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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

280 replies

fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 10:19

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

OP posts:
GreenGiant3 · 25/10/2013 10:45

YANBU!!

just had a look at your other threads. RE MIL what a nutter!! Take it tonight, don't give her a key she's lost the plot, such a weird woman being offered it tonight even though you "found" it but still saying she wants to come find it... ShockConfused

Let us know how tonight goes.. Good luck!! Smile

Hopasholic · 25/10/2013 10:47

I remember your last thread. Is DH going with you tonight? If so, let him do the 'hand over of the perfume bottle' and tell HIM to tell HER that she's not to enter your house when you're not there. It's HIS mother and he needs to support you on this.

I know it's hard, I have a very similar situation where my mil deliberately keeps something back of the DC's so she can just 'pop' in. She sees plenty of them but it's never enough.

She has developed other strategies now but I'll not bore you with that!

Annonynon · 25/10/2013 10:48

You need to be very clear on your boundaries with her, because so far she has treated you appallingly and you have just let her

She should be counting herself lucky you are speaking to her at all after her last stunt let alone demanding access to your house when it suits her

There is a lot of truth to the sentiment of people only treating you as you let them and so far the message she is getting is that no matter how badly she behaves you will allow her to continue calling the shots

YouTheCat · 25/10/2013 10:49

Take it. It takes all the bluster out of her sails and gives her nothing to come over for.

If she goes off on one tell her she would be opening your house up to burglars if she told you to leave a key for her somewhere and how would she cope knowing she had potentially made her dgd have to deal with having her things stolen?

Tbh I don't know why you bother having anything to do with her. I'd let your dh do all the dealing with his mother crap and not be drawn into any of it.

MrsCinnamon · 25/10/2013 10:50

She's trying to get that key back and of course will keep it.

Of course you will give her the missing lids tonight, what else? If she refuses to take them you can post them to the cousin. I'd be out on Tuesday when she's planning on coming over. Take your friend to a coffee shop.
She wants to resume the controlling behaviour you have put a stop to.

KhunZhoop · 25/10/2013 10:51

The fact that she knew precisely where it was suggests she deliberately left it behind so she could use it as a pretext to come back for it.

pianodoodle · 25/10/2013 10:52

I haven't even read the other threads about your MIL but it sounds to me like a lame excuse to snoop about while you're not in!

CalamityKate · 25/10/2013 10:55

If she kicks off, just laugh.

"MIL, what's the problem? Why on earth are you getting so worked up?? It's far easier for us to give it to you now! Honestly you are funny....."

TessCackle · 25/10/2013 10:56

Totally agree with pp. she's left that lid on purpose as an excuse to snoop, steal clothes and do your washing!!

She's a total loon Grin

coppertop · 25/10/2013 11:00

I predict that she'll be looking for more excuses to get into your home over the next few weeks and months. They'll all be designed to look as though she's just doing you or someone else a favour.

RabbitsarenotHares · 25/10/2013 11:01

I would love to know how she manages to justify her visit on Tuesday? I mean, you're seeing her tonight so it makes sense to take it to her then, especially as she's told you exactly where it is. So how is she trying to explain why her popping over on Tuesday is the better idea? I really can't imagine.

Take it to her tonight and let her come up with another excuse reason why she needs the key.

Oldraver · 25/10/2013 11:04

Yes to handing the top over and telling her she doesn't need to come over.

GrumpyRedhead · 25/10/2013 11:06

I have one piece of advice for you, having read your other thread.

Any time you think you might be being unreasonable when it comes to your MIL, you aren't! Grin

EldritchCleavage · 25/10/2013 11:06

Wow, pushing boundaries in a toddler-stylee or what? It defies all common sense to want to make a special trip in your absence to pick up something you can hand over when you see her tonight.

But word of warning: this shows that involving MIL in even simple family arrangements is going to be used as an opportunity to override your boundaries. Another time, it would be better to cut out MIL and make a trip to the cousin directly to hand things over.

All MIL needs to know is-

  1. You can't have a key
  2. You can't have access to your house when you aren't there
  3. Stop asking, 1 and 2 aren't going to change, BECAUSE YOU ABUSED THE ACCESS WE GAVE YOU.
Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 11:07

She will be in the area on Tuesday.
For a lot of the conversation, she wouldn't tell me where it was. Not until I had made it VERY clear that she wasn't welcome to come over onTuesday, and shot down all of her reasons as to why it wouldn't be an issue.

She has text me saying she is suspicious as to why I am so adamant that I don't want her to come when my friend is there. Is there a reason why my visitor had to remain secret? Because she has a duty to let DH know if she suspects I am having a man round. Or perhaps I am embarrassed of her?

Arrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

OP posts:
Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 11:09

Honestly the reason I couldn't make the trip to this cousin myself is because it is DSD's mother (cousin on her side) that she is passing it on to.

I do see her myself when she occasionally decides to see her daughter but not often and not if I can help it.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 25/10/2013 11:09

Text back: 'Yes, it is a man. And yes, you embarrass me'!

Gwan, gwan!

Featherbag · 25/10/2013 11:09

Bloody hell, she doesn't give up easily does she?!

oldwomaninashoe · 25/10/2013 11:10

Has she "hidden" it somewhere so she is the only one that knows where it is? and that is why she wants to come round Tuesday because you will not be able to find it?

PalakPaneer · 25/10/2013 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kimdeal · 25/10/2013 11:11

Hahah Eldritch - do it OP, do it!

Inertia · 25/10/2013 11:12

OFFS. Because of course if you were having a man round you'll tell your MIL that you were having a friend round.

Give her the lid tonight. If she deliberately leaves it wherever you are going do not take it back to your house - leave it at the restaurant or wherever you are going.

She still doesn't recognise that she's being utterly unreasonable, does she? I would really start to make as much distance from her as possible for a while.

Original poster
fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 11:14

I might tell her it is my friend who is a lesbian. (She's terrified of 'the lesbians') if I'm going to have a fantasy affair it might as well be with someone who would REALLY horrify her!

OP posts:
momb · 25/10/2013 11:15

She must be cursing her own foolishness for not waiting until tomorrow to let you now she had left the bottle top! Then you wouldn't have been able to drop it off so easily.
Never, never give her a key!!

EldritchCleavage · 25/10/2013 11:18

I was being flippant earlier. In RL I would either ignore and get DH to deal with it, or text 'Oh for heaven's sake, woman, grow up!' And I mean that quite genuinely, that's not words on a screen bravado.