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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:
SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:09

I was wondering how quickly someone would have to bite..."oh laughing with you was he? Suuurrrrrre." Only reason I typed it. Lame and predictable :)

And he was. So boo hoo.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:11

But you seem to not want to admit that you were providing sexual services? and that you were somehow 'cleaner' than the 'dirty' dancers.

Lazysuzanne · 28/10/2013 00:15

You're very defensive for an empowered woman Sugar, I don't think anybody on this thread is fooled by you.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 28/10/2013 00:17

Only reason I typed it. Lame and predictable

Oh, so you're not really sharing your actual real-life experience.

You're just goading people and trying to provoke reactions.

Well done.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:18

It's nothing to do with admission. If I thought I was providing a sexual service, I would have no problem with saying it. I was a dancer and the dances were anything from in lingerie to nude. That's fact. To me unless I did some act of a sexual nature, ie kissed him, allowed him to fondle whatever...you get the idea, then no sexual service has taken place, That's my opinion.

And don't start making up what I've said. As the two other dancers on this thread have pointed out, there are clean dancers and dirty dancers. And that's what they are referred to within the industry. Fact. You don't like that tough. It's how it is.

You aren't a clean-ish dirty dancer, or a slightly dirty clean dancer. You do extras, or you don't. It's a black and white thing. I was a clean dancer. It's not a variable thing, you are either one or the other.

Lazysuzanne · 28/10/2013 00:18

If I could earn a grand a night doing a job which made me feel empowered pretty sure I'd not bother fighting my corner about it on here.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:19

I note that you haven't addressed my point about your use of misogynistic language in your posts either? Misogynistic language directed at fellow women working in the sex industry alongside you...?

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:21

Yep, could have predicted your response too HeadsDown. Mumsnet can provoke some wonderful discussions, or it can provoke predictable clichéd dull responses. I'm getting bored of people incapable of reading the thread, I need to entertain myself somehow. Maybe I should humiliate myself doing the robot in front of the mirror....now there's a thought....

Although that is unfair, there are a few people still attempting a reasonable discussion....

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:23

In what respect Sabrina....because if this is yet another thing I've already addressed on this thread.... Hmm

Lazy try reading the thread, please do, and you'll realise why that's such a pointless comment....

ravenAnyKucker · 28/10/2013 00:26

'a young lad, maybe 26... He paid for 3/4 hour. £360'

This is hardly typical, is it?

There's a lapdancing club in the centre of the Yorkshire town where I live. It happens to be next door to an alternative/live music venue where dh has played several times.

A few months ago, I ran into one of the dancers, who, as it happened, had been one of my GCSE students a couple of years previously - she was turning up for her shift at the strip club, I was lugging dh's amps into the venue. We had a quick chat & a catch up.

She's not getting paid £360 for less than an hour's work. In fact, she was very candid that it paid more than bar/retail work, but not much more.

There aren't many 26yo men round here who could, or would, pay £360 to admire a topless woman doing a silly dance, either.

What you're describing may be your own somewhat rarefied experience, but it's not how the economics of the sex industry actually work.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 28/10/2013 00:30

Your description of your time in the sex industry sounds intensely misogynistic, and narcissistic at the same time. So I don't think being deliberately provocative is really helping your case.

FreudiansSlipper · 28/10/2013 00:32

If pu sat behind a bar all night and never danced what would you earn

Sorry but as with all sales it is the customer that holds the power as they hold the cash that the business wants

FreudiansSlipper · 28/10/2013 00:33

You ... Not pu ....

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:34

Sugarhut - because you're using language like 'clean' or 'dirty' to describe other women in the same industry as you were in. I find your language here mystifying - even if it is language that is rife in the industry. It's like you're putting yourself above other women in the industry. Why would you do that?

Language like "whore", "dirty," "prude' is degrading language towards other women and pits women against other women - it's horrible, and you've used them all on this thread to describe other women.

Grennie · 28/10/2013 00:37

Raven, yes sugar was at the top end of lap dancers in terms of earning. It is like comparing a women in a local brothel to a high class escort who goes to men staying in 5 star hotels in London. Sugar's situation is unusual.

Sugar, if you want to believe what you did was not a sexual service, fine. That suggests to me though that you have more negative feelings about the reality, than you are prepared to admit even to yourself.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:38

Raven, it was very typical. Ok, not the robot bit. I would do an hour with someone virtually every night I worked though. Then add on all the single dances. I was one of the top earners, in the top 3...but the top earner made what I earned look like a joke.

I did this for the best part of a decade, it's not a rarefied experience. I didn't stop that long ago either. I am not out of date and out of touch. And in all honesty, we had a few girls in the last club I worked at, who would take home maybe £60 a night. They were girls who wanted to be dancers, but frankly, weren't dancer material. If you're doing that job, and not earning serious money, then you should just accept you're not really any good as a dancer. It's easy money, very easy.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:39

I'm going to bow out of this discussion now, sugarhut - because I don't want you to feel ganged up on - but I would just like you think about your use of misogynistic language about other women. It's not a good thing.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:41

Clean and dirty are industry words. I'm wondering how many times this needs saying. Whore has already been done...sigh....am I the only one that bothers to read threads properly?

Darkesteyes · 28/10/2013 00:42

OP how are you Are you ok. What did he say about the bag?

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:43

Oh I really don't feel ganged up on...there would have to be something well considered and thought out for me to feel ganged up on :)

Yes, I do believe what I did was not a sexual service. And again, wow, we love the repeating on here, I would have not one problem saying that it was.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:44

Regardless of the 'industry,' they're words that are divisive and derogatory towards women, sugarhut. That really is my last word for now.

EBearhug · 28/10/2013 00:44

What if we just talked downstairs for the whole hour, which frequently happened?

Surely if that's really all they were interested, they'd go to a normal pub. Or evening classes. Or a history group. Or the Conservative or Labour club. Or a book group. Or wherever else you might be able to go and talk, according to the things which might interest you. Or they could try therapy. I pay my therapist about 10% of what you charged for an hour of her time, and I get to talk all through it.

It isn't just about talking, else they wouldn't have gone in there in the first place.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 28/10/2013 00:47

One last one: Denial.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:48

Yeah, you'd think that EBear. I used to wonder it all the time, and never could work it out. And I think that's what a lot of people struggle with.

"He paid £480 for an hour just to talk to you???? Oh do fuck off dear"

Insane, but true. And I was frequently paid for just that.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:49

Bless you Sabrina. Bitterness becomes no one. Enjoy your evening :)