To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

[NancyShrew]

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

Just as op is entitled to her feelings so is fairy. I agree with her and sugar in that i would be fine with it aslong as there were no private dances.
Thanks for an honest and interesting post sugar.

Op- please can you post a pic of this bag??

"'The two clans do not get on, the dirty dancers thought we were sanctimonious prudes looking down our noses, and we looked at them as whores and wondered why they didn't just piss off to a brothel."

Wow, that is so fascinating.

So the good looking ones (like you ) are pure and the driven snow and just exploiting men with your amazing dancing skills, but the ugly ones are "whores"?

I can't believe you buy that hateful, misogynistic crap and think so badly of other women who do EXACTLY the same things as you, just because you consider them to be less attractive than you are.

I'm being charitable and presuming you weren't so bitchy and unpleasant before your experiences selling your sexual services.

What you've written there makes you sound really warped.

I thought it might make op feel worse but now somebody else has said it, one of my best friends used to dance and she tells stories that would turn your hair grey. Condoms are on hand (although not always used ) anything is available if a girl likes the look of someone or fancies earning a bit more cash. I wasn't "cool" with strip clubs before I knew her, now I am definitely not so. As I said above, I would consider a private dance infidelity as you have no idea what might have taken place:

My friend also has a really messed up view of men, I'd guess from seeing the worst side of them so often but doesn't think she has. She feels that what she used to do was a free choice and it didn't affect her at all but she is in her early forties now, struggles to hold down a relationship, isn't with the father of her son any longer etc. In my opinion, she always expects the worst from her boyfriends and they duly oblige. She thinks I'm just lucky with men, I think she has been damaged by it. Who knows.

That could be true AFreporting. But I know people like that who weren't dancers in their past either, so it's hard to know either way I guess.

In all seriousness OP, you've basically said to your husband it's even stevens now because he's bought you an expensive handbag to punish him for what he did. A bag for a shag, if you will.

I'm not adverse to a lovely handbag at all and am delighted that you have a Mulberry () ut what you've done has not shown him the depth or truth of your feelings about this.

Sugar, your attitude is unbelievable, I've read plenty of accounts from strippers etc and never heard any of them separate the women into good and bad like that.

I think you're making it up or you just want to try to avoid being tainted by the usual stigma attached to sex work.

You failed, instead you've painted yourself as vain, nasty, hypocritical aswell as rather dumb to imagine that your story would wash

Paying a naked girl to dance for you. Yeah, not sexual services at all. You keep telling yourself that, Sugar.

SugarHut is spot on actually, it is like that.

Stripping lap dancing hostessing whatever you choose to call it is not an empowering thing to do. Not at all.

It's really horrible. The men aren't gazing at you because of your overwhelming beauty. They are looking at you because you are willing to take off your clothes and debase yourself for money and they want to get turned on and have no respect for women.

Sugar if you really believe all that guff about it being a good job you are an idiot.

Sorry but what a load of bollocks. SugarHut expressed how the woman basically use the men, they know what they're doing and they're shrewd about it. If they feel empowered doing so, having control over men and their cash because men have this lust towards the female form then they have every right to use it and feel happy about doing so.

It's funny how women can feel empowered, but other women come along and because it doesn't fit in with their way of thinking try to take that away from them.

And calling her an idiot just because she felt it was a good job, easy way to make money is silly. People are different and people feel differently about getting their kit off.

A body is a body to me. If men are stupid enough to flash their cash for a look at my boobs then more fool them and power to me for being able to manipulate them.

And by the way I completely understand your way of thinking frilly but I don't think you can talk for the whole of womenkind. Some of them do feel powerful doing what they do, if they do good on them.

Sorry but what a load of bollocks. SugarHut expressed how the woman basically use the men, they know what they're doing and they're shrewd about it. If they feel empowered doing so, having control over men and their cash because men have this lust towards the female form then they have every right to use it and feel happy about doing so.

No.

Sugarhut said the attractive women exploit the men and get to just dance (naked - of course, but not as a sexual act ) The ugly women erm, "whores" who should "piss off to a brothel" were presumably being used really as sex objects because they did extras to earn more money and the men were not content to merely gaze upon their faces.

As every magazine tells us the beautiful girls were empowered and kept themselves (lets face it, relatively) pure but the ugly girls were nasty, nasty "whores".

I interviewed a lot of girls working from different areas and of course I heard some bitchiness towards other girls but this ugly/beautiful dichotomy of dancers must have been kept from me. And what a delightful point of view it is, I feel so enlightened. It is such a ... patriarchal point of view.

www.amazon.co.uk/Stripped-Bare-Reality-Lap-Dancing/dp/1905570325

"The often-rehearsed idea that lap-dancing can be empowering, or make women feel beautiful is nonsense, says Danns, when explicit insults are common. Nearly half of lap-dancers in the Leeds study reported frequent verbal harrassment and unwanted touching. "They call you names, comment on your body, or your cellulite, and certainly [I know] from other women's experiences, comment on your genitalia saying 'that's big'," Danns says. "How can you raise your self esteem through that? If you are going to take the compliments you have to take the insults.""

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/nov/10/truth-lap-dancer-clubs

Sugar - A £1000 a year. How much did you charge a "dance" or sit down? How much was your house fee?

What Ev1 said, Sugar's post was just a simplistic reworking of the old maddonna/whore dyad

She's being called an idiot for trotting out the good girl vs bad girl nonsense, not for claiming that lapdancing can be lucrative or empowering

If it's such a great empowering job why do so many of the dancers drink or take drugs?

The sex industry is not a great choice for women face it.

And to hear you boasting about it and tacitly encouraging women to do it is horrible.

Grennie, one dance/or sit with me (3 minutes) £40. 15 mins, £120. 30 mins £240. 1hr £480.

House fee £20 all night apart from Fri and Sat, £40.

Club takes 25% commission of all dance money.

Oh, I trot out nothing, the only idiots are the ones too blinkered to think the industry doesn't work like this.

HTH :)

Hundred grand a year, wow Sugar you must've paid loads of tax, what's the 40% threshold these day?

I wouldnt know having never earned anything like that amount, of course as an accountant you'll be well versed in matters of tax, did you operate as a limited company to reduce your liability.

I guess you make even more money modelling, or do you find your accountancy work more lucrative?

Sugar - You are the equivalent in lapdancing of a high class escort. Not typical at all in terms of earnings or experience. Hence I guess, your superior attitude.

NancyShrew - I applaud you.

*Oh, I trot out nothing, the only idiots are the ones too blinkered to think the industry doesn't work like this.

HTH*

Oh, I'm not an idiot. HTH.

You know Sugarhut if you did make a fair amount of money then I am genuinely glad for you. I don't like your attitude and it isn't from a place of bitterness but from a belief women should try to be less judgemental of one another (perhaps an idealistic dream) but my view of your attitude is unimportant to you I imagine.

I am intrigued by this ugly/beautiful split because I haven't come across it in lapdancing before (my knowledge doesn't come from Internet reading by the way). There are 2 points you have made which ring true for me and one is that most of the women I interviewed wouldn't want their partners having dances and the other is that it affects the way they view men, though it has to be said my research mostly indicated this was mostly negative. It is, I guess, good that this isn't the case for you. One less damaged woman is always good. I'm not sure you, as one person, speak for everyone involved in the industry.

Hmm, perhaps you don't intend to "trot out" anything, perhaps this is your firm belief but the Madonna/Whore complex is an old, old story which has been told to society seemingly forever. It has no truth to it, but it helps keep folk in their places and that is, indeed, what you are using it for.

By the way, is it possible for you to discuss this without resorting to calling people names?