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Original poster

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:
Lazysuzanne · 27/10/2013 22:10

I agree with others that Sugar is defensive and aggressive, I suppose that is inline with her derisive attitude towards her colleagues.

When do we get to find out about the OP's handbag

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 27/10/2013 22:11

I think you've made your continuing, deeply unpleasant, and fucked up attitude to your former colleagues abundantly clear.

It's absolutely fascinating how different you think you are from them, despite doing the same job.

creepypenisreaper · 27/10/2013 22:16

Tbf, SugarHut is only slating those who broke the law. It's not like she is saying that she is better than all lap dancers. She even said upthread that her closest pals are dancers, so I don't think she feels better than them. If she was staying within the law then it is a legit job, like anything else, regardless of whether you agree with her moral code.

Lazysuzanne · 27/10/2013 22:17

The vast majority of people would regard naked lap dancing as a sexual service, regardless of how the sex worker giving the dance categorized it.
I don't expect the recipient of dance is in any doubt that he is receiving a sexual service.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 22:21

Of course lap dancers are providing a sexual service. Lap dancing clubs are defined as SEV's: 'sex entertainment venues.'

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 22:45

At what point does it become a sexual service in this scenario, for example:

Customer walks in. "Hello, may I buy you a drink" Orders bottle of plonk, I join him at the table. Over complimentary conversation starts by me "I love your shirt, you have beautiful eyes, oooooh you must go to the gym" (that kind of guff) "Would you like me to stay?" "Yes please, an hour" Money is handed over. We talk for say 20 more minutes. I may then say "Would you care to take this champagne somewhere more private?" He agrees. We go to a dance booth. Sit and talk for another 15 minutes. I might remove my dress and sit in lingerie. Maybe I'll then do a dance. Then we'll sit and talk some more (back in my lingerie again) maybe one more dance. Then he wants a beer and a cigarette, so we go the bar and smoke. Back to the booth for a final dance. Hours up.

Is that all a sexual service? Just the dances, which he will be looking at my naked body, but not in a leery sex pest way, but yes he is turned on. At the point where I am just in lingerie but still only talking?

What if we just talked downstairs for the whole hour, which frequently happened?

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 27/10/2013 22:46

Um, she IS saying that she is better than ugly "dirty" dancers.

Her posts are laced with poisonous contempt for other women who are doing the same thing as her.

The fact that it is against the law to sell sex but not to buy it is an outrageous aspect of patriarchal society that cannot be used to justify such outrageous misogyny as trying to pull a madonna/whore dichotomy between "clean" and "dirty" sex workers.

It's utterly repellent. But also compelling viewing.

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 27/10/2013 22:48

"Money is handed over"

At that point.

Although arguably, given that the "customer" walked into a place where he knew sexual services were on offer it started the moment he decided to buy you rather than any of the other merchandise.

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 22:51

Creepy, I appreciate the effort, not that your words of repeating fact will be acknowledged any more than mine :) There are certain posters determined to ignore the vast majority of input and focus on and twist what they can. My best friends are from dancing, glad you noted that..well they did as well but that kind of spoils what they are trying to insinuate, and where's their fun then :)

Lazy, please don't get confuse defensive and aggressive with someone who swiftly dismisses utter tripe :)

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 22:56

Sorry sugarhut - but I think you're kidding yourself here. You are providing sexual entertainment for men - no matter how you try to sanitise this in your own mind.

I don't like your frequent use of the word whore to describe your sisters in the industry either - or the word 'dirty' to describe other women. It's language which is steeped in misogyny - and yes, women can exhibit misogyny too - as you've shown on this thread.

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 22:57

Interesting. You see the sexual service from the moment money exchanges. So the conversation prior to payment is not. The continuation of that conversation after is now a sexual service??

So an hours conversation, as I say, which frequently happened, as long as money was exchanged, is a sexual service?

What if no money was exchanged, and I danced continually for the whole hour (ignoring the fact that would never happen) would that be more or less of a sexual service because I was naked, but no money had been exchanged?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 27/10/2013 23:05

NancyShrew you are wonderful.
ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

And definitely keep the bag.

On the offchance that you don't kick this sad loser into touch, the bag will be a nice reminder for him - so don't keep it for best.Smile

JeanBodel · 27/10/2013 23:20

I have been following this thread in interest.

Sugar I have read your scenario. I am struggling to see any way in which you are not offering a sexual service. Would men pay as highly if you just sat and talked and drank with them? Surely a large part of that scenario is you taking your clothes off and dancing in order to sexually arouse men, who pay you to do so? If this is not a sexual service then what is it?

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 23:24

FML. What is the point!!! What did I JUST say.

What if we just talked downstairs for the whole hour, which frequently happened?

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 23:31

Sugarhut, you were working as a lap dancer in a sex entertainment venue - presumably you weren't a doorman, or a waitress. Presumably you would provide a dance if requested? I really do think it's fair to say you were providing a 'sexual service.' That was your job.

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 23:40

Yes, I was a dancer. I would dance for some customers, I would just sit and talk to others. It cost them the same regardless, they paid for my time.

Here's an interesting one. Once I had a young lad, maybe 26, who was vaaaaaair drunk. He walked up and said he wanted a special dance. I told him kindly to fuck off. He then said, no no, I misunderstood, would I do the robot for him. He paid for 3/4 hour. £360. And I stood there, giggling my ass off....think I went topless....doing the robot. He was in stitches too, and we were sort of chatting while I was doing it. Sexual service...how?....

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 27/10/2013 23:42

"Sexual service...how?...."

BECAUSE HE BOUGHT YOU.

He wasn't laughing because a woman was doing the robot.

He was laughing because he was PAYING a woman to get her tits out and look ridiculous for his amusement.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 23:43

Because you were topless and he was paying you.

SugarHut · 27/10/2013 23:47

Oh I agree it was for his amusement. But he wasn't laughing at me, he was laughing with me. And he was doing it as well at some points. We did the whole thing in Kryten voices too. It was hilarious. And possibly the least sexual thing ever. He didn't request any nudity, I probably did that myself incase my boss was looking at my camera and thinking what the buggery fuck is she doing now.

Is it because it takes place in a strip club?

I repeat. What if we just talked downstairs for the whole hour, which frequently happened?

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 23:51

There's a strange thing that goes on at lap dancing clubs isn't there? The 'clientele' are laughing at the power over women that their money buys - "I can get these beautiful women to strip off for me, chat to me, do the robot dance for me just by waving cash at them..."

Then the dancers who are saying "I love my job - it's empowering and I can get wodges of cash being paid to chat to men, take my clothes off and dance for them."

Each thinks they're the ones with the power, whilst the club owners laugh all the way to the bank - because they're the ones making the real money.

JoinYourPlayfuckers · 27/10/2013 23:53

"Is it because it takes place in a strip club? "

Um, obviously.

It took place in a place where you were selling sexual services.

He paid you, which meant he got to tell you what to do for his pleasure.

It doesn't really matter whether he wanted you to look like a complete gobshite for his amusement (and you can be pretty sure the real people he was laughing with about your Kryten voice was his mates, later on. He probably still dines out on that story).

What matters is that he could purchase your time and ask you to get undressed for his pleasure.

Prostitutes ALWAYS tell stories about the men who paid to just come and talk to them.

Is going into a brothel and paying to talk to a prostitute who you know you could shag if you wanted to purchasing a sexual service?

Why, yes it is.

Because if you weren't paying the woman wouldn't be talking to you. Or humiliating herself by doing a ridiculous dance with her baps out.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 23:56

Yes, sugarhut - I believe you are providing a sexual service for men 'just by chatting to them for an hour" because you are doing so in the context of working in a lap dancing club.

If you were just chatting to a man in a bar and not being paid for it... well it's just a conversation, isn't it?

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 28/10/2013 00:05

Wow. I knew that there is a lot of stigma towards women who work in the sex industry but, somewhat naively, I didn't think such stigma and misogyny would come from women who work in the sex industry themselves.

There's a lot of bitterness in these posts.

I find it hard to believe that he was laughing "with you, not at you" when he paid you to do a ridiculous, humiliating dance. I'm not sure you can really believe it either. I suppose the alternative would be very painful to believe.

SugarHut · 28/10/2013 00:06

I hope he does recount the story to his friends. At the time, I ran into the changing rooms after to tell my friends and we were falling about laughing. My boss put the CCTV footage on the screens at the end of the night as we were cashing out. Most of us, including the doormen, robot walked back to the car park. It was hilarious. Sorry, humiliating of course. Hmm

It's always the dancers with the power. So many guys walk in and expect you to stand there and take any of their shit, and perform on command. They walk out knowing a very different story and don't make the mistake again They seem to forget you are self employed and can refuse any dance you like. In fact if you wanted to sit on your behind all night and not even speak to a customer, that was your choice. They can ask you for a dance, it's down to you if you feel like doing it or not.

On a weekday if I earned £1000, my take home would be £730. Hardly the club laughing in my face, was it. They do make good money, it's what businesses do.

The guys don't get to tell you what to do. You pick, choose and do what you want. They get what they are given. Yet another one of you with the utmost conviction and yet sweet fuck all in the way of experience or knowledge of what they dictate with such vigour.

Lazysuzanne · 28/10/2013 00:08

Not only do the club owners make the real money, they also get to keep their clothes on!