To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

[fairy1303]

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

hhmmmm I read your other threads and I have just skimmed this one.

I think you are doing marvellously, however, the key bothers me. In your shoes I would have my locks changed. I really would. Your MIL has absolutely no boundaries and I would not put it past her to have a copy of your key.

I hope you are able to stand your ground on this. I so sympathise with you.
If you have to go out on said night, can you lock the door so, if she does have a copy key she can't get in?

Bloody hell, she has the hide of a rhino! YA definitely NU.

Hi fairy! long time lurker here.
First of all let me say you have my sympathies and you sound like a lovely person and you're doing great. I would've been avoiding that woman like the plague by now!
You have told her why tuesday wouldn't be convenient, i don't think you need to get drawn in a debate about it. By accusing you of cheating she is obvs spoiling for an argument. after which she will invariably be "upset", "depressed" or any medical ailment she might want to make you responsible for; all for "caring about her son".
How does your DP feel about text? it isn't really treating you with respect is it? how has her behavior been otherwise? does she still think of DSD as "hers"? Does she treat your DS as an equal to DSD, or has she not made any effort?
If her behavior hasn't improved I would reconsider how good it is for the children to around her.

Let us know when you find the hidden lid!! I think you laying it on the line that she is not allowed in your home when you are not there was fantastic - she pushed and pushed and she's been told AGAIN, hopefully one day you'll get through to her.

I would be pretty miffed if someone was maintaining they knew where something was in MY house that I didn't know.
But I realise these are not normal circumstances.

By the way, have you switched the swimming lessons to a different venue yet? Does she still turn up to watch every week?

You have probably answered this question before fairy1303, but can I ask how long you, your DH and your DSD have been (living) together?

Lots of posters are mentioning previous threads and it sounds like you may have had your MIL (virtually) camping outside your house since the day you and your DH moved in together!

Obviously this is a complicated situation. I think you've been incredibly patient and forebearing for the sake of your DSD, I'm not sure I could have handled it so well!

I'd put money on her having the lid anyway. I would ignore the latest text and if she won't tell you where in the house she "knows" it is, just shrug it off and say "Ah well, it isn't important".

Either way you have a right to privacy in your own home, and for her to visit only when she is invited.

And when she turns up on Tuesday what will you do?

Marking my place

Jux is the real question, what will the OP be doing? MIL expects her to be shagging some bloke. Would your DH suffice, OP

Eh? I thought it was going to be a Lesbian Love Fest?

Hang on in there Fairy! Also, as someone upthread asked, did you change the swimming lessons in the end?

She sounds nuts and I would change your locks in case she already has spare keys. How dare she suggest that you might have a man coming around just because you don't want her turning up and searching your dsd's room when she feels like it. If she really knew exactly where the lid was she would tell you.

i don't understand why she has to go to your house when you are not there? have you outright asked her? have you asked her does she dictate to her other family and friends when she goes to their houses?

stay strong, keep repeating what you want to say and hope that it Will at last, get in her thick head!

My god this woman just doesnt give up does she.

I agree that she probably already has the lid.

This women is not healthy OP. what's your plan for when she inevitably turns up?

I'd just answer the door and say "sorry I told you today wasn't convenient, please respect my privacy, goodbye" and shut the door. I am only polite to people who are polite to me. The only way to cope with thick skinned or rude people is to behave similarly and not let them get to you.

If she wants a key , I'd give her a key . Just not the ones to my house .

How you cope with her , I don't know . There's no way on earth she'd get half a foot inside my door .

Of course my retort when she wanted to turn up on Tuesday when you're not present would not be 'why , are you bringing a man round ? ' Oh no sirree .

OP. How is lidgate going? have you started hanging rainbow flags and bunting in preparation for her visit on Tuesday?

Another vote for she has the lid, else she would tell you where it is. Anyway it is only a lid, who cares?

Continue to keep her at arms length for the sake of your sanity and do show the texts to DH.

Her rudeness and poor behaviour are unbelievable. I think you are a saint.

I might do a mix of previous posters suggestions

Phone her and tell her not to worry you have found the lid and have posted it direct to cousin.
When she tells you that's not possible because the lid isn't really at your house - not missing at all. You just straight face her with - Yes I know, that makes two of us lying through our teeth.