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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

280 replies

fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 10:19

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 29/10/2013 13:17

Fairy what did your DH say after she had thrown you out of her car and driven off with your ds?
Did you show him the text that she thinks you might be having an affair?
She is completely gaga.
Your DS is better off without her in his life.

Jux · 29/10/2013 14:16

"yes, I suspected something like this would happen"

"Yes, MIL. So did I. How strange."

FriskyHenderson · 29/10/2013 16:27

Any sign?

qazxc · 29/10/2013 17:36

Did she say it in the tone of a James Bond Villain. Well done fairy! you have the patience of a saint.
May I suggest a nice family activity for you all (inc MIL), London Gay Pride. The kids would love the parade!

Original poster
fairy1303 · 29/10/2013 18:10

MIL did not come today!!!! But she did phone me to guilt trip me about next Christmas. That's right. NEXT Christmas - why do I have to see my family? Why can't they come to me so I only see them for one day rather than three (due to travel). Luckily DH walked in so have witness to the calm rational way I dealt with her rather than screaming at her down the phone like I wantd to!

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 29/10/2013 18:21

What did he say about her 'affair hinting' text?

I like to think my DH would have been pretty pissed off with his mum if she sent me something like that.

Original poster
fairy1303 · 29/10/2013 18:44

I haven't told him. He would hit the roof. I would rather manage it myself, I don't want ww3... I know I'm wrong, I should tell him but he would go nuts

OP posts:
PurpleRayne · 29/10/2013 18:54

I really believe you need to tell him, no matter how uncomfortable, otherwise it will backfire on you. Total honesty in your relationship is critical, especially in your current situation with mil. Keeping her nastiness towards you a secret from him only benefits her.

SauvignonBlanche · 29/10/2013 18:54

He would go nuts with good reason though.

Divinity · 29/10/2013 18:55

You may want to find a quiet moment when your dh is chilled out (not offering suggestions Halloween Grin) and tell him in a matter-of-fact way stressing that you've dealt with it.

If you don't then you won't be able to mention it later date she will deny all knowledge and try to make out that you're mad for making that up.

You know the situation better than we do of course but its worth thinking about.

qazxc · 29/10/2013 18:59

don't hide it from him or she'll make out you have been witholding it because there's something in it. Just try and pick at time when he is chilled and approach it in a calm manner.

ScaryNutellaFangs · 29/10/2013 18:59

I know he's liable to hit the roof.
It won't be you he'll be angry at though and maybe, just maybe it will give him the impetus he needs to tell the interfering bat to stay out of your lives.
It's because he loves you. I don't often mention if someone has been rude to/about me because by God he gets defensive in the "no one speaks to you like that" way.

fluffyraggies · 29/10/2013 19:00

Oh bless you fairy. I can see your logic. It's easy to sit at home and say I'd be furious and i'd do this and i'd do that - but it's different in RL sometimes. i can admit i may well do the same as you and just want to avoid all the fall out.

He aught to know though.
Flowers

ChasedByZombees · 29/10/2013 19:01

Oh please do tell him. It won't need it you at all keeping this from him.

FunkyFucker · 29/10/2013 19:04

You have to tell him or she will use this against you. i don't know when but she will.

TheCatThatSmiled · 29/10/2013 19:14

Sorry OP, but you have to tell him. Show him the text - laugh about it, says it's just a heads up as you don't want him to be taken by surprise. She tested the water in the text to see how you'd react. She will up the stakes, and will say something.

Also, somewhere on here was a wonderful thread about a nosy MIL who kept going through drawers & stuff, so the OP of that thread left a partially filled on immigration form for her to find ... naughty, yes - satisfying, definitely!

TheCatThatSmiled · 29/10/2013 19:16

Think of it this say - hit the roof now, or hit the roof after she's managed to cause disharmony on your marriage.

AnyChippednailvarnishfucker · 29/10/2013 19:16

If you don't tell him, at some point in the future she'll use the fact you didn't tell him as proof you have something to hide...

ooerrmissus · 29/10/2013 19:21

Fairy you are a saint.

Makes me appreciate my MIL. Especially appreciate the way she lives 1000 miles away.

auntpetunia · 29/10/2013 19:24

You have to tell him to not do so, even if he doesn't do anything about it now (obviously he'll want to kick off) will give her ammunition to mention it when you say or do something she doesn't like. He needs to be forewarned.

SauvignonBlanche · 29/10/2013 19:32

Some good points made for telling him, calmly.

MommyBird · 29/10/2013 20:03

I have been a lurker on all of your MIL threads.

You are a SAINT!

After reading your last comment regarding the 'affair.'sniggers as like many of the other posters, i think you really need to tell your DH.
This is something she has over you, something that only you and her know and she will use it against you. She has probley got it into her head that you are actually having an affair!

She is not normal. You need to tell DH, you're a team.

Noctilucent · 29/10/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbfuckerwitch · 29/10/2013 21:41

Love of God, you HAVE to tell him about the message - what if SHE tells him and you haven't, it's going to look fishy!! TELL HIM!!
If he hits the roof, so be it! He'll be angry with the correct person, and that's a GOOD thing. TELL HIM!

mineofuselessinformation · 29/10/2013 21:55

YY, fairy, do tell him. If you don't know how to approach it, could you say to him there's something he needs to know but you want him to think about it before he reacts because you are not trying to cause trouble?
If you don't, I have a horrible feeling that this will come back to bite you on the arse.

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