Men looking at my 13year old daughter

[marmitenot]

I went out with my 13 yr old dd yesterday and a couple of her friends. My daughter, although very pretty (doesn't get it from me!), is clearly a young teen and yet men (old and young) were leering over her and distinctly 'checking her out'.

The looks they were giving my daughter made me extremely uncomfortable and really cross.

AIBU to expect men to control themselves around children?

I hated being on the receiving end of this kind of attention from older men as a teen - it made me feel horribly self-conscious and deeply uncomfortable.

Boys my own age, fine. Lingering looks from older men, ugh.

My daughter is 13 and men constantly stare at her but I think she looks about 16 and that was prob why. I think it builds her confidence up but at same time it annoys me

Can't believe the victim-blaming and denial going on on this thread. We are in 2013, aren't we? I haven't time-warped back to 1953?

No sadly you haven't - there are actual people on this thread who seem to think I and others are imagining grown men staring at my daughters breasts and then turning back to stare at her bottom like they are admiring a fucking pretty garden

Christ! Of course yanbu. They should not be looking in such a way that you would notice. If they were just glancing over you would not have noticed to extent you felt need to post in mn.

She is 13. She has a right to walk about without men staring wt her (I know you said look but again for you to have noticed must have been more than that).

Can't believe anyone would think yabu to be honest.

Agree with happyhalloween entirely.

I was under the impression my 14 yr old daughter was not on this earth for the gawking pleasure of men. Sadly, after reading many comments on this thread, I have found I am mistaken..

Remember bloke on a plane staring at my legs when I was as teenager - maybe 15 so could have looked older but he was much much older than that. Had to swap places with my mum who thankfully noticed. The fact I still remember it today aged 35 shows how creepy it was. Yes was only looking but teenage girls have a right to go about their business without being perved at (adopting this word from earlier posts but that is what it is).

I've noticed my Dad doing this more and more over the last few years. He is in his early seventies. His head swivels when he is driving and once he stared really penetratingly at the back view of an attractive female jogger while I was talking to him and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

It's really depressing how blatant he is about it. I don't remember him being lecherous when I was growing up but then he always had a double standard and once told off someone who nudge-nudge winked-winked at him r.e me in my skimpy dancing costume aged fourteen. Knowing what I know now I think he went on to have a right old perve over the older girls

Haven't noticed anyone watching DD who is thirteen and tall, but still quite baby-faced, other than teenage boys who walk into displays at the supermarket or lampposts while they are gazing I don't mind them but would get the rage if grown men were eyeing her up for their gratification.

It isn't just men who objectify women you should have tried going anywhere with my best friend driving.

J will you look at the road, J it's a very ordinary looking lad, J that was a land rover you nearly hit.

To be fair I don't know any other woman who eye's up everything in trousers not just the reasonable looking ones.

The fact is that people objectify people. We look and we put them in a pigeon hole, he's hot, she's pretty, too young, too old, the HT won't like that skirt, brush your hair, not another super dry hoody and my favorite pigeon hole at the minute don't you realise Toms look like slippers.

Looking is fine, judging is inevitable, staring, passing comment and touching are clearly not fine.

You are totally reasonable to be angry at men leering. It shouldn't happen to anyone, especially children.

I have a very mature looking 10 year old who gets checked out in the street by both teenage boys and dirty old men, and it makes my blood boil. She was hit on in KFC the other day by a group of chavy teens who didn't realise I was with her, they were lucky I didn't poke their eyes out!

She lives in jeans and t-shirts, not exactly provocative, but is tall, with a model figure, pretty face and long blond hair, so turns heads. It terrifies me that she won't be safe when she's old enough to go out with her friends.

I'll have to teach her my old trick of producing a truly terrifying manic smile when prompted to 'cheer up love', that usually sends them scuttling!

I'm afraid there are a certain class of teens who have to make some nasty comment about something.

If your DD was, short, fat and wore glasses they would tease her for that.

If she was my quirky, slightly dispraxic about personal space DD1 they'd have had a nasty comment for that too.

Sadly, the acceptance of having 'fun' at others expense is far too acceptable, think big brother and similar reality TV. Sexual cracks take no intelligence so that's what they use if they can.

Ugh, I remember me and my schoolfriends on the train home from school, dressed in school uniform, and so many times some creep (or two creeps working together) would sidle over so they were touching you. If you didn't move away they would try to engage you in conversation. I once ended up squashed against a window with the man in the seat next to me virtually in my seat.

Can't believe the victim-blaming and denial going on on this thread. We are in 2013, aren't we? I haven't time-warped back to 1953?

Presumably the same crowd who thought the Jeremy Forest child abductor was going to give his victim to a nice life - some posters on here are just odd and so desperate to marry off any female asap they think any male attention is to be encouraged at all costs. Sort of a chav version of Mrs Bennett from Pride and Prejudice I think.

The only explanation I can come up with for women saying that this is normal male behaviour, is that they must be heavily invested in relationships with unbelievably crap men.

It's them same on these boards with any unacceptable shitty behaviour, whether it's porn use, heavy drinking, taking no responsibility for child care or housework - they can't bear to think that there are men out there, plenty of them actually, who don't behave like immature idiots, I think it must shock them and that's why they get so defensive.
The only men I've ever known who did behave in a leering and lecherous way, were vile misogynists who didn't see girls and women as actual people, my sister's ex-husband was one of them, it was always a girl's fault for being a "nasty little slut" and wearing tight jeans or a short skirt, I grew up with this pig in my family, that's how I know that mostl men are nothing like he was.

YANBU.

My dd is 14 clearly a very young girl, but with massive tits.

She gets horribly leered at and chatted up by men in their 20's.

And my niece is very, very pretty, had adult men following her and making unpleasant comments to her when she was 14 - and looked 14. Even telling people she was only 14 and not interested didn't stop them chatting her up.

It's loathsome.

YANBU I remember this happening to me and my sister from the age of around 10 upwards. I remember once going out for a bike ride with our parents and a car slowing down to leer and cat-call at my sister - who was around 12 at the time (tall, long-limbed, very beautiful). The driver then had my angry dad banging on his window telling him where to fuck off to.

It happened a lot and I can not understand why so many women on here do not believe this and have never experienced it. I experienced street harassment constantly from pre-puberty up until early 30s, including grabbing, groping, leering, cat-calling, whistling. I am not particularly attractive.

I am now middle aged and haggard and it's so nice to be able to walk around wearing what I like with what feels like a degree of freedom.

But I have a 6 year old DD and I dread when she starts having to deal with this sort of shit.

BelaLugosished It's them same on these boards with any unacceptable shitty behaviour, whether it's porn use, heavy drinking, taking no responsibility for child care or housework - they can't bear to think that there are men out there, plenty of them actually, who don't behave like immature idiots, I think it must shock them and that's why they get so defensive

Hmmn yes I wondered that too. Certainly I don't know any men in real life who behave like this, or at least only 1, and none of us speak to him any more. It also depends on what people will put up with and where their personal boundaries lie - I don't think indulging and excusing this sort of bad behaviour is very good for society as a whole actually, because then people who don't see it as the norm have it inflicted on them as well, because the men are so used to getting away with it.

Exactly Greentea love being anonymous 39 year old mother of 2 with hair scrunched back and a cagoule on cycling in the rain no hassle whatsoever . That said my MOTHER was walking to the shop in her village recently, she is 60 something and dresses as a smartish middle class 60 something would do, their village is very "nice" and a man shouted from a van "slag"! Misogyny in action hey.

When she was 17, my DD was in a takeaway and some older creep was making inappropriate comments to her and went to grope her, she punched him hard in the face ( she's 5ft 2 and very petite) , his friends laughed at him and told him to stop being a prat, hopefully it made him think about doing it to any other woman. I know I wouldn't have been so brave at her age, women are still held back by the "don't make a fuss" type of social conditioning, girls should not have to put up with sexual bullying, in school, on the street, anywhere.

I'm not lying I have never ever been harassed in the street or more in the most minor way by drunk lads in the pub.

Twat of a boss who sacked me because I wouldn't sleep with him and a couple of others I knew well yes.

General strangers in the street no. DD1 (then 3) and me got abusive shit because she walked on a wall within 10ft of where they were sitting, but sexual stuff no.

Clearly being a plain Jane with glasses helps, also I have trouble hearing in crowed places so I may well not register comments between mates.

But most of all I mostly wasn't looking for a boyfriend, as a teen I was more worried about getting good grades and then quite by accident I found DH and got engaged at 20.

Somehow I think this total disinterest in men subconsciously registers. There's fuck all point in wasting you 'best' tant if it's going to be utterly ignored.

But most of all I mostly wasn't looking for a boyfriend, as a teen I was more worried about getting good grades and then quite by accident I found DH and got engaged at 20.

Somehow I think this total disinterest in men subconsciously registers.

Maybe you don't mean that how it comes across to me, but fucking hell, that is a ridiculous thing to say. Sorry.

plain jane & glasses here - still plenty of unwanted/gross male attention between 12 and 17!

oh, nad didn't even kiss anyone until i was 18, not the slightest bit interested in boys possibly because they were coming across as such twats?

and*

Starballbunny. What a load of victim blaming nonsense. You realise you are saying that women get harassed on the street because they want to be, that they bring it on themselves by being attracted to men. Bullshit. Gay women get sexual harassed! And they gots no interest in men. It has nothing to do with the victim it is the fault of the perpetrator.

Posters who are defending the men are sick. Women of any age should be free to be out in public without being leered at. We are not objects we are humans.