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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to complain about this busdriver? (pushchair related)

178 replies

candlelight2012 · 28/10/2013 19:40

Would appreciate some opinions before complaining as I'm unsure whether or not he was correct

There was a mother with two young children, one about 2/3, one about 8/9 months (going by eye) with a buggy in upright position in the buggy spot, and the older child on a seat younger one on her knee.

Bus stopped to change drivers and new driver got on the bus and told the women she had to fold the buggy up and move seats as another buggy was coming on.

The new family, mum dad and baby about 7 months, with downs syndrome got on and waited for the mum to fold the buggy and move.

The mum and passengers were all saying to the bus driver that the new passengers should surely be the ones to fold the buggy as they were coming on second, the driver didn't address anyone apart he mum and started raising his voice and hurrying her to move

This took about 4 mins and the mum was in tears by the end of it.

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 28/10/2013 19:56

Too right she should fold the buggy. It was empty. The driver needs to massive hand shake and a pat on his back. Too many would have done nothing. So what if she was a bit upset.
THe chair the second family might have had, possibly wasn't a regular push chair, and so again, their need to the space gave them priority for the space. Seeing as the spaces were never meant for pushchairs in the first place.

gordyslovesheep · 28/10/2013 19:57

I was just going to type what hettienne said

decaffwithcream · 28/10/2013 20:01

With regard to the baby having Downs, he may well have had the lax muscles or ligaments that go with Downs. Or any of the other many medical problems a baby with Down Syndrome often has to contend with,

This can affect the child's neck which means proper support is more important and developmentally for various reasons they can also be later to achieve holding up their head or various postural goals.

It could have been much more difficult for a parent to hold the baby with Downs on their lap in a bus than it would be with a typically developing child of the same age.

It would have been for me with my son, who has Downs, even at a later age. Actually even now it would be extremely difficult.

everlong · 28/10/2013 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaryNutellaFangs · 28/10/2013 20:05

Umbrella fold strollers are designed to fold using one hand, so all this talk of needing to put the baby down is confusing.

Mumof3xx · 28/10/2013 20:06

Clearly some of you have never been on busy public transport alone with two small children

Mim78 · 28/10/2013 20:06

I have to say that I found travelling on buses when I had the larger sized baby buggy rather than the pushchair a complete nightmare for this reason and so stopped doing it. It's really hard to do the whole folding/unfolding thing while juggling a baby, and the baby buggies are not easy to fold/unfold. You might not want someone else to hold them and to me that is fair enough. Anyway people rarely offer.

Luckily where I live there are trams which have plenty of room for buggy.

Original poster
candlelight2012 · 28/10/2013 20:06

hettnie I am disabled (mobility/balance) was on the way to a hospital appointment so there wasn't really much I could do apart from try to cheer her up a bit Sad

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 28/10/2013 20:10

First mother should have folded up buggy. It's ridiculous that she was in tears over that.

Original poster
candlelight2012 · 28/10/2013 20:11

sorry maybe I am using the word buggy incorrectly. This was quite large sort of a pram sized but a seat rather than a cot iyswim? Had a shopping basket underneath with shopping in it.

Wasnt a maclaren type stroller

OP posts:
Mumof3xx · 28/10/2013 20:13

So it wasn't an easy one hand collapse umbrella stroller

My big pram deffently takes two hands to collapse! I could not do it and hold my baby

IamInvisible · 28/10/2013 20:14

I can see why she ended up in tears, tbh. She might have been knackered, felt got at, a bit humiliated, time of the month, the bus driver might have been a bit of a nob, people staring.

Someone should have helped her by either holding the baby or folding the pushchair. I absolutely hate the fact that people, on the whole don't help each other anymore. It makes me sad.

MrsOakenshield · 28/10/2013 20:15

tricky. Just because the children weren't in the buggy doesn't mean it was empty, it could have been packed to the gills with shopping and general paraphenalia which could make it much harder, if not impossible, to fold. And I can see it would be hard whatever with 2 small children - OP, I understand you weren't able to help yourself, but did anyone else (including the driver) offer to help? In fact, I would expect the driver to help in this situation, rather than get arsey. I can see that mum 2 should get preference from the point of view not having to fold, but presumably if there had been a buggy in the space with a child in it, she would have had to have waited for the next bus anyway?

I think it might be worth mentioning to the bus company that it would be good customer service if the driver could help in situations like this, and they certainly shouldn't shout at paying passengers.

SauvignonBlanche · 28/10/2013 20:16

I don't understand the problem. Any pushchair user needs to be prepared to fold (or get off) if a wheelchair user needs the space so why does it come as a surprise when asked to do so?

Catsize · 28/10/2013 20:17

Not ridiculous she was in tears. She was humiliated, had two small kids to deal with, an unhelpful crowd on a bus, and who knows what is going on in her life, possible post-natal depression etc...
Nice supportive approach Mumsnet!

hettienne · 28/10/2013 20:17

Very silly to take a bulky, non-folding buggy on the bus, especially with two small children. Never understand why people make things so hard for themselves.

If someone with a wheelchair got on Mum 1 would have had to fold, so having a non-folding buggy isn't much of an excuse.

Mumof3xx · 28/10/2013 20:18

Maybe she isn't able to afford a second lighter pushchair

hettienne · 28/10/2013 20:22

Why not plan ahead a little when buying a pushchair to start with then? If you need to travel by bus, get something practical.

FreeWoooooooo · 28/10/2013 20:25

Empty buggy should be folded versus buggy with baby in DS or no DS. She may have needed help to do so with a child and baby but still empty should never trump full no matter who got on first. Did the mum with the 2 really suggest putting her baby back in the buggy to claim the spot? Pretty selfish in that case.

IamInvisible · 28/10/2013 20:25

Yes it does, Sauvignon, and I am sure the woman gets that. But why in earth did no one offer to help?

If I had been the mother of the other baby, I would have offered to have either hold the baby or fold the pushchair for her.

She might not have planned to have used the bus this morning. Her car might have brokendown when she was out. Anything could have happened. Why do people have to be so selfish and arsey? Why don't people just help each other out abit?

Original poster
candlelight2012 · 28/10/2013 20:26

Iaminvisible the mum who came on offered to hold the baby whilst her husband and the driver tried to fold the buggy.

I just felt bad beacuse the whole thing turned into a fiasco where one mum ended up in tears and the other obviously felt awkward.

But it did seem to be the drivers bad handling that created it. The weirdest thing is there is actually space to have two buggys on the bus safely but only one is an official buggy space, so the bit opposite that has two fold back seats to allow a buggy in , neither parents were allowed to use!

OP posts:
Troubledtimes · 28/10/2013 20:26

Fucking ridiculous. How does a person manage two small children on a bus and fold her buggy at the same time? For all anybody knows she could have unseen mobility problems or difficulties the same as me, I can't physically manage folding my buggy without severe pain. I personally prefer to get out and walk and suffer pain than go through the stress and humiliation of trying to manage toddlers /babies and fold a pushchair with a hostile audience.
The other thing that really bugs me is that drivers rarely lower the bus to allow pushchairs on. I struggle to lift the buggy onto the bus and hate having to explain my physical difficulties to the driver and in earshot of the passengers.
Bus travel is hideous especially when another parent arrives and looks at you mutinously expecting you to mindread their desire for you to fold up the pushchair.
And breathe...

KathrynKampbell · 28/10/2013 20:26

If you can't fold your pram (apart from people with disabilities obviously) you shouldn't use that pram on the bus. It says as much in the conditions of carriage on most buses. Also, an empty pram does not take precedence over a full pram. The bus driver probably refused her putting the baby back in the pram because she was only doing it so she didn't have to fold rather than the baby needing to be in the pram. The shopping part does make it harder for first mum but if she had thought about it, she would have kept baby in the pram to keep her spot from the start. It's just common sense.

hazeyjane · 28/10/2013 20:27

In a similar situation a few weeks ago, I didn't fold because ds was in his sn buggy, but I did help the lady who got on with 2 dcs fold her double buggy and get it in the luggage rack, whilst my mum held her baby and she got herself sorted with her older dc.

It is a shame that the second couple didn't help her fold, but I do still think they had the right to the space, and there are many reasons why it may have been difficult get their dc out and hold him.

I had to do a bus journey when ds was about a year old, I had to get him out and fold his buggy as a lady got on with a younger baby in a pram. But he has hypotonia and having to wake him and carry him on my lap was a nightmare, he ended up screaming so much that I had to cancel his hospital appointment, and get back on the bus and come home!

It is a wheelchair space and wheelchairs have priority, this should include sn buggies and if a disabled child is younger and in a standard pram, then it should include these too.

hettienne · 28/10/2013 20:27

So Mum 2 offered to hold the baby and then Mum 1 didn't even fold her own buggy, she got the driver to do it? Bizarre. What was she doing?

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