People who talk about their own personality on Facebook

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Yeah I know Facebook. But, I hate these kind of updates...

"Oh everyone who knows me knows I have a really quirky and intelligent sense of humour"

Or

"I have so much love to give to the right person but my personality is so free and brave and bold and too clever for average men, so I guess for most they just couldn't handle me."

The latter usually followed by loads of "U Ok Hun? Xxxxx" or just "xxxxx" and of course the attention seeking author of the original status never actually replies to the comments again. Just loves all the Aaawhunning that goes on.

CUNTS CUNTS CUNTS FUCK OFF CUNTS.

I won't respond, you know what I'm like. I call a spade a spade. Everyone knows what I'm like. I'm mad, me.

I know someone who laughs at her own jokes. Does my bloody head in and I have her posts hidden most of the time.

tell me what you think about me and I might tell you something meaninglessly sickening about you as well.

Ahaha, fuuuucccckkk I love Facebook, it gives me an enormous sense of 'man, I'm so fucking neurotypical, it hurts'

Gawwwd bless these wondrous gems, for without them, I'd think I were odd.

and tell me where we met, I cant remember I was too fucked for the whole of the sixties.

On my facebook feed today-

People with blue eyes are kind, generous, dance like no one is watching, love hard and cry harder. Share if you have blue eyes!

Anyone that shares this wank should be punched in their stupid face.

then they will have blue eyes

What does Facebook do to some people? I have two friends (best friends with one another) who in real life are really nice people, but my GOD on Facebook they come across as a pair of fucking turnips.

One is constantly moaning about everything and is ALWAYS there with the first RIP if anyone famous ever dies. I swear she just refreshes some kind of celebrity death news website every minute of every day.

The other is always such a "woah is me" and always constantly changing her profile picture even though she frequently makes comments on how "unattractive" she thinks she is (she looks like Kate Winslett FFS!)

And what the cocking wank fuck is this giraffe shite? Fuck off Facebook just fuck off.

I like fb too, but can't understand (although I can maybe guess) what's behind posting selfies.

One after another after another after another etc etc etc over months/years on end, mostly in the same pose.

I'm sure it's lovely to get the fawning comments, but where's their sense of shame?

at 'Celebrity Death News'.

Somebody is professing themselves as 'saddened' by the Kerr/Bloom marital break up and has posted a heart shaped tribute to them quoting The Prophet.

Right....

'Is feeling a facebook cull coming on. No offence if u get deleted we no longer talk but please feel free 2 re-add. We all move in different circles & it is what it is . I will b doing it tomorrow'
Cue everyone begging to stay friends.
Haven't talked to this person in years but I never get culled and am still on the firends list.

what makes sick is the constant updates of how much they love their son or daughter ,share if you love yours , ffs no ,just fuck off you sad muppet .

What's the giraffe shite?

Presumably nothing to do with steaming piles of it? (aside from the bollocks on some status')

I am loving the giraffe shite, because dd1 is obsessed with giraffes and now many of my face book friends are giraffes which makes her happy.

Ugh, cringe at celeb RIP and support posts.

Also hate those that say:

Haha, wot am I like, I just ...< insert something 'wacky' or just plain dumb here > ...I'm so mad me!!xxxx.

Usually followed by- I know hun, it would only happen to you, lolxxxxxx

I hate people who insist on telling us how mad and zany they are. Usually means they are boring as fuck.

.....and breathe.

A cousin has today shared a bizarre digital artwork picture of a Native American woman looking out across a wild plain, with the text "People make hate you for being different and not living by society's standards, but deep down, they wish they had the courage to do the same."

She posts a new wanky picture like that pretty much every day.

Kim does god and the world need to know what issues you have? My ex discussed our relationship problems with his 'friends' on fb for everyone to see. I so wish I dumped him on the discussion thread on his wall I ended it pretty swiftly after this.

Also..

I don't normally like to rant on here but...

cue massive rant, usually airing dirty laundry of whatever argument they are having at the time, most likely with zero punctuation so even if I did want to read it it's reeeeally fucking hard to understand.

Um, I think some of you need to step away from FB.

And the giraffe shite is a game.

Many of your Facebook friends are giraffes? What's this?

I'm intrigued by giraffes... one of my favourite animals. Anyone care to enlighten me on the giraffe game?

You're right TEE. I just can't break away yet though!