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Original poster

To not allow swimsuit stealing MIL to just 'drop in'

280 replies

fairy1303 · 25/10/2013 10:19

Posted many times about MIL.

DSD lives with us full time and MIl very VERy OTT with her/us - she used to be at our house nearly everyday, would take washing home, without permission, took her swimsuit home, is just generally a nightmare.

She recently kicked me out of her car in the rain, told me I was a rude bitch and tried to drive off with DS.

Now, in the interests of civility we have been rubbing along ok, but we have barely seen each other.

DSD had a plastic dressing table thing. We bought her a new grown up one and are passing on the small one to her cousin.

It comes with various accessories, hair brush, pretend perfume bottle etc.
MIL has taken the dressing table to her house as she is seeing the cousin next week before we do.

She has left the lid (small, plastic) of one of the 'perfume bottles' here. She has described where it is. I am seeing her tonight.

She wants to 'pop over' on Tuesday to find it herself. I have suggested I just give it to her tonight when we see her. She is not happy with this, wants to come on Tuesday. I have explained that I have a friend over on tues, may be in and out, is not convenient. She wants me to leave a key out for her and feels I am being completely unreasonable.

Am I? I can't see it anymore as I am too embroiled!

Well done if you have waded through the tedium and got this far!

OP posts:
eatriskier · 27/10/2013 07:38

If the doorbell goes whilst you're in on Tuesday you should slightly unbutton your shirt or ruffle it up a lot and answer the door disheveled then just shout 'I told you this isn't a good time' and slam the door in her face Wink

BakerStreetSaxRift · 27/10/2013 08:04

I like MissNevermind's suggestion. Tell her you found the lid and will post it to the cousin. Then she'll know you're onto her that she's had it all along.

What a fruitloop!

EldritchCleavage · 27/10/2013 09:58

I think people should stop medicalising the MIL's bad behaviour on the scant evidence to be found on this and previous threads. It's not helpful, and highly unlikely to be accurate. OP has to find ways of dealing with the behaviour, irrespective of the cause.

HexU · 27/10/2013 11:44

It's not helpful, and highly unlikely to be accurate. OP has to find ways of dealing with the behavior, irrespective of the cause.

^^ This

OP you need to stop asking how high every time she says jump.

Ignore the texts what ever they are about - but tell your DH if he need to know - and don't phone her. If she turns up open door and say you are busy and she can't come in or at very least limit time and access in the house and supervise but don't engage with her.

No drama no fuss. Easier said them done as she has you well trained.

I also question if it is a good idea your DSD has her in her life. Either she'll think this behavior is normal and copy it to the determent of relationships in the future or she'll learn like the rest of you to pander to it -setting her up to be with someone equally as demanding.

I'm not saying stop contact - just limit and supervise and make sure DSD knows how bizarre MIL behavior is by telling her and MIL. I expect you'll need to reinforce boundaries for years - as she managed to erode them for that length of time.

qazxc · 28/10/2013 14:53

Has she "popped round" yet OP?

Fluffyears · 28/10/2013 15:40

I'm working tomorrow damnit so can't pop on to check if she came round anyway. Desperate to know if she does.

clam · 28/10/2013 16:24

Yes I think it's tomorrow that fairy is due to stage her secret lesbian liaison for mil's benefit.

mikulkin · 28/10/2013 16:49

She is extremely annoying but you are handling this very well. I think your DSD is a lucky girl to have such a person as you as her step-mum. Anybody else in your place would have stopped any contact with mil but you care about your DSD's feelings.

Jux · 28/10/2013 16:58

She either has the lid or has no idea where it is. I once knew a woman who would say she knew where something was, but actually hadn't the faintest idea. It was just an excuse to rummage.

HauntedFlyingNaanBread · 28/10/2013 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vtechjazz · 28/10/2013 18:06

marks place offers OP support for tomorrow!

mistlethrush · 28/10/2013 19:38

Of course, if you do let her in to look for it and its not where you said it would be, its going to be your fault... you know that don't you?

Good luck for tomorrow.

JackNoneReacher · 28/10/2013 19:54

Brace yourself for if she turns up tomorrow.

Be completely prepared to say "I told you it's not convenient for you to come around now, you can't come in, please don't do this again"

This woman really needs some clear boundaries or she will just keep pushing and pushing and you will keep imagining you are the U one.

Howlsmovingcastle · 28/10/2013 21:21

What do you mean, place marking?

liquidstate · 28/10/2013 21:22

Can you pin a note to your door saying 'bugger off MIL' if you are out.

Also use grease like butter or Vaseline to grease a hair across the join of door and frame, that way you can see if she has sneaked in or not. Its what James Bond does Grin.

Jux · 28/10/2013 21:39

Have you got a door chain? Keep it on.
Or call through the door, "sorry, can't let anyone in right now."
Or simply don't answer at all, in any way, shape or form.

morethanpotatoprints · 28/10/2013 22:02

Op, just a thought. I have followed your threads with sheer disbelief at times.
She is not normal and this may sound daft but I am a bit worried for you especially after she threw you out of the car.
Don't open the door fully to her if she comes when you are in, keep the chain on or your foot in the way. She will try to gain entry.
I also think she has copied the keys, maybe back door too. Do what you can to stop her gaining entry.
I'd be tempted to set booby traps, close doors and take the handles off etc, like in Home Alone. Make sure you film it and send all the relies a copy Grin

mineofuselessinformation · 28/10/2013 22:34

Ooh, an idea just offered to me! It's rather 'wicked', but if you do go out tomorrow, could you tell one of your neighbours that you've lost a set of keys so can they keep an eye on the house for you until you get the locks changed? Most people have a busy-body or two living nearby. The thought of MIL being carted off by the police would give you joy for ages I would imagine, and teach the old bat a lesson she wouldn't forget in a hurry. Grin

olgaga · 29/10/2013 00:46

Hope you are OK, OP. Good luck tomorrow, if ithe visit hasn't already been avoided.

angeltattoo · 29/10/2013 09:30

What did DH say about her disgusting text message?

Any idea if she'll turn up today? If she does, DO NOT let her in Fairy, under any circumstances. She hates you, wants to enter your house and practically piss her scent around, just so you know how much she hates you being in DS and DSD's lives. I know it's hard for you to understand, as you sound lovely and find her behaviour hurtful, but please, please do not give her the satisfaction of crossing your threshold - she would see it as a mark of her being soooo much more important than you.

That she can make such a big deal out of a ting bit of plastic tat is beyond ridiculous. Do not be drawn into her batshit crazy games

Original poster
fairy1303 · 29/10/2013 10:01

I didn't give her the lid on Friday. I told her it wasn't where she said it was and I couldn't find it - she said 'yes, I suspected something like this would happen'. I told her it was a lid and not important anyway, nevermind, if it turns up I will give it to cousin.

Have made it clear she is not to turn up today.
Am preparing the rainbow coloured scarf to hang outside the door.

P.s - yes we have moved swimming, she is due to start there after half term. She wanted to finish off the last few weeks with her friends.

Thanks for the continued support and great ideas.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 29/10/2013 10:14

OMFG you have the patience of a saint. She's off her rocker!

In the future I would give her a key (like another poster said but not for your house Wink ) I would express that it mustn't be used when you are not at home but for dia emergencies at your request. I give it less than a week before she gets back in touch to say her key doesn't work Grin

Also marking my spot for an update

eatriskier · 29/10/2013 10:15

Well that just confirms the lid isn't in your house to me. 'I expected that would happen' means 'of course not, you leave the room filthy'. Not that you do I'm sure. But it's anther example of why she needs to be kept well away.

Hope you don't have her show up later even if that entertains us Grin

DuchessFanny · 29/10/2013 10:45

I always read your threads then feel the need to go and hug MIL for not being an utter nightmare ... ( reminds me why I keep away from my mum too ! She once put my DN's christening gifts in her bag so she'd have a reason to get in touch - bonkers !!!!)
Hope your MIL doesn't just turn up today !

Anyone else wondering where the lid is inside MIL's coat pocket

clam · 29/10/2013 12:25

"yes, I suspected something like this would happen."
WTF is she supposed to have meant by THAT?! Angry Annoying when you know someone is taking a pop at you but you have no idea what they're getting at.