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Original poster

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:
Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 14:48

Are people really struggling to interpret plain English? Ugly women are not whores. Ok?? Women who perform extras are. The reasoning behind them doing these extras is because it was their way of competing when they could not compete on a different criteria. It's not a difficult concept.

You said the women who did extras were whores, you also stated these were the ugly/less attractive whatever, women. At no point did I say you said ALL ugly women are whores.

So don't put words in my mouth because you read one thing and twist it into another.

Exactly.

And get over the name calling for goodness sake, my repeated use of idiot is from some person earlier calling me it. If you read the thread....

I can comment on you insulting people if I wish, just because someone else did it to you doesn't make it right for you to continue it.

I find it hilarious that knowing first hand exactly what goes on that people with no clue about the whole thing will insist they know just as much about it as I do

and I find it hilarious that you assume other people DON'T know what they are talking about simply because you worked for one or two establishments and they chose not to. There are other ways of being informed you know.

I am interested in what you have to say. I accept you have an insider knowledge, I don't accept that you or any other one person knows best.

DropYourSword · 26/10/2013 14:48

Experience, not expertise

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 14:50

I'm not so sure I got power from lap dancing. Or indeed I gained anything of much use from doing it. But it was a fantastic job, and I have not lost anything from doing it either. The girls there I will be friends with to the grave. If I had a great Saturday, I'd take the whole of the following week off, and it gave me a lot of free time. I suppose it made me very strict on myself for keeping in shape and immaculately turned out. Maybe a little obsessed, but the modelling makes you more like that than dancing. I never touched drugs, but probably drank more than I should. I'm not sure empowered is the right word for how I felt. But never, ever, EVER, was I, or did I feel exploited. I adored my job, and I definitely became a lot more confident. If I had my time again, I would definitely do the dancing again.

This is all very interesting and again I am glad (truly) you got so much out of it and not every story is a depressing one. I'm not sure every story is as positive either.

skylerwhite · 26/10/2013 14:52

Dropyoursword she has stated that there are virtually NO dancers who are there and hate it. She's not simply speaking to her own experience and conceding that maybe, just maybe, there might be other realities out there for women working in lapdancing clubs.

Further, she has described other posters as 'bleating on' and she has dismissed research into the sex industry as 'utter bollocks that feminist journalists churn out'. I don't think this tallies with your image of Sugar being 'ripped apart by wolves'.

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 14:53

and Womban this In my experience in the matter however the division in not based on looks alone. Where I work there are some beautiful dirty dancers and some less attractive clean dancers. It all comes down to what you are willing to do for the money. sounds much more likely to me than what was expressed earlier in the thread. Thank you for sharing.

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 15:00

Hang on a minute DropYourSword she has come on here and claimed that no one else can possibly know what THEY are talking about and at times has come across as if she speaks for the industry as a whole. For example there are virtually NO dancers who are there and hate it. I can certainly say on my DC's life that I have never encountered a girl that did not want to be there. So please don't dare to question that statement. But that only counts for the people she has met and therefore, people can question whether some women are unhappy in that job.

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 15:01

Sorry Skylar I didn't read your post, you said pretty much the same thing.

skylerwhite · 26/10/2013 15:02

No worries Smile

harticus · 26/10/2013 15:03

and I find it hilarious that you assume other people DON'T know what they are talking about

Absolutely.
You don't get to play the personal experience card and then ridicule/ignore other people's experiences and knowledge because they don't tally with your agenda.

Anyone who thinks that these clubs are not on the radar of the police are deluded.
The two (top end West End) clubs my friend worked in were appointed case officers by the local vice squad.

Why the hell would anyone want to work in an environment where your name was on a list held by local vice squad?

DropYourSword · 26/10/2013 15:04

Ok skyler, but why is it so hard to accept that that IS herexperienceof the strip clubs she's worked in. I've never worked in one, I've never even BEEN in one so. I wouldn't have a clue, and therefore would take into account the story of someone who actually does have first hand knowledge of it. People have shouted her down that it's not EVERY strippers experience...which is true. Just the same as if we were talking about ANY other job on here. One person's experience isn't representative of the whole profession. But it is still relevant. It's far too hard for me on my phone to copy and paste examples of how she's being ripped apart and disregarded, but it's absolutely there. I'm unsure why you think that the fact that she has also responded means that she's not being ripped apart.

Grennie · 26/10/2013 15:05

Sugar reminds me of high class escorts who complain about women who have been prostituted talking about the realities, or research into prostitution. I am genuinely glad if a woman does not have a horrible time in this industry, but it is hardly the normal experience.

DropYourSword · 26/10/2013 15:07

See Edna, that's what I'm talking about. That's not exactly what she said at all, you're twisting her words to suit your meaning.

Grennie · 26/10/2013 15:07

DropYourSword - I posted a link above avout research done in leeds where the researcher spoke to lots and lots of women doing lapdancing. This is why research is crucial.

I have to say as well, even if every single women involved in lap dancing had a great time, which they don't, I still think it is a sexist industry which reinforces the view of women as sex objects there for the benefit of men. So I would still view it as harmful.

And it would still be a deal breaker my DP going to one.

skylerwhite · 26/10/2013 15:09

Edna isn't twisting Sugar's words, that's an exact quote.

Original poster
NancyShrew · 26/10/2013 15:11

The fact of the matter is that no matter what strip club you work in men will verbally abuse you, leer over you, often try and touch you a and be seen as a piece of meat. If you enjoy that then fair enough, but please do not insult my intelligence by claiming that the vast majority of dancers feel this way.

I know from speaking to multiple people that the above does happen! even in the high end clubs.

OP posts:
bodycolder · 26/10/2013 15:11

Roll your eyes and get on with your life! If it becomes a regular thing then obviously it could be an issue but a one off I would smirk and carry on

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 15:13

See Edna, that's what I'm talking about. That's not exactly what she said at all, you're twisting her words to suit your meaning.

Where am I doing that?

morethanpotatoprints · 26/10/2013 15:16

He gave a woman £50 to dance for him, knowing full well you said he wasn't to.
I think you have to come to terms with the fact he will continue to do things you don't want him to and if you continue to object, he might continue behind your back.
You asked what you should do, that's not for anyone here to tell you.
What do you want to do?

bodycolder · 26/10/2013 15:17

you said he wasn't to Hmm

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 15:17

I think a lot of men have those character traits and have those opinions of women regardless of where the woman works. I imagine women from various employments encounter men like that in their workplaces. If a man acts in that manner it says far more about what kind of person he is than the kind of person the woman is.

What is security like in Strip Clubs sugar when it comes to things like this? I always imagined the establishments to have very strict rules and any kind of touching/leering wouldn't be tolerated? What safety/security measures are in place for the strippers when they are giving the Private Dances? Have you ever found yourself in a threatening situation?

Womban · 26/10/2013 15:26

I agree Greenie that these type of clubs do reinforce the view of women as sex objects. Though I do tend to think that women will be viewed in this way, one way or another for a long time to come. It's not just lap dancing and strippers around which this is a common theme it is in true in many industries....film/TV/music...I mean there are women literally sexualizing themselves for money in other ways e.g. Rhianna (her new music video is all about strippers, Miley Cyrus, Katie Price, and plenty of others. Sex sells in many forms, and is not just related to the sex industry because if it didn't have such selling power Rhianna's new music videos would not consist of her showing so much flesh and gyrating like you do in a strip club (lol sorry couldn't help the pun).

DropYourSword · 26/10/2013 15:27

Ok evil. You said she has come on here and claimed that no one else can possibly know what THEY are talking about

What she actually said was
I find it hilarious that knowing first hand exactly what goes on that people with no clue about the whole thing will insist they know just as much about it as I do, and happily tell me that no, this is not right.

That's actually completely different to how you represented what she said.

She has also very clearly stated
But yes, absolutely, as one person, I do not speak for every dancer's experience.

She never stated she knew best .

morethanpotatoprints · 26/10/2013 15:31

body I meant, the OP had said she didn't want him to go.

I agree with Writer It says more about the man in this situation than it does the woman. I have known dancers who have enjoyed this work and enjoyed the fact that men would pay for their services.

What I really don't understand is why people marry the type of man who would enjoy this type of thing and then moan when they want to go.
I couldn't pay my dh to go to one, he'd rather have the real thing at home, but wouldn't stop him wanted to.
Why, if it is so objectionable to you, don't you find a man who isn't like this?

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 15:42

Ok I can see that, I paraphrased too loosely. My apologies, it certainly wasn't my intention to twist her words. She isn't adverse to the twisting of words herself of course, but that's ok. I would also argue that this really isn't akin to being 'ripped apart' either.

Womban · 26/10/2013 15:43

morethanpotatoprints

You know often the women who are married to the 'type of guy' who goes into 'these places' has no idea that their partner/husband goes to them.

Also the idea that there is a 'type' of guy who comes into these places....well from what I have experienced there is no 'type'! There are guys who come in who are leery, rowdy and laddish etc however, there also some guys who come in who are lovely, very respectful and polite.

What I am saying is that for all my time working in this industry I still couldn't walk down the street and point out which of the guys I saw were likely to go into a strip club. You really don't know, and there are guys who comes into the club in their 50s and 60s and its their first time in a club and there are guys in their 20s who come in every couple of weeks.