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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 26/10/2013 13:06

Are we really questioning Sugar on tax paid? This is getting quite pathetic. She gives a first hand account, mirroring what many like me have said, and suddenly it turns into a character assassination.

Thanks Sugar for providing an opinion on something that most people here will only ever know anything about because of the negative press.

Lazysuzanne · 26/10/2013 13:10

Jolleigh it's just that her story seems hard to believe because it's so far from the usual accounts...most people who earned 100k would in the next breath moan about how much tax they had to pay, or is lapdancing usually cash in hand?

Howsuper · 26/10/2013 13:11

Yes let's all applaud Sugarhut - I do hope my intelligent, beautiful daughter (yes she is both) goes into the lapdancing industry.

I'm sure all mothers of daughters agree, yes?

Because it's so empowering for women.

And - £100K a year, that's what really matters isn't it?

Ev1lEdna · 26/10/2013 13:12

and suddenly it turns into a character assassination.

Isn't that what she also gave to us? But a character assassination of many nameless (ugly) women? Also a dismissal of people responding to her by name-calling. Are you saying her account should be representative of every sex industry worker and automatically taken as such? Are you saying we can't discuss this with her? She did choose to post here, on a discussion board.

I should say thank you to her for contributing but then I have to thank every individual who also contributed to this thread - thanks Sugar (it was interesting) and everyone else with their stories.

Howsuper · 26/10/2013 13:17

And I agree with Ev1 that the stand-out unpalatable part of Sugar's post was calling unattractive women whores. So incredibly hypocritcal and, well, ugly.

Lazysuzanne · 26/10/2013 13:18

Hmm after tax a hundred grand is probably more like about sixty five grand isn't it?

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 13:28

I know a guy who went to a strip club with his mates (he had a girlfriend at the time) and he paid for a private dance - he made it quite clear he got more than just a dance.

And for the guys oh said how is a private dance any different to a woman having a fireman waggle his bits in her face at her Hen Do - are you serious? When you see such Hen Do activity going on it is usually in front of loads of people, a room full of women, there is nothing hidden and secret about it and the women are usually just giggling...there is nothing sexual and seedy about it. But a man going into a PRIVATE room with a woman who takes all her clothes off and dances on him with the complete intent to turn him on....well, who knows what really goes on there without any witnesses.... They are completely different scenarios!

Jolleigh · 26/10/2013 13:28

I'm actually saying that how much tax she's paid on her income in completely irrelevant in the context of this discussion.

Grennie · 26/10/2013 13:29

I know women who have "worked" in lap dancing clubs. Sugar is at the "high end" in terms of what men pay, and thus what she earns.

How are women empowered by lap dancing? What power do they get?

Lazysuzanne · 26/10/2013 13:30

Jolleigh, I'm thinking lapdancing is mostly cash in hand?

ILoveMakeUp · 26/10/2013 13:31

Deal-breaker for me, sorry.

NancyShrew · 26/10/2013 13:39

DP is at golf so I haven't had the chance to speak to him yet.

I have to say though Sugar I don't think rinsing and manipulating men is anything to be proud of!

OP posts:
SugarHut · 26/10/2013 13:44

Are people really struggling to interpret plain English? Ugly women are not whores. Ok?? Women who perform extras are. The reasoning behind them doing these extras is because it was their way of competing when they could not compete on a different criteria. It's not a difficult concept.

So don't put words in my mouth because you read one thing and twist it into another.

For the record, I would be perfectly happy for a daughter of mine to be a dancer. The only reason I would be worried would be her driving home late at night on her own.

I do appreciate what you say though when you suggest I am the exception, not the rule. I'm not an exception, like I say, 50% of the girls are like me, but then my story doesn't make interesting reading. Far more juicy to get a scoop from a dirty dancer, who gets touched up, paints a sordid, down trodden view of the industry. But yes, absolutely, as one person, I do not speak for every dancer's experience.

I was a top earner, but not by much, most of the girls I was friends with would take home at least £1500 a week. And in response, I earn significantly more as a model than I do as a Chartered Accountant. And dancing is paid all cash in hand, unless you have a very good night, and the club just doesn't have enough in the safe to pay you, so you get a cheque. And yes, I declared everything. The clubs are watched by the tax office like a hawk.

And get over the name calling for goodness sake, my repeated use of idiot is from some person earlier calling me it. If you read the thread....

Thanks Sugar for providing an opinion on something that most people here will only ever know anything about because of the negative press.

Welcome :) I find it hilarious that knowing first hand exactly what goes on that people with no clue about the whole thing will insist they know just as much about it as I do, and happily tell me that no, this is not right.

I also have no idea what this Madonna/Whore thing is...so off to google with interest.....

NancyShrew · 26/10/2013 13:48

Yes but sugar as you freely admit you worked in a high end club, and even then only 50% of the girls had the same attitude as you. Imagine the 100s of other girls in the much seedier clubs! So you really are the exception as opposed to the rule.

OP posts:
Lazysuzanne · 26/10/2013 13:52

we are so in awe of you Sugar, imagine being so clever and attractive that men pay you 100K just to be bathed in the light of your beauty & intelligence, how I pity those unnatractive whores who have to open their legs to get any money.

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 13:55

I can sort of understand the empowerment behind being a dancer. When I was about 14/15 I actually wanted to be a stripper, I used to view the whole industry as an amazing fantasy - I used to think how wonderful it would be to be so beautiful that men would actually pay to look at you. I was raised in quite so sexual environment and I used to enjoy knowing men were attracted to me so I think it may have stemmed from there.

I see the whole thing differently now and don't regard strippers with the same 'awe' I did when I was a teenager and I don't agree with the Industry in some ways, but at the same time I can understand why some women who do it say they feel in control and empowered. If I had to choose between whether I thought the clients or the strippers were being exploited, I would say the men are!

SugarHut · 26/10/2013 13:58

Where did I say I worked in a high end club? Do tell. If people CBA to read what I actually write and then make up their own version to suit their views better, you wonder what the point of trying to offer a genuine insight is...... 50% is an exception is it. Hmm My main club was lovely actually. Some will be awful. I never saw an awful one, and I've worked in lots, but of course they do exist and I have never tried to suggest they don't. Let's just focus on the awful though, and insist that it is the majority, that's much more interesting, never let the truth get in the way of a good story eh.

I guess even when you put the plain facts directly on the table, some will still refuse to look at them....

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/10/2013 13:59

Way to go Nancy !!!! If my DH ever does anything of the sort i will follow your bag buying lead.

Has he seen the note?

Grennie · 26/10/2013 14:00

The average charge for a lap dance is £20. £40 is more than the average. Perhaps not in the club you were in, but generally, that is not what most lap dancers earn.

What power do you get from lap dancing?

Thants · 26/10/2013 14:00

No the women are the ones being exploited. My partner would never go to a strip club because he is not a misogynist.

NancyShrew · 26/10/2013 14:04

*Grennie, one dance/or sit with me (3 minutes) £40. 15 mins, £120. 30 mins £240. 1hr £480.

House fee £20 all night apart from Fri and Sat, £40.*

The club DP went to charged £10/20 a dance, I thought this was pretty standard, from speaking to other people this seems to be the case.

Yours sounds pretty bloody high end to me. Am I wrong?

The majority of clubs charge nowhere near that, which makes you, my dear in the minority.

OP posts:
Grennie · 26/10/2013 14:05

No Nancy, you are not wrong. Even Stringfellows charge £20 for a "dance".

Writerwannabe83 · 26/10/2013 14:07

In fact, I think both the men and women are being exploited. The men are using the women to fulfil some sexual need, and the women are exploiting the men by using the stupidity to get money out of them. They are both using each other for their own needs/gains. A pretty even playing field I think. I certainly don't think the strippers are innocent victims in the Industry...

NancyShrew · 26/10/2013 14:07

Also 1500 a week, assuming 47 weeks worked a year, is about 46k after tax.....so it seems you would be at the very top end!

OP posts:
Grennie · 26/10/2013 14:08

Wanting sexual satisfaction is not a need. Nobody needs sex or sexual satisfaction.