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Original poster

Mum's nickname for my unborn baby really pisses me off

172 replies

Jolleigh · 26/10/2013 21:32

Mum is calling the baby 'peanut'. I'm nearly 19 weeks and she's done it since 5 weeks despite knowing it annoys me. In fact, since she was told (by me) just how much it's annoying me, she's made a point of doing it more and insists she's not going to call the baby by its name after it's born, but call it peanut instead.

I'm pretty sure I'm being hormonal and precious. But it feels like she's disrespecting me (though if you asked me why, I'd definitely not be able to tell you) and I want to scream whenever I hear it. It's not even as if my own pet name for the baby is particularly complimentary...it's Alien Blush

Anyone else had this or able to shed any light on why it annoys me quite so much?

Or possibly able to talk me into not hating it?

OP posts:
Didactylos · 27/10/2013 10:10

'But it's my first baby and I'm struggling to connect with the bump while she's the one who's creating its identity'

I dont think you are mad or hormonal saying this - and lots of people have chimed in with stories about their children being renamed and how odd and offensive this is. Its a territorial battle, its about changes in roles but its not her pregnancy to name, and its not her place to overrule you. How do you think shes going to be with accepting your decisions/naming/parenting choices when not-at-all-leguminous baby makes its appearance?

Having said that I think cutting her out is a bit of an overreaction. either the 'twatlips' strategy though I personally would call her 'goady granny' or you could threaten to take her on Jeremy Kyle.... TFIC

purrtrillpadpadpad · 27/10/2013 10:52

This is really irritating me just reading it. You are definitely not being unreasonable. A very clear request to her to stop doing it each time she does it, particularly in front of family, should work. Eventually.

Sounds a teeny bit overbearing, well, perhaps not the right word, but is she quite a dominant personality? Maybe something to bear in mind once your baby arrives.

moominleigh94 · 27/10/2013 11:25

Jolleigh OH is a Pokemon fan. I'd much rather Pikachu or Charmander, Squirtle was never my favourite. More of an Eevee girl myself Wink

As for the response to people touching the bump, I've found a great t-shirt. I'm going to get it, but for the days when I'm not wearing it, I'll just have to say the slogan - "Unless you put it in there or will be taking it out of there, don't touch it!".

ringaringarosy · 27/10/2013 12:11

i dont know why but nicknames and pet names for unborn children make me cringe.

ringaringarosy · 27/10/2013 12:13

Maybe because in my experience its accompanied by other annoying traits like screaming every time you feel a slight kick or pretending to waddle when you are about 3 months pregnant.

thebody · 27/10/2013 12:19

perhaps you could try not letting her know how much it's annoying you and she will stop.

so if you can bear it next time she calls bump peanut you laugh and start using it too.

it's my guess that it's 'her' name and if you start to use it she will stop.

I find it so baffling though that your mum is doing something you have asked her specifically NOT to do.

people are very strange.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 12:21

(snorts out a laugh) inclined to agree if it's a cutesie name. Alien doesn't make me waddle. Peanut might...another reason to dislike it!

OP posts:
purrtrillpadpadpad · 27/10/2013 12:22

Ooh, remove the power, thebody is a genius. Totally do this.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 12:23

thebody - I don't think that's the case unfortunately. She seems to live that a couple of family members have started to copy it (these people don't know it annoys me)

OP posts:
Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 12:23

or should I say 'love'.

OP posts:
purrtrillpadpadpad · 27/10/2013 12:38

Can't you just punch her in the face? Claim it's an extreme nut aversion? Every time she says peanut, blam, bunch of fives.

No?

Alternatively, these people who are also saying it, contact them directly. Or Just send them a link to this thread.

Beastofburden · 27/10/2013 13:06

Don't worry about struggling to connect with the bump. I definitely didn't believe there was a baby in there until it appeared, first time.

Agree with "call her Gary". Just that, reply saying "fine, thanks Gary".

Once the baby is born she will get over it.

greentshirt · 27/10/2013 13:56

We havent given ours a nickname, I expected we would but turns out I have a massive aversion to it, 'bean' is the one that really gets on my nerves. Not sure why, I just think its ridiculous!

I also hate lil man. Have warned my DH to get me put down if I suddenly start thinking thats acceptable!

Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 13:57

Just spat my brew out at the suggestion to punch her in the face Grin Precisely what I feel like doing in my hormonal state.

OP posts:
SharpLily · 27/10/2013 13:59

"I also hate lil man."

Fuck yes! That and 'little lady' - they're all over bloody Facebook! I don't remember people using these hideous expressions when I was little.

Mouse114 · 27/10/2013 14:16

I actually think its cute. She loves it already

Bettercallsaul1 · 27/10/2013 18:00

If you have asked her, in a serious way, to stop doing this and she is not only continuing , but doing it MORE, then this is definitely a control issue. Some mothers find it very difficult to accept that the generations have moved on , and that their daughter now has the central role of mother to growing children while they have been relegated to the subsidiary role of grandma. I'm not saying this is a conscious thing - she may not have thought it out - but I'm sure that's what it is. Her insistence on doing something which she now KNOWS is annoying you is a way of getting back control and insisting that she is really still in charge. The fact that she is determined to name your child in a different way from you is a way of "laying claim" to the baby and that is why it's so annoying - you have the completely natural desire to relate to your unborn baby the way you choose and she is thwarting you. You are NOT at all unreasonable to objection this strongly!

Inkspellme · 27/10/2013 18:21

Ask her what she would like the baby to call her? Gran, Granny, Nana, Nan etc . Then ask her which she'd hate. Once you find out, if you don't already know, tell her you will get YOUR child to call her the name she hates unless she drops this peanut business now.

might make the point clear.

HauntedFlyingNaanBread · 27/10/2013 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 18:33

Bettercallsaul - firstly, great name Grin

I honestly think you've managed to sum that up absolutely perfectly. She's just been doing it over text again Angry . She's been told firstly that she shall henceforth be known as Grandma by all of her future grandchildren and that she's had her turn naming children, now it's mine, I'll be ignoring 'peanut' messages, and that it reminds me of the word penis anyway. (Bit of a mix of many strategies people have suggested...thanks everyone! )

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 27/10/2013 18:59

If, after one more attempt at getting her to stop, she doesn't't oblige, I would reclaim control of the situation by COMPLETELY IGNORING IT. By not giving her a reaction, you completely take the sting out of the situation by treating what she is doing as completely insignificant. Don't give her a fight - that's what she's looking for!

I would, however, definitely talk to your other relatives who are now following your mother's example. (probably, quite innocently) Ask them, very seriously, to stop and explain that it is upsetting you - because it is! Unless you have a family full of sadists, who enjoy upsetting a pregnant woman needlessly, they will stop and your mother will find herself isolated instead of having a following. Again, this allows you to regain control of the situation.

As for your mother, I wouldn't ignore her texts, as that is giving her a reaction, Just reply to her enquiries as if she hadn't used the "P" word - by being friendly and mature, you may well shame her out of doing it. If she uses it to your face, just train yourself not to react - again tolerant indifference is what you want to convey. There are two benefits to this - your lack of reaction may well result in her stopping and, by rising above it, you may well find that you stop feeling upset if she persists.

Bettercallsaul1 · 27/10/2013 19:07

Sorry, OP, you posted your reply to me while I was still composing my second essay reply. You are obviously on the right track! I would definitely try to stop the rot with the rest of your family though!

Thanks for the compliment on my name! ( Just doing my bit to advertise one of the best TV dramas ever)

Original poster
Jolleigh · 27/10/2013 19:40

She's ignored my last message. That generally means I've pissed her off. Not massively important though...there wouldn't be an issue if she wasn't provoking me.

I don't reckon the other relatives will be an issue...mum has always seen herself as the matriarch who can do pretty well as she likes. The remainder of the family (though there are many wind up merchants) do have a bit more respect for other people's feelings.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 27/10/2013 19:53

It's ok that you've pissed her off, she's been pissing you off deliberately, she's just annoyed that you've called her on her bad behaviour.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 28/10/2013 09:11

She's called it fucking peanut again this morning. Angry Made a point of it.

Punching her in the face is starting to look like an extremely attractive option.

OP posts: