his daughter in a public place like a cafe/playgym, her supervising them at the house etc, but she is having none of it.

Her latest thing is that 'she is scared to see him', when there is zero history of violence/abuse from him. He is now terrified that she will lie and say he has hurt her or dd in order to stop contact for good.

He has made an appointment with a solicitor for the end of the week, but we just wanted to know, basically, is there any chance that she could keep his dd from him for good? If she lies will they just believe her even if there is no evidence?
She has said she will do everything in her power to make sure he and his family never see dd again, but does she actually have this power?

OP posts:

Report

WithConfidence · 29/10/2013 22:16

Brandybuck, it is not an 'automatic assumption' but something to be bourne in mind. Until I read Bancroft and was involved with Women's Aid myself I also presumed it was more equal and was very shocked to learn it is in fact not. Seriosuly, read one of his books, it is very eye-opening.

FlaseFuckerSpider · 29/10/2013 22:17

Brandybuck, no you are suggesting that, if you read my posts, I have not said that.

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 22:17

sparkly i have only met her parents a couple of times, they just seem to be average people. my friend hasnt said anything negative about them to me. he has said that he thinks she went to her mums so she had childcare (her mum doesnt work)

OP posts:

caruthers · 29/10/2013 22:17

He had better get a check on his emotions if he is off to court, they don't appreciate emotions there and would take a dim view of him hanging around you, with your behaviour, the high level of anger and hatred of the child's Mother

How would a mother feel if a child was taken away from her?

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 29/10/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Sparklysilversequins · 29/10/2013 22:18

Are you just a friend or are you starting a relationship with him OP?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2013 22:18

You think a father can just take a child and deny access from the childs mother

Well that's exactly what the Mother has done and denied access to the Father

FlaseFuckerSpider · 29/10/2013 22:19

Caruthers, It would not matter if it is a Mother or Father, eye brows would be raised.

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 22:20

flase please dont be offended if i ignore you from now on.

OP posts:

Tikkamasala · 29/10/2013 22:20

Some of the responses here are a bit mind boggling.

I don't have experience of this situation but taking the OP at face value I am not sure why people are suggesting the dad is being too angry/over emotional/twisting etc... Obviously we only have one side of the story but no need to assume the man must be the bad guy

I think he needs to seek expert advice from a solicitor who has a good reputation in this area.

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 22:21

sparkly wondered how long that would take. I have my own dp, we are just friends, known him for 10 years, nothing has ever happened.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/10/2013 22:21

Er op I think your friends ex has found you...

You're the ex right flase?

pigletmania · 29/10/2013 22:22

False are you a professional in the field?

SigmundFraude · 29/10/2013 22:22

Worried, you sound like a great friend. Unfortunately, for a whole host of reasons that are out of his control, he is not in a good position. Sorry that that sounds negative, but realistically, given that she is claiming that he was violent..it's going to be very difficult for him to fight this.

His best bet, and it's a long shot I know, is to reach an amicable situation with his ex, and keep things out of court.

caruthers · 29/10/2013 22:22

There really is some great advice on this thread and the father in question would do well to listen to it.

I just hope that the child/parents get all the help they need to resolve this and form good relations for the childs sake.

needaholidaynow · 29/10/2013 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SigmundFraude · 29/10/2013 22:23

Flase sounds like she works for Cafcass.

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 22:25

just out of interest flase what do you mean by 'my behaviour' ?

OP posts:

Sparklysilversequins · 29/10/2013 22:25

Just trying to get a clear picture. No offence intended. I've just have known a few weepy men who lament "that bitch that keeps me from my kids" but never actually do anything concrete about it. I hope he will.

pigletmania · 29/10/2013 22:25

Flase do you work for cafcass?

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/10/2013 22:26

She doesn't sound like any Cafcass employee I've ever met. But meeting them on the job is different to the internet admittedly.

WorriedFriend2013 · 29/10/2013 22:27

ah ok sparkly none taken.

OP posts:

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pigletmania · 29/10/2013 22:27

I was wandering as there is an op on another thread (is this sexual abuse) who might need a cafcass representative

FlaseFuckerSpider · 29/10/2013 22:28

I have to say I have never been so insulted in my life, I do not work for CAFCASS.

pigletmania · 29/10/2013 22:29

Oh ok just asking

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