AIBU to complain about this busdriver? (pushchair related)

[candlelight2012]

Would appreciate some opinions before complaining as I'm unsure whether or not he was correct

There was a mother with two young children, one about 2/3, one about 8/9 months (going by eye) with a buggy in upright position in the buggy spot, and the older child on a seat younger one on her knee.

Bus stopped to change drivers and new driver got on the bus and told the women she had to fold the buggy up and move seats as another buggy was coming on.

The new family, mum dad and baby about 7 months, with downs syndrome got on and waited for the mum to fold the buggy and move.

The mum and passengers were all saying to the bus driver that the new passengers should surely be the ones to fold the buggy as they were coming on second, the driver didn't address anyone apart he mum and started raising his voice and hurrying her to move

This took about 4 mins and the mum was in tears by the end of it.

I see the keyboard warriors are out in force on this thread

I have been reduced to tears in this situation. Was on a journey that required us to use 2 buses with 3 dcs-one in buggy. We waited ages for the bus and when it came was jam packed.

The driver told me that I would have to fold my buggy-I had already got on the bus at this point and there was literally no room to swing a cat so no room to fold buggy without getting off bus again. Passengers were happy to move but no she insisted I had to fold the buggy. I was nearly in tears trying to juggle dcs,buggy and shopping.

The driver had no right to either shout at or try to fold women 1's pram without her permission. The op states there was clearly room for 2 buggies so why be an arse about it?

I don't believe any of the people on here moaning about this have ever in their lives done a bus trip with multiple dcs,folded buggies and shopping.

If there was room for two buggies what was the problem?

Sounds to me like the driver was the only one being a nob.

Driver does sound like a nob.

Definitely nob-jockey driver!

This could have been me. My pushchair wasn't a one-hand fold, no way I could have managed this had I been on my own.

But then, me being me, I'd have told the driver where to go .

And I have done! Jobsworths piss me right off. If you don't like working with the public, don't work with the effing public!!!

If a child wasn't in the buggy why shouldn't it have been folded. Don't get what is wrong with the driver asking for it to be folded up.

Maybe because the mother was juggling 2 kids and her shopping.

How was she supposed to fold it while holding her baby? Maybe the baby was in the buggy when she got on but got upset so she got baby out to calm it?

I used to have to do this sometimes when on the bus - didn't mean my child wasn't in the buggy when I got on the bus or wasn't going back in.

Xposts with usual

We have been in the position of the second family but we had to argue with bus driver about getting on bus as another pushchair was there.

We argued as DD is disabled and we would have had to wait another 25 mins for bus. She is in sn pushchair and wears splint and has helmet but to bus driver she was nt.
Other pushchair user was lovely, puts theirs down and we got on.

Contrary to what some people think, there is a multitude of reasons why a child with disabilities cannot and sometimes should not be taken out of a pushchair on a moving bus.

My DD would physically not manage the jostling of the bus but could not understand sitting (SLD among loads of other problems) without being in pushchair so for her safety she remained in pushchair.

I have never felt so guilty or awkward as having to justify the need for the space to a bus load of people after argument with driver.

Needless to say it will be a while before we get on bus again!

The other mum offered to hold her baby so she could fold the buggy.

A disabled child in a buggy needs the buggy space more than non-disabled an empty buggy. That's all there is to it.

^^
This.

I don't believe any of the people on here moaning about this have ever in their lives done a bus trip with multiple dcs,folded buggies and shopping

I have done bus trips with 2 under 2, in a double, bus trips with 3 under 5 with a double, bus trips with disabled ds in a standard buggy and bus trips with ds in his sn buggy.

I have had to fold double with 2 under 2, I have had to fold buggy with disabled ds to make room for a baby in a pram and miss a hospital appointment, I have helped others fold buggies because ds's sn buggy does not fold.

I am not saying any of it is easy, no one should be shouted at, and people should help and often do when asked. But, disabled bus users should have priority, whether they are in a standard buggy, sn buggy or wheelchair.

If the situation were as many here paint it - where you board the bus, pass your children to the arms of kind strangers whilst you fold your wisely chosen for the occasion buggy with one hand, holding the perfectly packed shopping in the other. Or of course be ready to abandon the whole journey and walk because even when you are actually going somewhere really important, you left plenty time on the off chance....
....If I really had to do that I would have got a 4x4 a long time ago

Really? well welcome to what mothers in the 70's 80's and 90's did. You just got on with it and remembered that when getting the bus you had to fold up the buggy and repack your bags. It meant you always had a good change bag and some strong large shopping bags. Even 15 years ago there were very little in the way of 'buggy spaces'.

It's like every new thing that is introduced to help, soon we can't do without it and when we realise that this great idea is not as good as first thought or is open to abuse we berate other people for it's flaws.

Cory, I can't believe a driver told you that you'd have to get off if a pushchair came along - that's shocking!

I agree Debs, my DCs are still at school but I remember buses that couldn't take pushchairs and we all managed.

that's really mean-spirited Debs. Can't stand that attitude. Thank Christ my own mother, a mum in the 70s, has never spouted that bullshit to me or my sister.

In fact, she thinks the changes that have occurred over the years to make getting out and about with small children easier (many, of course, on the back of campaigns for access by disability groups) are brilliant - baby change rooms and feeding rooms in many stores, galleries and museums, p&c spaces (I bet you love telling people how you did without them back in the day), lifts in many stations and yes, spaces on public transport which can be used (if not needed by a wheelchair) by buggies.

I bet a lot of mums did really struggle and found it incredibly hard to get out of the house, like a PP said earlier. Probably a lot of those mums would have welcomed the world becoming a more baby-friendly place.

Makes you sound very bitter, tbh, that you can't be pleased about it, and also can't empathise, just a little, with a woman who, for whatever reason, found it hard one day. How very feeble of her.

FFs, some of you sound like some of the pensioners who used to do the PA thing when I dared to get on the bus with my buggy. 'Well, we had to walk everywhere in our day'. So therefore I should too?

How things used to be is irrelevant. The fact is that things have changed and moved on and things have been introduced to make life easier for people.

Taking advantage of these options doesn't make you the devil.

The bus I used to get to work when DD was a baby (only 11 years ago) was an old double-decker, with a bar up the middle of the steps. When she was tiny I was TERRIFIED that a harness would snap so I didn't use one. This meant wheeling the travel system to the bus stop, taking the car seat off and putting it on the ground, then folding the pushchair down (two-hand jobbie) before attempting to get both on the bus (incredibly difficult). And then repeat in reverse at the other end.

I was delighted when they replaced the bus with a single decker service and I could get my second child straight on in his pushchair.

The old bus was crap and I hated it. I don't begrudge anyone the spaces on a bus for pushchairs and I wish people would leave off with the bosom hoiking and 'well, in my day...'

MASSIVE Xpost with MrsOakenshield.

YY, my Mum feels exactly the same - we were talking about this exact attitude a few days ago. She can't understand the bitterness in some people either!

I have struggled with buses with all my dc's/ DD1 is almost 18 and we had to use the bus with the pole up the middle so really hard to get on with a baby and a pram under the arm.
I have struggled with toddler and baby and pram, although I would often put baby in a sling and pop the folded pram in the luggage rack. With the younger dc's I have had other mums sneer at me to move my buggy and had passengers accidentally swipe their heads with their bags while muttering about bloody buggies.

I have also struggled with a disabled toddler in a normal looking buggy and you know what I have got through it.

I am not bitter at all that the buses have got a bit easier for mums to get out and about. And I am not harping back to the good old days when we walked everywhere. What I am saying is maybe mums could do with some common sense and realise that a bus may only have 2 buggy spaces and there may well be 2 buggies on board so just be prepared to fold your buggy and be prepared by not tying a weeks worth of shopping to your handles
The fact that facilities in all walks of life are getting easier for disabled and more baby friendly is a tremendous help to all. In the case of the OP the driver was very OTT but on most buses there is a huge sense of entitlement and not wanting to put oneselves out to help others

I think the other passengers were a bit twattish not stepping in and standing up for BOTH the mums by suggesting one could use the other buggy bit that the driver seemed to have vetoed. Everyone speaking up would have pressured him into behaving. I've noticed this myself that some passengers seem to take pleasure in watching mums struggle. I've overheard one man suggest babies should be banned in rush hour when the bus paused to let a mum fold her pram. I've also been on the bus in the wheelchair spot with dd in her buggy and me in the seat opposite calming her down because she was terrified of buses. The buggy side was full of passengers despite the rest of the bus being empty. A man got on with a walker and I obviously jumped up so he could have my seat because I was in the wheelchair bit. Dd then cried the 20 minute journey because she couldn't see me. Did any of the people sat in the buggy bit offer to move so I could be with dd? Nope. I daren't ask because I'd already had tuts and eye rolls from them when the bus waited til we were settled before pulling away. Some people like to punish mums and see us struggle. We haven't got the bus since dd was 5 months old (1.5 now) because people are just nasty. It makes you angry at yourself as well for letting people scare you into not defending yourself.

I agree with MrsOakenshield's mum too!

As I said in my earlier post, buses were not buggy friendly when my children were small, that doesn't mean I feel bitter that things are easier now. I think it's brilliant that parents can get out and about more easily instead of being stuck indoors becoming more and more isolated.

If child is in buggy I think that they take priority. No.1 should have folded buggy.

what does it have to do with the bus driver? If the family wanted some more room she was capable of asking the mum herself wasnt she? So no bus driver not unreasonable, folding buggies and helping people to fold buggies also not unreasonable.

Pigsmummy - are you one of these rare people with three sets of arms?

She was holding a baby - and managing a toddler too. Which child was she supposed to neglect the safety of while she folded a pushchair?

Sherbertpips - the bus driver was totally unreasonable. He is responsible for safety on his bus and should therefore have either a) told parent no.2 to fold their buggy (there were 2 parents there so no issue with someone holding the child) or b) explained that they would need to wait for the next bus.

How do you know when you ask someone politely that they're not going to kick off at you? How could the second parent know what the first one was like?

It is totally on the bus driver.

And, as already said upthread, the driver was a nob.

I would say mum one should have folded but considering she had her hands full with an 8 month old i find it rather rude the bus driver expected this of her as it isn't all that easy to fold a pushchair with your arms full let alone put it back up again upon destination! And tbh she was there first so why should she move!

The only person that would warrant her having to fold should be a disabled person as they need the space more than anyone else!

I think the world has remained bitter and most people deteste prams on buses because they never had the option in their day. It's a shame some on here cannot be happy that others can get from A to B much easier than ever before. It's a good thing!

The only person that would warrant her having to fold should be a disabled person as they need the space more than anyone else!

A child/baby with Down syndrome is classed as disabled. Thats irrespective of whether they're in a wheelchair, SN buggy, pram, or walking. They still get priority over the space.

Bus driver was still a bit of an idiot, although he was just doing his job as were the other passengers who presumably didn't offer to help.